Reviews for Swallow the White Feather
mousegirl05 chapter 7 . 1/24/2012
Fiction press is notorious for eating them. I have whined to the universe several times, but nothing changes. What I recommend is using some sort of place holder. I like to use a centered '} . {' as my line breaks. Each symbol is something the FP SHOULD recognize and keep, therefore you don't lose anything if it goes through its nasty eating phase. Find something that works for you. Just a tip from my experience!

I love Alexander's logic about should he call Elzirel human because of the extension it meant for Micah. I love considerate characters... and I'm worried about Dominic...

What I also really like is that Alex can be completely boneheaded (see chapter 5 and 6) and then [believably] be right on the money smart (clearing a path through the glass). Real people work like that too sometimes and I like to see it.

I'm getting more and more curious about that benign presence.

Okay, I laughed out loud when Alexander stepped out just as Micah really got into... himself. It was great. I feel mean for saying it but... . . .ha! Oh and then he got mad! Delicious!

Now I don't know whether to dislike or pity Elzirel! I must say you're doing a great job with that character.

What a harsh punishment for falling in lover. I wonder what wrong individual he fell for...

I'm curious why Elzirel's seems to be stressing each of their names. And why Elzirel was shocked to see Dominic.

Aw. Poor Micah. He needs a good, long hot bath and a cuddle methinks.

And Dominic? Oh, he's a star. I am so much in love with him and his character I can't even tell you. I think of all of them, he feels the most real to me: blows hot and cold, misreads, falls hard and fast... ah yes.

I don't think the kiss was too unexpected, but I'd say right now I'm not sure it feels 'of Alexander's free will'. After all, we had ice-prince Micah jerking off to a stranger's touch and said stranger was all up in Dominic's head in BED and well... right now that is all reading too much like Alex's got some mental SUGGESTION playing with his little noggin.

Still, great chapter finish!
mousegirl05 chapter 6 . 1/24/2012
The opening of this was beautiful. You obviously put a lot of thought into this setting and atmosphere.

Wicked cool on the wings and the black lines on his back!

Poor Micah.

'I can be a prick to you if that's what turns you on' Aw. Dominic is so endearing.

Not that I don't love it, but it IS kinda stupid of the boys to go gallivanting down a hole that none of them seem to know about for any other reason except that Alexander hears something. I saw almost all those horror movies; it doesn't usually turn out well for the curious. *laughs* It does of course feel natural for the characters so no complaint, just an observation _

All dialogue tags, such as 'he said' or 'he admitted', should be preceded by a ( ," ), unless the dialogue is a question or an exclamation, in which case use the appropriate punctuation (?", !"). The first word of the tag should not be capitalized as the dialogue and the dialogue tag are a single sentence (this includes when ? or ! is appropriate).

May I just say that I love Micah? I mean he's ten shades of awesome. His line about Alex (may I call him Alex?) breaking Micah’s hand from squeezing was both hilarious and sweet. Good use of tension breaking there. He just feels so tragic.

Oh, how terrible for Elrizel! The dying wings... Is that how Si lost his wings too? Poor things.

Okay, Elrizel is getting creepy now. Now I'm wondering if unpinning the wings is like opening that box… you know the ones the gods gave little Pandora…?

Uh-oh… Why not get Alexander a little ways out and go back for Micah? Drag his skinny butt back to where Alexander was and get all three out?

You certainly know how to end a chapter, don't you? Lovely. Onwards!
mousegirl05 chapter 5 . 1/24/2012
Okay! So here I am again. Sorry I wasn’t able to follow as you put up new chapters. I have been so very busy of late. *sigh* However, you seemed to appreciate my last comment, which of course *I* appreciate! One does so like to feel useful and then when one can fancy oneself helpful? Pure heaven! Anyhow, here I am again, and what I tend to do when I’m more awake than I was last time is make observations as I read… so what follows are my thoughts as I was reading. And that will continue through the subsequent chapters.

I really liked the line 'navy clouds flashed with streaks of steel grey'. It’s good imagery.

He really is a stalker if he's thinking about camouflage!

‘Scary’ is a weak word. Because it means so much, it means nothing. It's like 'good'. Good can mean anything between 'I won't throw up when I eat it' to 'oh, heavens I can die happy with this cupcake on my tongue.' Instead of 'scary anger' is it anger like the gleam of a wolf's eye? Anger like the chill of an impending snow storm? Anger like choking that shakes one's bones in terror? Playing with such thoughts adds a tangible, concrete feel to works.

Why crawl blind? I know of very few creatures that sneakily crawl blind. That's just asking to run into things that go 'bump'. It may be what’s necessary for this character, but it’s just something I thought.

‘Rational’ is a word to describe someone's character/personality. ‘Rationale’ is a word that describes someone's motivation.

The tomato sauce map/plate made me laugh. It just sounds too cute and had a great touch of realism. I’ve had friends that would do that.

Si is very interesting here. His character is so mysterious and fun. I just sorta wanted to know why he was in such a dark and dismal-seeming place on a half-sunken log!

The bit about the 'wordless sound howled out of him'... that whole line was a little confusing and sorta jarred me out of the flow of the story.

When you wrote '...and when he pushed the heavy door open and surveyed the crowded panelled room, it dissolved completely.' I realize that the subject of this clause is ‘his resolve’, however, having so many words between your subject and the verb, the reader tends to lose it. This way, it sorta sounds like maybe the door is dissolving. I suggest either flipping the two clauses, or reiterate the subject (i.e. instead of 'it dissolved' something like 'that resolve dissolved'. Bonus points for internal rhyming _).

You said the radiators were blasting finger-blistering heat and there's Jack sitting his bum right on one? Either he's a golem or you might want to consider an alteration somewhere in your descriptions—or at least having your main character wonder about him being a golem, which given what’s going on with other characters might be a reasonable thought at this point. Or at least a fun one to explore later!

Yay! Dominic is back on my good list. _ I knew I liked him. No one who slides across floors to say 'hello' could be too bad… I hope. lol

Wow, what a chapter ending! That's how to end 'em! I'm glad chapter 6 is up so I can plow right through to it! Cheers!
Linq chapter 9 . 1/24/2012
Ahh I love it!
prostock69 chapter 9 . 1/23/2012
Ch. 9: I feel like I'm Alice in Wonderland when I read this story. It's fantastic! Micah thinks he can fly! And Alexander agrees to help him. :)
GreenGrass1 chapter 9 . 1/23/2012
I am reading it and liking it! Can't wait to see Micah fly. Thanks for writing.
my poor toaster chapter 9 . 1/22/2012
Micah and alex should sooooo b a couple :3
XxrainingshadowxX chapter 9 . 1/22/2012
Im so curious about so many different things in this story- it seems like there are still so many secrets! Really well written, and I very much enjoy the depth of your characters! I definitely hope Alexander doesnt hurt Dominic just because he finds Micah fascinating- I would be so sad, I definitely love Dominic and how kind and innocent he seems.
JHeartbreak chapter 9 . 1/22/2012
Dig the poetry refence. I wish you hadn't said who it was by at the bottom so I could impress everybody with my pedantic knowledge of poetry. Not that anyone would know I hadn't googled it anyway though.

Good stuff. Good story. I'm drawn in and continue reading.
my poor toaster chapter 8 . 1/17/2012
Update soon! I subscribed to this from chapter one and i never got back to it until now and UPDATE! :D

Love and pancakes,

Stormyclouds chapter 8 . 1/17/2012
This is a really good story! I hope you update again soon!
prostock69 chapter 8 . 1/17/2012
Ch. 8: Loved this chapter! Wow, Dominic and Alexander have sex! Very hot!

Ok, I'm dying to know what happened to Si. How did he lose his wings? Were they taken from him? Did he have them removed? Is he still considered a faire w/o them?

I'm really liking the tale you are weaving. I want to know more about "The Awakening", why it happens, what causes it, etc.

Anyways, I'm not expecting answers to these questions now. I'll wait until it unfolds in the story..:)
GreenGrass1 chapter 8 . 1/16/2012
I like the way you do the cliffhangers - I am looking forward to the next chapter. I like Alexander a lot, the way he has been developed. I can't wait to learn more about the Awakening.
JHeartbreak chapter 8 . 1/16/2012
Very interesting... I simply adore Dominic. He's both vulnerable and resourceful. I'm not sure why but I just love him.

The further plot happenings are engrossing. Once again, sensuality and atmospherics are a strong point.
stylinkendoll129 chapter 8 . 1/16/2012
So if Elrizel and Si are/were Faeries then what does that make Micah? I'm not sure if you described Micah's wings in detail but are they different from Elrizel's and Micah's? I still like this story but I have no idea where it is going. I stick to reading to find out.
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