|Reviews for Callum: Bittersweet: June 2005|
| all the lonely people chapter 1 . 11/13/2011
i really like it. it has good depth and description, and the characters are described in a very clear manner, making it easier for people to conjour up a mental image of how they would maybe look.
i think the cafe scene with callum and melia was very sweet, light and romantic. the funeral scene was very well written and played out, and the way callum comforted her was very easy to picture.
i would really like to see a companion piece, for maybe 4-6 years down the line of melia and callum's relationship, just to see how it maybe worked out.
therefore, it was a great story, obviously very well thought-out, and i would recommend it to anyone. :)
| Dr. Self Destruct chapter 1 . 11/12/2011
I like your descriptions in this story, because I think you give just enough information to help the reader picture the scene without it dragging or feeling too purple. It seems like everything you focus on has a purpose in the story, and I especially enjoyed the detail you paid to people's eyes - I personally think eye color is a very important detail.
I thought the lunch with Callum was very sweet. He seems like a nice guy, and I like how he's there for her throughout the funeral and the ceremony.
At times I thought the dialogue was a bit stiff and unnatural. Let me see if I can find an example...
["That was a beautiful speech," she said with a lovely low voice and met her eyes.
"Thank you for saying so."]
Honestly, I picture someone just saying "Thank you." to this type of compliment. "Thank you for saying so." sounds a little stiff, but it could just be me. I noticed a couple other instances similar to this one.
I'll admit, this isn't really the genre I often read, so it did feel a bit slow and dry to me, but that's all personal preference. I'm not a huge fan of angst, but I think you did a nice job with what you have. I was able to picture everything well enough, and the spelling/grammar was well done. However, I would have liked to of seen a little more variation in sentence structure, because as it is now, it does become a bit monotonous, but nothing a little polish won't fix.