|Reviews for I Don't Care You're Dead|
| Vampireacademyrox chapter 2 . 10/17/2011
love it plz ud soon XD
| Miss-You-Too chapter 1 . 10/17/2011
I'm really interested in the plot of this story i like the idea of ghost stalking her for help. With that said though the formatt of the story made it difficult to stay interested (i just skipped to the review because i couldnt bare to read any further). For one your writting is a bit choppy with grammar and sentence structure errors that made it hard to understand what you were trying to say. Two there's barely any description and the way you jumped into the story at the begining made it hard to figure out who your talking about. Like her friends for example whats their name and what do they look like? You didnt elaborate on that until like 7-9 paragraphs in the story where some of the plot already started to take place. And also i want to know more details about the demons a simple red and black wasnt enough to paint a picture for me. The last thing that bothered me was whenever there is silence you have : "...". When your writing a story you never want to use that to show silence. The correct thing to do is describe it. Like saying : an awkward silence took place as jimin tried her best to ignore the two transparent beings clutched to her feet. That sounds alot more interesting than "..." seeing as 3 dots dont exactly say much. Anyway i do like the idea but the formatting just made it boring and hard to read...i hope you dont thing am being mean am just being honest because that is how i feel about your story. So if anything in my review confused you (am typing this all on my phone so it probably did) feel free to pm me and ill try my best to clarify. :-) i hope i helped at least a little.
| sandcastlesinthesand chapter 2 . 10/17/2011
Oh my gosh, right when he started talking about the devil, "Spooky Mormon Hell Dream" from the Book of Mormon came on.
If you don't know what that is, you should go listen to it, by the way. THE BOOK OF MORMON (the musical) IS ACTUALLY MY LIFE.
Anyway, a bit of constructive criticism, I guess. You shouldn't do that weird "..." thing instead of dialogue. It just doesn't look right, and it's kind of annoying, I guess. You can describe that through words because putting "..." doesn't really say much. It just seems kind of lazy.
Also, I can tell that you're trying not to say her name over and over again, but it's a bit weird when you call her "the teenager" since readers already know that.
Don't know how to explain that.
It just seems like trying to put weird details where they don't belong?
I love the plot though! Daemon seems awesome.