|Reviews for Brink|
| Erysimum chapter 1 . 11/3/2011
I liked the vagueness of the poem's story, the tragedy that is present but never explained- that intensifies the uncomfortable atmosphere of the poem for the reader, which I hope is what you were aiming for! Syntax is quite 'spiky' (odd line breaks, lack of an identifiable rhythmic pattern) which I think adds to that atmosphere, and your imagery was powerful.
However, I think the first stanza is quite overwritten in terms of figurative language ("vomiting / putrid filth / redredred"), to the point that it seemed a little self-conscious, and you overused formatting like bold, italics, brackets etc. For one, this style didn't continue throughout the poem, so seemed a little out of place.
I also felt like this line "hypertonic air. hypotonic soul" didn't quite fit in with the tone of the poem- it is quite clinically scientific, while the rest of the poem is very raw emotionally.
I don't want to seem overly critical, because I wouldn't have reviewed if I thought your poem had no redeeming features, but I always try to give rounded feedback! You had some good points that I just feel were swallowed up a little by the formatting. I think the impact of the poem overall would have been greater if the style was simplified slightly- let the words speak for themselves, rather than relying on too much bold and underlining to create emphasis.
| tenement shores chapter 1 . 11/3/2011
certainly the imagery is vivid, admittedly uncomfortable (in my perspective). it feels a little too overdone (the title of the of montreal song "rapture rapes the muses" comes to mind). if this is a carthic piece for you, i'm sorry to criticize. what you were trying to do was well executed, the part about fingers on the throat is intensely nightmarish (almost hallucinatory)... but aesthetically, i don't think it's fitting. a poem should be like sex or something- lovely, beautiful, roughly estatic, what have you... not a threat.