Reviews for Calder: Adam and Dust: December 15 2014
Dan Gregory chapter 1 . 11/10/2011
Tristan shares the same name as my character! XD

Okay, sorry, that bit was unnecessary. Couldn't help adding it, though. On the other hand, I'm really impressed by this piece of work! Very insightful, and very uniquely-thought out. It's rare for me to come across this kind of story... I'm glad I took my time and read this.

Though to be honest I'm not much of a religious person and I wasn't able to identify with the Bible quotes and such... Sorry.
Beautility chapter 1 . 10/28/2011
I completely agree with Calder's opinion of the bored students. While it's nice to see all the facts and arguments presented to prove the research was done, it's also horrifically dull. Seeing the characters' reactions to it works in your favour though.

I'm not too sure how I feel about Tristan's way of speaking towards the end. I understand the excessive use of "me" to demonstrate that he's regressing to a former speech pattern, but it does come across as a bit heavy handed. Tone it down a bit and introduce different linguistic aspects to it if you want a more natural change. Overall, quite a good debate to read.

-Beau
Deedee Elle chapter 1 . 10/27/2011
I found the speech tag of 'with tongue in cheek sarcasm' a bit unwieldy. I'm not sure why he would be sarcastic or tongue in cheek as I haven't read any of the other sections.

I found the end section of this with the scene between Calder and Miranda much more interesting than the start because it contained more of a personal emotional element.

The use of the conversational technique to impart a lot of facts didn't really work for me as it seemed too unrealistic. I think this was mainly because the way the characters were able to quote chapter and verse so perfectly and the chunks of dialogue were very big. Adding a few more descriptions of how each character reacted to what the other was saying would have made it seem less heavy going. I think it is an interesting idea and some of the pro-creationist arguments are ones I've not come across before so were interesting to read.
lookingwest chapter 1 . 10/21/2011
I liked that you used this as a nonfiction-like creative writing by adding in a lot of the persuasion argument on creationism because I don't see this done very often on FP and I think you handled it in a great way that can get conversation going about some of these heavy topics. As someone who is pro-choice, an agnostic, and a believer in evolution, I respected seeing the arguments for creationalism and everything, and found this very educational and insightful. It didn't change any of my beliefs, but I'm also not the kind of person who picks arguments with anyone else's-I respect what you've done here and I also respect the argument. For some of this, like the rambling off of all the things that humans are made of, I think you could maybe get rid of some of that and cut it down just because the reader might get the idea within the first few things on the list instead of seeing all of it-it becomes something very skimmable. Otherwise I did like your story techniques in writing this and I liked how you conveyed your information through dialogue because it was creative and it conveyed a lot of information in a believable way :) Good luck in future endeavors, this was very interesting!
Violet Sarblew chapter 1 . 10/18/2011
I am going to cry so hard right now. I am so glad there is someone out there who believes in the same thing I do: creationism. Thank you so much. :')
HellsRolling chapter 1 . 10/16/2011
Interesting story and also good.
lalala445 chapter 1 . 10/16/2011
I'm not one to follow the Bible, but I still found this story interesting. I only saw one mistake "...it would stretch from here to the moon – which, by the way, is 238,854 away. " should have a unit next to 238,854. That is my only error that I saw. Hope to see you by the Roadhouse soon!

lalala445