|Reviews for Cake|
| FreeSpiritSeeker chapter 2 . 6/16/2012
Dhani-sorry for taking so long to get around to reading this, I've been offline and busy for a while. You have a great talent for description! The story is very different from anything I've read before, and I'm interested in seeing where you take it from here. I hope you post more soon.
| Selena Estella chapter 2 . 1/18/2012
Whoa, it's so sinister! I hope poor Luke is ok...
Lol, I'll admit that my mouth watered a bit when I pictured the three-tire chocolate cake, but after the rest of the descriptions, and Luke's reaction, I certainly wasn't hungry. I think you're really good at making all the food sound undesirable. I know a lot of people would be drooling at the thought of all that gluttony(me included), but the way you write it make it sound anything but nice, which is effective.
(I will resist the urge to dissect and analyze this chapter as my English teachers have taught me.)
Please update soon!
| LawnMowingUnderWaterCat chapter 2 . 11/18/2011
D: awwww! Poor Luke! As much as I hate what's happening to him, I have to say this was a great chapter.
| Aoife129 chapter 1 . 11/7/2011
Very well-written so far. Aside from a select few grammar errors, this is one of the best pieces I've seen on this site. You did a very good job of alluding to what Luke's family plans to make him do without actually revealing it, and your description in general does a wonderful job of painting the scene. I'm excited to see where you take this story.
| theDeadTree chapter 1 . 11/5/2011
I really liked this, it was an interesting idea and you wrote it beautifully. Luke's obvious extreme distaste for his family was evident the whole way through, and you captured the moodiness of his situation well. Amazingly well done :)
| Number Thirteen chapter 1 . 10/28/2011
| Fruffles chapter 1 . 10/27/2011
Wow lol this is definetly interesting - i'm curious to see what this fattening ritual is xD Great writing and no negatives to report
| Sir Scott chapter 1 . 10/27/2011
There is something funny about this story. I couldn't quit laughing. This story strikes me as a parody of coming of age stories. Fat people are one of the few people that you can poke fun of without endangering your standing with the politically correct crowd, so I don't know what to make over your subject choice. Good luck with this.
Wishing You Good Health and Plenty of Wealth,
| Abahgal Thomas chapter 1 . 10/22/2011
Ohh . . . that was interesting. I would love to find out what happens next.
| SaharaLily Nightshade chapter 1 . 10/17/2011
This is certainly an interesting idea. I would tell you things that can be changed or how to improve, but to be honest, I can't find anything. At all. Hm... that's it. Good job :D
| LawnMowingUnderWaterCat chapter 1 . 10/17/2011
I really liked it. I feel sorry for Luke.
| neelyn8r chapter 1 . 10/16/2011
A review for a review, eh? Intriguing.
Very tense, and yet, darkly funny—Luke has a fear of being like his family? Interesting premise. I can sense his hatred and disgust. The intro grocery list was very unique. Keep writing! This looks to be good.
| illishar Ontega chapter 1 . 10/16/2011
A very interesting look at being the odd one out in a family of unconventional people. I'd love to see you write the reverse - a fat kid in a family of skinny people - just to see if you can capture the same moodiness in the opposite situation.
| MyLifeEndedOn06.24.11 chapter 1 . 10/16/2011
Aw, poor Luke. I hope that he has enough strength that he doesn't fall into their scheme to make him fat as well. That must be creepy...your parents trying to force you to become fat. Shudders. I really like the story, please continue! :D
| Randomocity chapter 1 . 10/15/2011
You wrote this story very well, and my sympathy abounds for Luke. It is disturbing, but I want to read more!