Reviews for coming home
Eden Green chapter 1 . 10/7/2011
Nice poem, aside from a couple of places where there is a need for a comma or two to keep the flow going, I have two suggestions. Firstly, to go along with the line before more easily, perhaps you can change, 'getting caught up in the future you name doesn't trail into my mind', to 'getting caught up in the future, your name doesn't trail into my mind at all'. And lastly, 'where every street light is familiar' include just one word to make it, 'where every street light is still familiar'. Perhaps with that change you could leave that as the last line, or end it with 'and the floods of thought remain my torture'.