|Reviews for Heroes in Training|
| OurHideOut chapter 1 . 10/12/2011
Its a really great story! Long but great. Only thing I could say is go back and edit that first paragraph, its hard to read through all that text.
If your thinking on extending this story i would suggest shortening the chapter a bit until you progress more.
Oh and Ryan seems a little to mean, a little unbelieveable as well. I would say lighten up his personality a bit so he doesn't come off as a emotion more than a character. I see where your trying to go with him but other people might find it hard to relate to him.
The whole perfect thing with him is awesome though. I'm actually currently writing a story on perfection on this sight!
At first with Robin i was afraid she would be an emotion too but then you made her go sarcastic and that pulled me right out of that thought! I'm happy to see a new based story that's not about teen werewolves and vampires. The classic magic is perfect!
Honestly when you described the whole training base, my first thought was 'Sky High' only because of them being super hero training.
I know that you just started this story and all but the text seems hard to follow sometimes. In the middle area you seem to jump back and forth between Ryan and Robin. Be sure to tell your reader in bold or italisized font who is talking at the time. Even applying a key on who is talking is very helpful.
I hope i didn't come off like an editor or something but truthfully through all the commenting i have to say this story could come to something big! What a great writing project :D
I'm looking forward to seeing you continue this, count me as a fan!