|Reviews for There Be Monsters|
| Michael Panush chapter 1 . 10/7/2011
Well, I have to admit my disappointment in this story. You really didn't listen to the criticisms that I've brought against your earlier stories and the old flaws are still there. I liked some things. The concept might lead to some cool stories. The brain controlling the robot was a nice twist (though it didn't have anything to do with the plot or conflict of the story) and at least the characters weren't completely unlikeable. I'd say the big problems are the usual things that are wrong with your stories - character, plot, and writing.
You're two main characters here aren't very well developed or even that interesting. You can tell them apart by their dialogue at least. Jason's clinical and cold and the other guy seems normal, but you don't get to see what motivates them or their values. The story you presented is really too simple to show that, but you still could have brought that up. What was Rick's relationship like with his grandfather? I guess it was pleasant, but how does that motivate him to care about his grandfather's legacy? He just wants movie props? That's kind of boring and simplistic. And does Jason feel bad for being thrown out of his parents' house? Does he have a feeling on inferiority that he covers up with his smugness? These could be interesting questions to ask, but you don't seem to care about them. And the characters never get frustrated or scared or really seem to react at all to this Nazi robot (or what it stands for). They treat it pretty much like a little pest that has to be dealt with. Why would anyone care about that?
The plot you had was also quite simple and didn't tell us anything about the characters. You had them spend a few sentences talking about Jason's past, but it never tied into the story at all. Here's what a story's got to do - be exciting and have a plot that personally affects or reveals something about the characters. Yours doesn't really do that. The robot was also dealt with rather quickly. It caused trouble, ran off and then they killed it without a problem. It did get close to harming the dog, which was good, but then they just killed it without a problem. The brain at the end was a nice reveal, I guess, but it didn't have anything to do with the plot. They'd already killed the robot and it could be powered by a bunny for all the affect it had on the plot.
The other problem was that your writing has the same old problems as previous stories. You had too many technical description and too few evocative metaphors. I don't care about the model of Rick's car or what kind of gun Jason has. It adds nothing to the story and doesn't put a good picture or impression in my mind. You had a few metaphors, but there weren't really any good ones (arboreal cathedral was pretty good, though). Adding more and taking time to think about each one will help. I still have no idea what Jason or Rick look like. Finally, that joke about Rick Rolling was pretty awful. And wasn't Rick Rolling only popular around three or four years ago?
So, overall, not so good. You've really got to try and fix these problems if you want to make good stories. You have some good concepts, but you just need to do more work to bring them through and make me like the writing, care about the characters and be involved in the plot.