Reviews for Drunken Bones
Inkspilled chapter 1 . 11/6/2011
I especially liked the imagery and unique word choices. It gave it a sort of texture (I know that sounds weird). Also I really liked the opening and ending lines, the first one had a lot of impact in it's abruptness. One little thing, which may just be a stylistic choice, is the start of every line is almost a separate thought in itself, but you could connect some of those ideas with 'and', 'but', 'so' or 'like'. For example, "we're trying to light a fire, but it gets extinguished...".

I just wanted to point out that using words like that is a good way to add syllables to keep the rhythm going, almost like a little cheat I use. P Also sometimes using long words can be tricky if it extends a sentence. I tend to be OCD about sentence length patterns, so for "in our self-deprecating oxygen", which is 4 syllables, you could have used "deprived" instead. Long words are always tricky, but I do like some of the lines like "Drunk, wickedly out of our minds", it's really illustrative and sounds good.

I hope that was helpful, I always feel imposing when I review and point out things to change. Just make it your own, and whatever sounds best to you. :)
Subbie chapter 1 . 10/10/2011
reminds me of two depressed people trying to help each other - it is only but rarely that they both succeed in becoming stable. It's like two people that are drowning and leaning on each other for support... simply not gonna happen. Good job tho :)