|Reviews for Three Strikes
| Harmony'sLoveHP chapter 1 . 6/26/2016
Wow. This was beautifully written and it didn't feel like a dirty story. It was beautiful.
| Guest chapter 1 . 3/5/2016
Re-reading these Quan/ Derik shots. Still hot the 'I lost count' time around. Are you planning to write more? So good!
| echogirlcapri chapter 1 . 1/4/2016
| Ishotthealbatross chapter 1 . 9/24/2015
I loved this, it was awesome. So intense :D
| serwaverider chapter 1 . 8/2/2014
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/1/2014
I have read two stories focused on this couple, and am working through the rest. I love them so far. I picked the first one out because I was in a mood and was thoroughly and pleasantly surprised by what I found. The characters are absolutely adorable. And you managed to bring an air of reality and consequence into a series (sort of) of one shots. You didn't just make it about kids having sex, you made the relationship real and complex. And they are incredibly well written to boot. Bravo and keep up the good work.
Off to read more!
| Feel The Waltz chapter 1 . 11/16/2013
Ahh i love these two guys. This will be the 3rd time i've gone through and read all their stories but it never gets old. Thank you writing! :)
| Overthinker chapter 1 . 4/13/2013
This is gorgeous! :D It's got a really natural, real feel to it, but the language is almost poetry at points. Definitely a favorite!
| GossamerSilverglow chapter 1 . 3/13/2013
How many beers does it take to make a football player giggle?
Seriously? Three. Pft. I don’t know, I just wanted to throw a random number out. Oh, that’s s’no t funny is it? Snot? I’m a dork. Let’s leave it at that.
There’s so much potential in that first line, my minds going bonkers here with all the possibilities. “He makes a subtle, breathy sound of consent when their lips connect…” Um. *Pauses* Yum! I rhymed! So is one of the guys gay and the other one is just cool with that but is all like “I’m not gay, dude.” Or are they both straight, but just happen to realize boinkin’ each other is much easier than tryin’ to coax a girl to her knees?
I’m just laughing right now. "…pussy licking errand boy…" Is that considered slapstick comedy? Whoa, six feet tall, damn, that’s pretty tall. If I didn’t want them to get together I would suggest they go for someone short because a short person won’t have to get on his knees to-I won’t’ finish that sentence. This is like a forbidden fruit that I’ve just discovered. I’ve been asked to write slash, but I never read it, not like this anyway.
That’s it? Now why would you do that? That is just cruel and unusual punishment. Too short! You make me want to caps lock. Off to read the next installment…
| Dr. Self Destruct chapter 1 . 3/2/2013
[Unsure how to respond how to respond to that,]
Looks like you repeated yourself here.
[plopping down on the lowest level of lowest level of the gym's bleachers]
I really like the seed you plant in the opening scene of the "you'll agree to anything," because when it comes up later it feels perfectly placed. I also think this conversation between them is pretty hilarious, as well as their body language, especially when one of them slumps against the other. Just from their dialogue I can tell they're completely hammered. One suggestion I have for the opening scene would be to maybe provide more setting development; since you do such a wondering job with the following two scenes, I noticed once I got to the end that I was never really able to picture *where* Quan and Derik were in the very beginning. I assume it's a party because of the "party-cup," but it's never mentioned if there are other people near them - that type of thing. Since they start making out that's the first thing I began to wonder, if other people were going to see them or if they needed to worry about other people seeing them, or if they were hanging out alone at one of their houses.
I think the last paragraph is my favorite paragraph of the entire story, because it just sounds so poetic. That line about a "whisper of wind through an empty stadium" just fits perfectly considering the clique both these men belong to. Plus the way you bring the noise of the shower into that final image... you just do a great job developing a final picture that'll stick into the reader's head. And although this is a rather naughty situation your two main characters are in, I love how you're able to take that "young lust" image and turn it into something beautiful, showing this relationship between Quan and Derik has the potential to be more than just the two of them experimenting with their sexuality.
While I really love this relationship between Quan and Derik, and I can tell there's a long history between them and they mean a lot to each other, I would've liked to have seen or been told a little more about their past. Are they both on the football team? By the time I got to the end I started to think they were, but considering Derik is kinda described as thin and weak, I don't know if I'm correct. I know this is just a one-shot of characters from a longer story of yours, so reading that will probably answer everything I'm wondering, but if you want this to stand better on its own, I think a good way to get the reader more attached to these characters (if they don't already know them) is to explore some more of their history. Doesn't have to be scene; summarizing it can be just as effective. I also know you published this awhile ago, so I don't know how willing you are to go back and revise or add to it; just thought I'd mention this in case you ever did come back.
I think you have a great pacing throughout this. There's a great balance between description/action and dialogue. Not once did I feel like things were dragging or did I have the desire to skim, and everything included seems to be important to the overall plot of the story or the characterization of your two protagonists. I also think the way you split this short-story up into three parts helps with the pacing, too. The ending is especially great, because you slow down and let those last few paragraphs really leave an impact on the reader, showing them this story is more than just two guys fucking in the shower for the first time. A lot of the bond between Derik and Quan is packed into those last few paragraphs, so I think it's a good idea you slowed down and really explored the feelings running through their heads.
Oh, and I like how the title plays into the structure of the story, too. That's really clever. :)
| Shampoo Suicide chapter 1 . 2/2/2013
Firstly, I'm angry with you. I was going to go to bed, but then I read this...then I realized there were MORE stories about these two. And now who knows when I'll go to sleep.
On to the review: What I loved most about the story was the humor. Also, I like Derik's point of view in this. I'm a big fan of first person narration, but the third person worked so well here, especially in the first section where they are drunk. The omniscient narrator articulates his thoughts and feelings in a way that a first person POV would have probably fallen flat.
I think you captured the exciting and awkward...thing they have between them very well. Strong characterization helped with that. And it was written gorgeously. I love this line at the end: "It doesn't last long, but it never has and it doesn't need to, and soon, two broken cries, muted by the palm of Derik's hand and the skin of Quan's shoulder respectively, mark the end of something that flirts with madness, and the start of something immeasurably softer, like the whisper of wind through an empty stadium, or the release of a long-held sigh."
Great job with this. I'm definitely off to read more!
| heyitsstupidme chapter 1 . 1/6/2013
I like that you wrote more than one one shot about them and I'll read the ones I haven't read yet now. I really like your writing style. It's like the readers are visiting Derik's mind.
| Annything chapter 1 . 12/23/2012
EF style review right he-ah:
1) I liked it because it was slash.
2) I loved it because it was yaoi.
Oh, and I also liked how you did that whole "Nuuu, go faster D':" thing. :D Teehee.
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/8/2012
the last paragraph the most.
| moon-skittles chapter 1 . 11/22/2012
That was very enjoyable. :3 The scenes are written very sensually. Good job building the characters, too. I like that for once in a slash fic both guys can take care of themselves. It's rather refreshing; both of your characters are BOYS and act like it.
I particularly enjoyed the line about getting a dumber linebacker. :p You made me giggle there.
I will have to make my way through your other fics of these too - you left me wanting more!