Reviews for A Most Sinister Relationship |
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![]() ![]() Still interested in an alternate ending. :) |
![]() ![]() ![]() An alternative ending would be fantastic as I think they need to end up together. |
![]() ![]() ![]() helllllllllllllyeayyyyyyy...does that count as a sincere answer ? :P I do want an alternate ending please :D |
![]() ![]() ![]() I was really drawn into your story from the start, you had elements of intrigue, an enigmatic lead with a sordid past with great descriptions and plot development. So it was really disappointing to be invested in a story which then culminated in a rather disturbing and unsatisfying ending. The story did not hint at Mark's supposed underlying insanity, instead depicting him as a person moving on from his demons and so I felt it was totally out of character that he raped the object of his supposed salvation. I did think it would be interesting if more elements of Mark's past were revealed, and the repercussions this could have on his family and Beth. And I also liked the element of the small town and the detrimental effects of when rumours permeate throughout a community. I could tell towards the end that the story wouldn't end with Mark and Beth together, which I felt fine with, I think I have issue with how brutally you ended their story and thought the conclusion of the story would be more poignant and bittersweet with a realistic break-up, especially when a child is involved. |
![]() ![]() Still not impressed that Mark unexpectedly raped her it's just so bizarre and out of character that he did that and I know he's your character but it's just how I truly feel about this and though you did say the whole ending was coming down to this, the ending feels rather rushed like you couldn't figure out what to write next. I just truly feel it was a bad and very disastrous ending to a very great story. |
![]() ![]() I agree with a lot of the comments below. The ending was somewhat disapponting, after Senner going from being in love and wanted to spend the rest of his life with Beth to rape? It left a horrible taste in my mouth for some reason. I think everyone was waiting for a happy ending, after such a long wait and to be honest it should have happened because the ending does not add up or make sense. You did a wonderful job on story and you should be Proud but a second story? Really?... Maybe you should move on? Anyway... thank for the story it kept us on our toes. Hope life treats you welll. Linaa-lily |
![]() ![]() You say you've always intended for this outcome since the beginning but the problem is there was no build up, no hint, no foreshadowing, no warning, no red flags, so of course it's going to come off as a last minute 180 change, I could re-read this and still not see the secret hints because you forgot to put them in, I know you want surprise, a shock factor, but you need to do it the Hitchcock way for it to work, I'm not saying be obvious, I'm saying put the clues in throughout the story cleverly hidden in the mundane details a reader would overlook but then would see re-reading and knowing the outcome. You're great at the romance build up but you need to work on your suspense build up to where the shocking twist doesn't feel shoe-horned in but cleverly hidden in the mundane details. THERE ALWAYS HAS TO BE RED FLAGS because in reality there always are red flags. |
![]() ![]() ![]() It seems you've already gotten the message from other reviewers since you've posted more explanations and now will offer an alternate ending, but I just wanted to put in my two cents as well. These last three chapters or so were just completely disconnected from the rest of the story. The last two chapters (if 43 is considered a chapter since it was so short) read as if you decided to write a completely different story. I'll admit, I'm a sucker for happy endings, but can accept when a story, at least the first volume doesn't have one. I know you're saying that this is a first draft, I just hope you realize you have to change the entire feel of the story. I can guarantee you the majority, yes majority, of the readers you have for this story would not have been interested in what you hoped to create with this story, it's completely different genres and therefore going to be a completely different fan base. I'll definitely read the alternate ending because I feel it should be the real ending for this story. You have a great writing ability, but your ideas weren't conveyed well at all for this story. This chapter in particular makes absolutely no sense and frankly just had me angry and frustrated especially since I followed this story from day one (2.5 years ago), but like you said our anger was motivation for you to finish whatever this chapter and ultimately story was, so, congratulations. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Hey Vaxil, I've adored this story and your writing from the very beginning (even when I think your made your first version when Sennar originally dressed in Victorian clothing?). I must say you have such a talent for writing you really do. I've read a few of the comments before writing mine, as many people tend to be a lot better at articulating thoughts I have. I am disappointed in the ending - but more because I think your skill and gift for narrative could have set it up much better. I believe that if that's how you always intended to end it, then fair enough (it's your story after all!), but it just felt... Rushed, for lack of a better word. Although we saw flashes of Mark's anger and ability to hurt people, it was never suggested it could be on that scale, and often towards people who deserved a harsher hand (Ted and Carolyn). I know you said you're going to go back through and revise, so maybe it's something you do address. I would like to see the alternative ending (just for my own romantic sensibilities), but I think I would read the sequel and pro-log, just because it is such a different story, and you are such a talented writer. I hope I haven't been too harsh in my critique (I know I feel it keenly when someone comments on my own), but hopefully I've been fair! I look forward to seeing what else you do. |
![]() ![]() Hey, too lazy to login, lol. But I'd definitely be interested in an alternate ending. Speaking of how you didn't show Mark to be messed up enough to rape Beth, I also think you should have worked on Beth and Connor's relationship a bit more. It seems very sudden, and I think you should have shown Beth's feelings for him more throughout the story. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Hey, :'( so upset haha, and it could work if you made them together, thats if you are planning on a sequel, you could let mark and beth end up together and in the second one show how his lies that he has kept hidden start to affect their relationship. I think your right though the character Connor just seems a little off to me his who being was just 'there' i guess, i know that doesn't make much sense, but hopefully you understand. I think that them ending up together could work out and still give you the story you want, i just think that the way you do it during the story has to build it up a bit more, like Marks depression, lies and drinking problem, you can make that more pronounced you know. I still strongly believe that the two should end up together in a way they are both messed up and doesn't that itself make a sinister relationship? I think there is a lot you can do for the sequel if they end up together in this one, but how it has ended now im struggling to see how you can develop it, hope not to offend you or anything you know i love your work thats just my opinion. But for your alternative ending my suggestion is to let them end up together but still have that sinister quality to it that shows that the relationship is wack, and have the story still end with Leah still going to the hospital. hope that was slightly helpful :) |
![]() ![]() PLEASE MAKE AN ALTERNATE ENDING AND GET RID OF THE FIRST ONE YOU MADE! so I can live a happy fictionpress life and not make a fool out of myself by sending you that review video as I said before in my last review. C'mon! Everyone loves Beth and mark! Write about their life in the sequel, them starting a family, not the clichéd she unexpectedly gets pregnant but maybe an old flame of Mark has returned, there's someone trying to get back at Mark so theres gonna be danger to the family, ANYTHING! just please get rid of your actual ending. Who cares if people think it's a sappy romance ending because it won't be because everyone knows this was a drama and it will be a NICE SWEET ENDING WHERE THEY GET TOGETHER AND START A GREAT LIFE WITH A FEW BUMPS ON THE WAY! Thank you |
![]() ![]() ![]() I'll read an alternative ending! Just to see what's up. I say give us the prequel first, that way we know more about Mark and his past which lead to his ultimate break down. Then either the sequel or the revision. |
![]() ![]() After reading the final chapter I had to go back to the begging to refresh my memory because I was so confused. This story has potentional so allow me to share some constructive critism. The final chapter came off as rushed and irrelevant to the whole story. I thought I was reading a whole different book! At one point I had to scroll back to the top to double check the title. Beth randomly decides that Connor is the love of her life and was brutally raped by her main love interest? My problem with this is that Conner showed some interests in Beth, which she did not reciprocate. Beth and Connor did not have enough interactions to allow the reader to even foreshadow this. Another point, you painted Mark to be a very nice guy. He's quiet, he takes great care of his daughter, he saves teenagers from rape. Get what I'm saying? It seemed as if the town was just nosy and liked to speculate false gossip. That ending unpredictable and not to mention disappointing. If Mark was meant to be this dark character with evil intentions you didn't efficiently show those traits to your readers which is why his actions were completely unexpected. After Beth tells him she doesn't return his feelings he rapes her? All of your characters were out of character and it was clearly rushed. The ending didn't necessarily have to be your typical happy ending...just not this. Don't bother with a sequel bc your readers, I'm sure, are already confused with how you ended this. My intentions are not to flame but to give you my honest opinion on what could have been a good story. Best wishes. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Helll Yeaaa count me in...I mean I do admit you're a good writer but a part of me still crave that good ending between you ! v |