|Reviews for Light of the World|
| Danny Barefoot chapter 5 . 11/7/2012
Seems good so far, with a natural process of emotional searching. Looking forward to next chapters.
| Merlinfanatic77 chapter 5 . 11/7/2012
*sniffs* This is so amazing. MF
| Skittles chapter 4 . 11/2/2012
Its good. It is very descriptive and I like how it really shows the thought process behind her every move
| Merlinfanatic77 chapter 4 . 10/30/2012
:) Lovely, LOVELY, LOVELY! MF
| Merlinfanatic77 chapter 3 . 10/30/2012
Can't wait to see what happens. :) MF
| Merlinfanatic77 chapter 2 . 10/30/2012
| Merlinfanatic77 chapter 1 . 10/30/2012
Wow! This really hits home. MF
| Guest chapter 3 . 10/4/2011
I was really impressed with the depthness of the character's struggle and how it was really portrayed well from the beginning. My favorite part about books is a character that is relatable and likable. I think, even as a Chrisitan myself, we all have times when we doubt (especially when facing a situation like Jessie is). I can't wait to read on to find out more about Jessie...I wonder what happened in her life previously or if she had a bad experience that made her not believe in God? Interesting story (especially for such a young author!)...
| Winged Warrior chapter 3 . 10/3/2011
this is great! I love it1 I can't wait until the next chapter! I can't wait to find out what happens to jess!
| Kayla134 chapter 1 . 10/2/2011
Maybe try to be less formal. It seems like the writing is forced. Let it sound more like its coming from the thoughts of a teenager.
When you switch subjects, dont use "anyway" try to find a better way to transition. Maybe start a new paragraph there. There are a few tense switches so just read over it and check them. Maybe towards the end add a few memories the main character shares with her sister. Its seems like the chapter needs a little bulk.
| Winged Warrior chapter 2 . 10/1/2011
I love it! It's amazing! I can't wait to read more!
| makingdreamsreal chapter 2 . 9/30/2011
This promises to be a great story, and I'd love to see where this is going.
And don't worry, I'm not going to attack your beliefs. I'm Christian too.
And I have this compulsion to tell just about everybody that I'm a Christian. But I love the spiritual undertones of this story. Please update as soon as you can, I'd love to read more of this!
| non.graceful chapter 1 . 9/30/2011
I wouldn't be seeing my sweet sister lying in a hospital bed, closer to death than I ever wanted to see her.
The above sentence doesn't make sense. I underhand it, but you should word it differently.
In regards to your story, I don't think you captured our attention much. Many people choose to creat stories like this. They have a main character that doesnt believe in god and another that is sick and does. A lot of stories take place within a hospital, but what is the difference between yours and others?
You're punctuation and all is good, but I don't think your style suits this genre. It needs to be more dramatic and if you wish to see an example of this, I'd be willing to send you a document to help you. Keep in mind, that it'll only be an example though and that you cannot use it.
By using the word 'anyway' you make the persons seem as if she has time to speak about the events that made them be in the situation that they are currently enduring. Your character does not have time, her sisters life is on the line and doctors are trying to keep her alive- keep this as a motif too.
Your choice of words is always important in writing.
1. Reread this briefly. Rewrite this out a dozen times and make sure the next is always better than the last. (Your story is depressing so show this to somebody and let them inform you on the emotions that they feel for this story.)
2. Practice writing in different styles and see what suits you.
3. Decide which POV suits the story. I find that if I'm writing a funny and non personal story, I'll write in first person. If I'm writing a personal story where the character has cancer or is depressed, I'll write in third person because the character usually hides their emotions well and doesn't like to show them.
Your summary doesn't need the unnecessary bits like 'Don't crush my beliefs' blah blah blah. You can say that all in an authors note, did you know that? You can add the 'Contains Christian elements' at the end of the summary though so that they're aware of it.
Also, you mention that you're character doesn't believe in god as of yet maybe you should show it ... Strongly? Like when she gets the Text messages, maybe she should ignore it? Or maybe her mother could be saying a verse and she'd be glaring at her?
Please take my advice into consideration,
P.S don't complain to me if my review is harsh.
P.s.s My fathers a priest, so I understand why you'd fear people crushing you and your beliefs. If you're a strong believer, then you've got your place beside god :)