|Reviews for Team Sierra Origin|
| Joshua Chrisstoff chapter 2 . 10/10/2012
Gidday Sierra Strike
I like what you have here. I am no expert, that is an absolute fact BUT we all have opinions and some of them are not worth hearing. Here is mine.
I could take this and write 5,000 words on it. When I am writing, I take a scene or idea and visualise it. I try to 'be there', as one or each of the characters. I believe we write similarly, as first person POV of the MC the team lead. It seems very natural to me and I fear if I tried to do otherwise I would relapse into what I do automatically.
A side issue, I make a point of keeping swearing out of my work. It is purely a personal thing and not motivated by anything special in any way. My mother did used to say that swearing was simply displaying a lack of vocabulary, well, something like that.
"got onto our Humvees"
Okay, with this, who is driving? The team or a soldier driver from the motor pool? If they are 'our' vehicles, what special bits and pieces of customising has happened? What 'extras' do they have stashed? Who amongst them has the advanced driving badge or qualification? So is it four in two hummer or do they run three or four vehicles for this deployment to cover all the additional kit they are toting? If they are 'ours', and they hold our kit, why weren't they guarded and/or locked away safely in a secure compound or warehouse?
I know you have all this information in your head, you 'could' tell me all this, so why not do so within the book and truly hook me into the atmosphere? 120-130 degrees Fahrenheit, a breeze that just feels like they left the blast furnace door open. Only the finest of sands were carried on the wind as the sand dunes slowly moved from east to west.
I feel you have so much more to tell me . . . you have a story here and I want to find out more about your team and their adventures.
| Joshua Chrisstoff chapter 1 . 10/10/2012
Gidday Sierra Strike
My area of writing is military, spec ops. Not surprisingly, my MC is the best there has ever been! GRIN Maybe they will meet someday and compare notes.
Looking at your eight man team, you seem to suggest they are all single specialty guys. I also note there is not a female amongst them. In today's 'market' or environment, I have found a place for a woman, purely on merit, of course. You may want to revisit your choices here. It is a helluva bother at times, all those woman's issues, and me just a single bloke, but I feel she adds a great dimension to my team.
My team members have to have multiple skills. I run a six man team. This team is soooooo special they cover all required skills, twice, with just five people. That forces all to have four or more skills at specialist level or above. In reality, that is so far from reality or possible it is . . . well . . . fiction!
My series started in Nov 08 and is completed at 21 volumes. All stand alone, from 80-100k words each. Someone advised me to have a book at 80k words.
I numbered them to keep track of them and I have 48 started with 21 finished. The final book contains irrevocable issues that means it has to be the end, however of the others that were started, from 500 to 10,000 words, I guess, many are completable that won't affect the final book. Some of those starts are very exciting and I would love to complete more books, b4 the end.
Of course, even b4 I completed 21, I had started a new, related, series which keeps the original series concepts alive. I believe it works, to my satisfaction that is.
I like your premise and approach. One issue is where you say the Sgt is moving directly to Captain. I am nto a military man BUT I am worried about that. There is 2nd Lt, Lt and then captain. I wonder why the skipping of the ranks, I am not sure the military, anywhere, would permit such a thing. Next but minor problem is the three captains. It is not an insignificant rank and I wonder if starting out with three at such a high rank may not strangle you later on? I am also worried about 4 sgts and Doc. Doc can be any level, no issue there but again, sgt is not an insignificant rank and it others me again, that you may strangle some creativity later as you and the team develop.
I know in my scenario all positions are held purely on merit. Nothing else is considered.
Just a very minor other issue is that my team, woman and all, all sleep side by side in the barracks and they guy[s] stand guard as she showers and toilets. It is all perfectly automatic now, over the years. Within the team there is no rank and at any given time, any one of the team members may act or appear to outsiders to be the obvious leader. They believe they are all equal so maybe they are shielding the actual leader of the team in case they would be considered as a more valuable target. Something like that.
Clearly, the members are all friends, given they have been together for such a long period. Seven years as at the start of Vol 1.
I have just signed up[ today so can't PM etc yet. I would love to remain in close contact with you, to care and share each others work. Your call, 100%, no pressure!
| Wolf Spirit Evan chapter 1 . 10/3/2011
You may or may not benefit from saying the slightest bit of extra attention to the spelling of your words, like "assessing" (actually, that was the only error I saw, which is better than me sometimes).