|Reviews for Ergo Sum|
| 839538 chapter 8 . 1/17/2013
The narrative is really good, but you have a tendency to over-use certain phrases, which can get a bit annoying, and even shorten them which is even more annoying. But otherwise the story's great.
| TorgoTheWhite chapter 8 . 9/29/2012
Once again, the chapter intermingles solid action with the correct dose of character quirk. Gamma is growing on me (don't know if that is a good thing) and my only complaint is that the story verged on info dumping at points (all hard sci-fi writers are guilty of this).
The reveal of the "disco balls" came as a bit of a surprise. I suppose that they truly are "disco balls of doom".
| TorgoTheWhite chapter 6 . 9/26/2012
Solid chapter with nice action interspersed through out. Frank cracks me up with his childish antics and Linda does the same with her snarky comments. The cannibalism part with Gamma freaked me out quite a bit. Is he the favorite character you were talking about? Talk about fan disservice.
| TorgoTheWhite chapter 5 . 9/24/2012
Chapter looks good for the most part. One minor issue. Guan Yu did not use a halberd (if you are talking about the historical Guan Yu, it is a different matter). The ROT3K version, which is the one most people these days are familiar with, used a Guan Dao, which is closer to a broadsword with a long pole than a halberd, which is an amalgamation of axe and spear.
I assume that the "hideously gaudy reflective spheres" are disco balls?
" 'Freeze!' I heard a voice behind me shout. 'Gimme the food, and I might let you live!' " - the "threat" sounded a little unnatural even to a geek like me. Perhaps injecting an expletive or two would make it sound more desperate and convincing?
The Frank character sounds fascinating. Is he supposed to be a representation of the overweight, socially awkward video game nerds living in basements?
| TorgoTheWhite chapter 4 . 9/22/2012
I guess I am a bit confused about the part when Frank got shot? Did the chubby guy really have something underneath him protecting him from bullets (like an endoskeleton?).
Generic question regarding the zombies featured. Are they resurrected from the dead by the virus or are they ordinary human beings who lose sapience after infection?
| TorgoTheWhite chapter 1 . 8/18/2012
Hi John. Finally got time to get back to fiction press again. Nice to see that you are as prolific as always!
Great to see a story about computer engineers the way we always want to be presented as (Matrix style hackers instead of the losers we actually are, most of the time). Interesting that the people of the future still use the Wi-fi protocol.
| Stardrag chapter 1 . 1/25/2012
Very well done.
I hadn't expected one of the first stories I'd read since coming back here to be of such high quality. You lack any apparent grammar mistakes, but I was thinking that maybe you could cut off the last sentence and place your introductory paragraph at the end. Mainly because the beginning acts as if we're starting in this other world instead of only going there later.
Just my own observations though. Also, I didn't know about "bullpup till now. Thanks for teaching me something.
| tyger cub chapter 1 . 10/25/2011
Interesting concept. Well written and can't wait to see the next chapter...