|Reviews for The Joy of The Tiger|
| Guest chapter 1 . 11/12/2012
Awesome as always, kanka .s.s
| Periwinkle chapter 1 . 8/25/2012
This is Awesome with a capital. :)
| love971 chapter 1 . 2/3/2012
WOW is all i can say, i promised i will read the rest of your stories, there were very very few spellig and grammar mistakes. But then again, what do i know? Anyways, fantastic one shot! I love the way your write you shiuld seriously concider it as a career, no pressure... hahah good work! keep it up! Cant wait to read more of your work
| swamp13 chapter 1 . 1/18/2012
| Demon chic chapter 1 . 11/15/2011
It was real nice and short but i'd prefer it if it was a bit longer y'know? Loved it anyway
| ChellyWrites chapter 1 . 11/13/2011
LOVE IT! :) Keep on writing! xoxo, Chelly
| Snowflake Bunny chapter 1 . 11/7/2011
Wow! This is awesome! I would never have known that this was your first if you hadn't told me. The only mistake I noticed was at the end, you used her when I think you should have used him. Maybe I'm wrong. Your writing is great! Can you write some more for this? I would love to read it.
| Magicheart chapter 1 . 11/1/2011
That was cute, and I'm surprised her towel stayed on! Thanks for writing.
| NotJustAnotherGirl chapter 1 . 10/30/2011
This has great potential! I like the plot idea, but your writing is rather sloppy.
For one, try to work on your punctuation. There is never ever a space between a word and the appropriate ending puctuation, such as a period, exclamation point, or question mark.
There's a pink elephant over there !
There's a pink elephant over there!
What's a doppleganger ?
What's a doppleganger?
In both instances, the last example is correct. I noticed you tend to put those extra spaces in a lot.
Another thing: Don't write how you speak, or how you would post of facebook, twitter, myspace, a blog, or whatever online social tool you may use. The way you talk should be different from your writing style. When the characters in your story are speaking, then you can incorperate your manner of speaking into that, but your descriptions, and narrations should sound more mature, like a stoy teller rather than a gossiping teen.
Thirdly, you should put more description into this. I have no idea what Aaron looks like, except that he's 'hot', and the same goes for Lillan.
Did you read over this before you posted it? If you did, you may want to read over it again, but this time try reading it as if you were the reader, not the author. Go over it with a fine toothed comb, and make changes that will remove unanswered questions from the readers mind.
For example, are Lillan and Liam twins? It seems as though it's implied, but you never said they were, and if they're not, you should tell the reader what the age difference is. Also, your timeline seems to be slightly dysfunctional. You stated in the beginning of this oneshot that Aaron has been 'here' for a month, yet it's the first time Lillian or Liam have ever noticed him. He's 'popular', yet Liam, who is also popular, has never heard of him before. There's a party... wouldn't Aaron be going to that party as well if he's popular like you said he is? What ever happened to the party? Why didn't you elaborate on it?
Do you see what I mean? There are many things that don't match up.
Your story moves rather fast. In some cases, that's a good thing. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but it's something you need to work with. If you want it to move fast, you've got to make it work for you. It seems kind of rushed. I know it's hard not to rush oneshots. In fact, that's why I don't post any of mine, because they always come out very awkward, rushed, and sloppy.
I enjoyed this, but you most definatly have room to improve. For an new writer, this is very good. Much better than some others I've read.
| For midnights with you chapter 1 . 10/29/2011
This is really good :)
But maybe if there's one criticism, it's that you're taking it a little fast. I know it's really, really difficult to slow things down sometimes, but just try and develop characters before the plot.
Otherwise, your writing flows and is easy to read and relate to
Keep it up!