|Reviews for Journal|
| ohsocyanide chapter 2 . 8/3/2012
I honestly really just want to lie around and review your work all day, because I've read like three poems and it's all fucking awesome. I've done that before - reviewed thirty-some odd chapters of someone's work - and they were flattered and a little creeped out, so I'll keep it down to these two for now.
This is the type of poetry that belongs in a leather-bound book that's worn to the feel of your fingertips. It should stay beside your bed, in your bag, it should be curled to the position your body sleeps in from how much you read it. I very rarely gush, but I am now, because your work is beautiful. You're insanely talented, and you should be so proud of this.
| ohsocyanide chapter 1 . 8/3/2012
I really liked this beginning poem. There's something heartbreaking about it, but at the same time it's almost an explanation. It's very well written, and it's obvious that you've created your own style. This works really well for you, I like it and I think you do well with it.
[A hundred words to make you lie to me again.] I absolutely loved this line. It's just absolutely beautiful, really, and it makes me feel so many emotions. I feel like you convey so much with this one line. The entire poem's beautiful, really, and I loved it.
| SmashedIce.X chapter 40 . 7/5/2012
I like this, great work! :)
| SmashedIce.X chapter 39 . 6/23/2012
Great poem! :)
| SmashedIce.X chapter 38 . 6/4/2012
I really like this, great work! :)
| The Autumn Queen chapter 38 . 6/4/2012
“I've never lacked the words to say, as badly as I do now.” – I wonder, is that comma really necessary? Considering it comes before the date, it may be irrelevant, but it certainly grasped my attention.
Is there a particular reason you choose to use “-.” as a divider between your first and second paragraphs and a single “.” for all the others? It’s a minor point, but takes away in the inconsistency. Unless it’s a more monumental pause, ie. separating an introduction from a body?
I particularly like your second stanza. Not only the ideas you explore in it but also its structure. Your first stanza however – while having it in parenthesis is rather effective considering the contrasting image it portrays … I personally think the lines break off in awkward places. That might have been intentional, ie. ending lines with “and” and “your” which are rather atypical, but I don’t think that’s a particularly effective start. It’s a little too tangling to immediately associate with the rest of the poem in that format.
“leaping excitedly, shouting out,/ just do it.” – perhaps a colon after “shouting out”? The tone falls rather flat quickly with a comma, particularly after coming after emotive words like “excitedly” and “shouting”.
I like your remaining stanzas too, although I think the second is still my favourite. Your last stanza in particular has interesting imagery, slanting like half an arrowhead. And the imagery of the spider was well placed as well. The one above is particularly blocked, and I wonder if the awkward wording in that sense is a sacrifice for that image.
All in all, this poem made a very nice read. Well done, and good luck.
| staras chapter 1 . 6/3/2012
I like this, good portrayal of emotion!
| SmashedIce.X chapter 36 . 5/12/2012
Definitely heard that song before but I can't think of who it's by...
Anyways, great poem! :)
| SmashedIce.X chapter 35 . 5/3/2012
By the time I read this update it was the 3rd May which is my birthday, so thank you for allowing me to read this, brilliant poem! :)
| SmashedIce.X chapter 34 . 5/2/2012
I like this, really good writing! :)
| SmashedIce.X chapter 32 . 4/9/2012
This was good, great work as always!
| YasuRan chapter 31 . 4/7/2012
Your choice of vocab always leaves me in knots. They really kick where you feel it and the feelings of entrapment, suffocation, are felt as opposed to understood. It's like a submerge into a watery brood of inner conflict and on surfacing, looking down and wondering at the darkness below. It must take a great deal out of one to spit out their innermost thoughts in such a fashion, and in one as unique as your writing voice at that.
Brilliant, insightful stuff as always :)
| SmashedIce.X chapter 31 . 4/6/2012
I like this, it creates an interesting picture!
| SmashedIce.X chapter 30 . 4/3/2012
Both of these are really good! :)
| a theoretic revolution chapter 30 . 4/2/2012
i'm really enjoying all your rambles, each chapter's so different & makes me think about them more than i probably should ha ha.