|Reviews for The Legacy of Camnor|
| Member chapter 2 . 1/30
From the point up to here, it was very emotional and just the way characters would feel in real life. The story is just interesting and VERY DESCRIPTION. I kinda got lost reading too much, but it's okay to pick it up back on track again!
| Member chapter 1 . 1/30
I came across this story today and... Very descriptive writing, and I hope to see more dialogue. Maybe there was in the few chapters or so, but I liked this so far. And the baby's actions are neat and so awesome, I've always had a little problem writing some things about babies and how to manage to make them appear in stories seem more like "real-life" babies. XD
| gem chapter 1 . 1/18
The beginning was very slow, I really had to fight my way through it. And comparisons are nice, but they slow down the pace of the story even more and that is also not a good attention grabber in the beginning. Please make sure they add something and fit. For example, an aging man with thick leather skin? The skin of old people is thin as a rule, and leather is animal skin so it didn't really make sense.
There are also a few sentences in which you use multiple comma's. Please cut those into separate sentences , one for each action/thought.
grammar: better for he and his wife should be for him and his wife? I'm not sure about this, because I am not a native speaker myself.
This seems like it is only criticism, but I really like the second half of this chapter. It is very difficult to tell of a (mostly)ordinary beginning. Not that giving birth is an ordinary occurrence, but for the stories that are classified as fantasy on this site, this was daringly normal. It was a very good beginning, and I look forward to reading the rest of your story.
| koyama chapter 5 . 1/3
so far a interessting read. i hope to find out much more in the future.
i'm not so sure if i have to say it since you take time laps very well but please don't make the mistake (like a lot of writers) and write to much new things / don't bring to much progress in your story within only some days or so, with this, your till now wonderful story would lose its apeal.
i hope till soon... (sorry have no tipe supper .)