|Reviews for mistress mistrust|
| red.dahlia chapter 1 . 11/3/2011
I think it's good, but you might want the wife to be a bit more...wifey...when he falls asleep in the bathroom. Have her cover him with a blanket or something? Also, you might want to watch how you describe her. When Jeff gets home, she seems pretty angry, but she's supposed to be lost without him, right?
You might also want Denise to feel guilty about continuing to see Jeff after she learns about Eveline when she's breaking up with him, and you might want to make him slightly more apathetic at this point...after all, he's picked up numerous girls at the grocery store. Unless they've been together awhile, he can replace her pretty easily.
| october lies chapter 1 . 11/3/2011
i think this is great. i like how it was for the most part brief - especially the quick progession through one night. if there was a little more detail in this - maybe more background story - it would really flow and connect with the reader more. it jumps a little bit from moment to moment. where he meets with denise for the last time is intense, but brief.