|Reviews for Vore|
| Anihyr Moonstar chapter 1 . 9/11/2012
So I'll admit, the initial reason I read this was because while I've heard of "vore" I only had a vague idea of what I thought it might mean and was hoping to have it defined more solidly (which I got right there at the beginning - yay!). What a gruesome fetish. I knew it had something to do with eating, but honestly, I though it was specifically eating another's genitals. (Which, now that I think about it, makes me seem that much sicker for even clicking on the story in the first place...) But I'm getting off-topic.
Nice neat opening. I think it's good that you started with a straight out definition because, as was the case with me, there are probably a decent number of people who aren't clear on what vore is. And, it does a nice job of setting the chilling something-bad-is-about-to-happen-any-second feel right off the bat.
[...but all his dinner-bell does is make my stomach rumble.] This line somehow manages to be absurdly funny and disgustingly ominous at the same time. It's like I don't know whether to laugh or gulp and feel sorry for the guy.
The "likening his various features/body parts to food" theme sticks throughout, and it's a very effective technique for keeping the voice of the narrator very distinct. A constant reminder of not only who's talking to us but exactly what she is. Keeps the "suspense" high, too, (in quotes because technically I guess we know what's going to happen, unlike the unwitting Trevor, but there's still all that lead up).
The light accent and pet names that you put in Trevor's dialogue do a good job of making him come alive on the page, too - as well as, obviously, give the reader enough of a window into his personality that one doesn't feel *too* bad for him.
I can't help but feel that the narrator's dialogue, though, is a little stiff at times. When she's speaking to the audience, it's awesome, but when she starts getting "philosophical" as she's speaking to Trevor, she reminds me of a classmate of mine in uni who would love to make "deep philosophical statements" that usually struck me as circular arguements. Sure, there's no real way to determine who's "sane" and who's "insane" - it's just entirely a matter of perspective based on what *somebody* decides to hammer out as the definition of "normal". I guess the argument mainly frustrates me because there's no way it'll ever go anywhere or determine anything for sure. Impossibility of certainty and/or a perfect, unbiased definition, if you will.
[During Trevor's rambling, I reach into my mouth and remove my fake teeth, exposing a row of jagged, razor-sharp pearls.] Whaaaaaa - this is the part where I'd shut my eyes if it were a horror movie. I think I get a really creepy thrill out of the idea of being numbly consumed alive, though (because I already have this in my own fiction - this must mean I have an issue, right?). Maybe it's just my own terror of anything that leaves me a watching, helpless vegetable. ._.
[Sneaking a hand down to Trevor's belt, slowly undoing his zipper, I grab hold of a ripe, plump sausage and flash a wicked grin. / "I wonder what this tastes like."] Favorite scene. Even though it's so cruel. Had to know it was coming, but when it gets there I can just *see* his slow moving senses kicking into place as he registers it. Poor baby. Maybe if he wasn't a sexist ass I wouldn't have laughed. I still feel bad. x-x
Very, very gruesome. But, for all the gore, I still think you handled it marevlously. Certainly held *my* attention the whole way through...even if my eyes were bulging like Trevor's and I sank an inch or two in my chair as if that might keep me a bit farther away from the blood.
| Rae chapter 1 . 8/24/2012
This is so good. Super well written. :)
| the-lovely-anomaly chapter 1 . 6/16/2012
Gah, I just realized that I referred to the main character as a "he" instead of a "she" in my signed review. I have no idea how that happened. I knew it was a she but for some reason, I ended up calling her a he. I guess it's because I was still thinking of your amazing Eric Lynch character and all the shit that went down with him while reading this. Anyway, my bad!
I promise I'm not an idiot. I'm just careless and absentminded sometimes. XD
| the-lovely-anomaly chapter 1 . 6/16/2012
I have a morbid fascination with paraphilias, so this story definitely spiked my interest. And I have to say, it's very well written. You have a keen eye - or should I say ear? - for dialogue, and you give just the right amount of detail.
What I *really* love about your writing is that you make every word count. There's no needless exposition. No pointless abstraction. Everything is concrete and easy to visualize. It's honest and raw (no pun intended). Unlike with many other stories that delve into taboo subjects, this one doesn't compromise itself for the sake of sparing readers; it blatantly tells the ugly truth, unashamed to be judged for what it is. I respect it for that.
Despite your narrator's unsavory fetish, I find him to be a thoroughly engaging character. In fact, if it *weren't* for his fetish, I'd probably like him. I have to admit, he does give a credible justification of himself: "But, honestly, who are we to decide what's crazy and what isn't? Who's to say insanity isn't an enlightened way of thinking? An altered state of consciousness most people don't have the intelligence or patience to understand?" If you think about it, that makes perfect sense. Hell, most people we now honor were called "crazy" by someone. :P
To put it bluntly, I love this. In all its icky glory. I love it and commend you for posting it.
| Saeyre chapter 1 . 3/16/2012
Oh man, this story is great. You really integrate your narrators well into the narration, and in this case-she is just bat-**** crazy. The food and meal imagery, like calling his voice a "dinner bell" and his eyes "blueberry gumdrops" And of course the "plump sausage." Who could forget. The concept is so utterly horrifying but you wrote it so well that I could not look away! I enjoyed the stomach-wrenching ride, just for how you painted it.
It's hard to think up any critique, so I may have to resort to nit-picking. In the first paragraph: Do detectives normally write news articles? It may make more sense to say "that's what a news article told me, quoting a famous detective." And the second-to-last paragraph: "I'm the only sane person left in this world—and the rest of you are just feed." The expected word there is "food", and seeing "feed" instead, I first thought of the verb, then the noun. A little thing, but it may spoil the impact of the final line of dialogue.
Ok, that's not too useful since you're probably no longer going to work on this story. But this one was awesome: perfect details and language set against a very, very dark background.
| jakette chapter 1 . 1/31/2012
I WAS going to review 'The Angel Kristoph,' but I've been reading that for the last couple of days and, truth be told, I am completely and utterly still in fan-mode over that, so, I think I'll try my objective screening on it a bit later, haha.
Anyway, right on to the meat.
I gotta say, the definition at the beginning both pleased and irritated me – pleased because, 'oh I only read one story like this, omg, it's always nice to find stories like this,' and irritated because, 'and now I know what's going to happen and I am displeased.' After that point, there wasn't really any mystery but I'm not entirely sure if you wanted it to be. One could infer that from such a telling beginning that mystery, or at least that mystery isn't the point, especially since you seemed to, albeit momentarily, focus on her background, thoughts, and just, overall, character. That's a bit ambiguous – I can't tell what you want it to be; it doesn't just come so I can't accept it and I'm stuck in the middle of a weight scale.
In such a short piece, you really paint the woman – she's more than just a crazy woman eating people, she's actually got thoughts that branch off from her desires instead of her desires devouring her(and what an ironic twist that would make). I was pretty much flailing wildly every single time she made a reference to food and it didn't seem overdone or annoying at any point – it really just pushed it and I was just feeling her own anticipation and it was just marvelous, okay. Not to mention, you painted that guy to be such a nasty kind, it was just a count-down(but then again, I wonder how someone could tolerate eating something so slimy).
I need to stop making puns and jokes about it, but the story was really enjoyable... I was going to say it left a good taste in my mouth zasliehaleihaehaee; i'm sorry, it really just leaves you with something good.
The woman(I'm just going to call her V for now) kind of gave off a plastic sociopathic feel in one way, however – when she wasn't being interesting, tbh, she was just annoying me. I don't know – perhaps I'm jaded from reading so many fics with sociopaths who just seem as if they don't have any character to themselves. Perhaps V really has been eaten by her own fetish.
| DutchAver chapter 1 . 1/30/2012
I'm currently busy writing a story that disgusts me majorly every time I work on it. It's something completely different(about a forbidden relationship) and it was incredibly difficult to write. I thought I wouldn't be any more disgusted than I am while writing that story. Congratulations, you just proved me wrong - I don't think anyone can top this story in terms of disgust.
Apart from that, this is really well written. She's absolutely out-of-her-mind-insane, and incredibly disgusting, and you describe the point of view from an insane person very well. It's because of the brilliant writing that this story is going in my favourites, without a doubt. I love the way you write, and how you stuff so much plot in a one-shot without it seeming packed. I'm impressed, well done!
| Limited Edition chapter 1 . 12/24/2011
Hahaha omg this was just too good! I love the descriptions and the sheer brutality! It made me laugh quite a few times. Great job
| SJR chapter 1 . 12/13/2011
Hey :) Just had to pop in and see some of your other work before I returned to your main project XD Thought this was brilliant - perfectly executed even down to the dictionary definition at the beginning. You managed to incorporate that into the narrative perfectly without it seeming too formal. In fact, it was so clinical that it set the tone immediately. Great stuff! You really are a brilliant writer :)
| Only an old bard chapter 1 . 12/7/2011
Wow. If creepy is what you were going for, then that is what you have achieved. I really like that this is told by the killer's point of view rather than the victim's; it makes it much different than most horror stories. Your style is clean and crisp, and so is your imagery, at least of her eating him. Their surroundings, not so much.
| lifeisgood4u chapter 1 . 11/16/2011
Hello, I bring tidings from RG!
I admit, this did scare me. It really did. Now don't take that the wrong way, one good thing about scaring you're reader is that means the reader was concentrating enough and had enough details in front of him or her to really fear the depiction. So congrats there.
The characters were realistic, and I admit, I do like the way the female was put out. She really laid some nice ideas down. The male wasn't amazing, but not bad. He defiantly was typical, but that's just it; he was typical. Due to her "prey" I suppose this wasn't a bad choice of character, but I just couldn't feel that sorry for him. A brighter man might have let to more grieving, and with the added emotion the effect of remorse would have been better.
Another thing I liked was the disturbance I got while reading it. I know that also might sound bad, but I love when a story disturbs me. The mystery behind that intrigues, and makes the reader think more. How she found pleasure in literally eating someone, the way you put that was brilliant. The reader can slightly relate, but not to such extremes that it breaks our personal bubble and really brings the actions to life in the character.
I admit though, you could have used more metaphors and such while writing. This isn't a serious issue, but I did feel there could have been more there. Just a little bit.
Overall, a nice piece. Good job!
| macabre thoughts chapter 1 . 11/14/2011
I appreciate how much detail you manage to put into less than two thousand words.
The early establishment of the narrator as a voreaphile opens up her whole world to the reader, letting the philosophy sneak in the back door, and giving her dimensions that go beyond her identity as a deviant and a serial killer. She's a villain with every accoutrement you could desire, including an arch-nemesis. I wonder if the 'famous detective' quoted in the opening lines is one and the same with Wilhelm?
Every analogy of taste comes off fresh and well-placed - 'a cold, tasteless appetizer', 'blueberry gumdrop eyes', the 'bitter taste' in her mouth. It never gets overpowering, adding a skilful atmosphere to the tale. Plus, the irony of Trevor calling her 'sugar' isn't lost.
My favourite part is still the appealingly idealistic rant. "But, honestly, who are we to decide what's crazy and what isn't?" ... "Perhaps it's the next step in evolution — natural selection of the mind."
If you continued this, I'd definitely read it! Great work.
| Beautility chapter 1 . 10/31/2011
Popping in from the RG- finally. Sorry about the wait on it.
I love the description of the blood with food metaphors. It helps to build the narrator's connection between human flesh and food by using things considered in the schema. It also helps to tone down the gore aspect without damaging the horror, for people with more delicate constitutions.
The philosophical discussion as far as insanity goes didn't quite work for me however. It seems a bit stilted, with Trevor's lines being purely supplemental. Assuming the drugs haven't hit his system yet, it's the type of dialogue that only makes sense in the context of a story.
| jinx1764 chapter 1 . 10/27/2011
Oh man, this was fucking awesomely sick! Your mind and imagination is just as fucked up as mine, though I can't say I've ever got an idea quite like this before. Okay... so ...
First off, I loved how you went overboard with the blood/flesh/gore descriptions making them too artistic: marmalade, strawberry jam, etc. She equates them with food since he's food in her eyes. Makes me wonder if she ever eats normal food and this is her 'special dinner out once a month'.
Your character's delve into psychology was nicely done. Normal/crazy/crazy/normal-they're often a matter of perspective especially when dealing the functionally insane. And we're all a tad crazy in our own ways, some are just more functional than others. Being a medic I've seen lots of crazy and they're not always my patients.
Great dialogue, smooth transitions as the tension build between them and he barely figured out his fate. And language is never a problem for me, in fact I think it can be used effectively with the right characters.
Well written overall, but I did see a couple of awkward lines.
[After exhaling smoke, coming to a stop at a red light, I switch off the radio.] This isn't wrong yet it reads choppy, took me out of the story a bit.
[sips from a flask of booze he found that I had stashed in my glove box.] You could drop -that I had- It would read smoother and the idea is implied that she place it there. It is afterall her car, her glove box.
There's a few places that you rhymed and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I don't not like it, but I usually not a fan of rhyme in prose. It's obviously deliberate and in some ways adds to the pattern of the story since this is a ritual for her. A pattern in which she derives great satisfaction.
And her last word FEED. As is in cattle feed. I was expecting her to say food. So it kind of weirded me out to read feed instead. I makes sense for her to think of the rest of humanity as cattle and adds a creepy layer to her. And yet it also jerks at the end. Not saying I would change it but it was very 'huh?' in my brain at first. But then that would be the point.
Finally got to read today after a long shift yesterday. Going to get another chapter of Kristoph next, but I remembered that you also asked for Vore to be reviewed. Since it was a one shot and had less, I figured wth.
| Ezekiel Finch chapter 1 . 10/24/2011
Hi from the RG!
Well I guess I'm not hungry anymore :P
I really like this idea of flesh and blood having these different food like substances. Blood is like tabasco sauce and strawberry jam. The man's you-know-what was a sausage (double entendre!). But most importantly, his flesh was meat. I found all of your descriptions to be extremely provocative and strong and it left a specific taste in my mouth.
I also really like this idea of explaining an unusual fetish through supernatural means and ideas. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this woman is some sort of flesh eater. You take this almost inexplicable sexual fantasy and provide magic to authenticate it. Her teeth are oddly sharp and her stomach can somehow withstand uncooked flesh. Its thought provoking and it really adds that layer of horror that you are very well known for.
Good luck in this months WCC!