Reviews for Top of the List
Ignis Verba chapter 1 . 11/12/2011
Your first chapter is extremely short, but I'll try to give you a balanced review despite that.

I like the amount of detail you put in the story, I feel like it's easy to see the story as it unfolds. However, some of the details were too much show, and not enough tell, especially at the end of the chapter.

I feel like you missed an opportunity to really expand on the character's background when she's sitting on the plan. We only really get a summary of why she's on the plan, not where she's coming from, what she's missing back home, who she's looking forward to seeing, etc. There are a lot of things she could be thinking about and you could expand upon with this chapter that never was really touched upon.

Finally, your chapter is way too short. If you really want to get readers interested, you need to have a longer chapter that really sets up at least the setting of the story, if not some kind of conflict for the main character. For example, your narrator could've gone home only to find her father has found a new fiancee she doesn't know about or maybe she meets the love interest in passing. Something that will catch the readers interest and keep it for the duration of the story. In this particular chapter, you focused the most on the character's hair, which believe it or not isn't the strongest conflict (nor the best way to end a chapter, a cliffhanger would've had more readers for sure).

Well, that's all for now. Good luck with your writing and story, I think your writing has much potential to be discovered.

Ignis Verba