|Reviews for The Stargazer's Apprentice|
| anonymousse chapter 7 . 12/18/2012
Haha...Not gonna lie, this part hits home to me because, as a practicing Catholic myself, I understand guilt about avoiding confession all too well...
I also liked how you portrayed the danger of Clara losing her marriage prospects over her potentially "scandalous" relationship with Gianpaolo, even though nothing untoward has been happening-that was very historically accurate. I hope you expand on that point more in the later chapters. While I can believe that her mother would put her prudish fears aside for the money involved, it does seem likely that the community would find this apprenticeship to be inappropriate.
| anonymousse chapter 4 . 12/10/2012
Very character-revealing chapter for Gianpaolo (that whole speech about liking his infamy and being able to feel smug and superior to the masses, oddly enough, was very charming).
| anonymousse chapter 3 . 12/10/2012
Lol, I absolutely love the exchanges between Clara and Gianpaolo, especially the last couple of lines in this chapter that reveal that he's a bit arrogant. It's very entertaining.
| anonymousse chapter 1 . 12/10/2012
I love it so far! A very interesting and unique premise, and a fluid (but not overly flowery) style to go with it. I'm definitely intrigued to see where this is going. I like Clara as a character so far, and and the way she and Gianpaolo play off each other.
As far as historical accuracy goes, you seem right on track with the timeless-but-not-too-hokey language, although there are one or two slip-ups (for instance, I don't think they had the expression "ok," but if you just substitute "alright" I'm sure that'd be fine). Obviously, not a big deal, nothing too glaring. I'm impressed with it so far.
Also, just a little nitpick:
"I'm not selling them." Orianna entered and closed the door. "If Mama sent you to reason with me, you might as well give up now."
It's Clara who is speaking, but by making Orianna's action right between the dialogue, it implies that Orianna is the speaker. I recommend clarifying the speaker, either by putting the dialogue in a different paragraph from Orianna's action, or by putting it like this:
"I'm not selling them," she said as Orianna entered and closed the door. "If Mama..." etc
Sorry if that seems like a tiny insignificant thing, but I only nitpick like this on stories I think are worth the effort, and this one definitely is. Good work!
| shay chapter 1 . 11/30/2011
i really like the character of Clara she's street smart and intelligent