|Reviews for Son of the King|
| LadyM08 chapter 2 . 1/16/2012
I love this story! please continue!
| 017Bluefield chapter 2 . 12/11/2011
It's a bit unclear who's speaking, and it needs some editing here and there, but I still wanna know what's gonna happen next.
| 017Bluefield chapter 1 . 11/16/2011
A bit long, but the characters are established. Now, for the conflict.
| Hannah D chapter 1 . 11/14/2011
First, to the first chick that reviewed: Wow, I thought FictionPress reviews were umm... to say they liked/disliked or give ummm what's it called (sarcasim)? CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. Pointing out grammer/spelling mistakes is okay, but don't make it your whole review. It is, after all a rough draft. I doubt there is one person on here that is 100% perfect. .
Abbi: OMG I loved this! :D It's SO well-written :) Can't wait to read more... speaking of... Ummmm I'm still waiting on Dimples... ;P jk take your time :D
| Wendy Thompson135th chapter 1 . 11/12/2011
1) "Yes ma'am." I replied quietly. "Maiden! Come here, girl." he ordered. "Now, girl." he said angrily "fetch us someone to send us some wine. ~~What was said and who said it make ONE complete sentence. Do NOT use a period in the what was said part immediately before the closing quotation marks: "Yes, ma'am," I replied quietly. "Maiden! Come here, girl," he ordered. Here there should also be a comma after the who said it part and immediately BEFORE the OPENING quotation marks of the second dialogue part: "Now, girl," he said angrily, "fetch us someone to send us some wine." ((Also, why is he ordering her to send someone who will go fetch wine? It's a more reasonable request to have Thea tell someone to BRING him wine. Why the extra step?)
2) "He takes such good care of my beloved steed. You will do fine as my daughter's maiden, I am sure of it. You come from good, hardworking kin. Of course, Thymene, will help guide you until you are of age to have complete care of my daughter." ~~Direct address, as an interjection is set off with commas, but a reference to someone is not: Of course, Thymene will help guide you until you are of age to have complete care of my daughter OR Of course, Thymene, you will help guide HER until SHE is of age to have complete care of my daughter.
3) "Well, Thea, my most humble apologies." he smiled at me, his face turning from handsome to kind. ~~Is he ugly when he's kind? This is the first time we hear the heroine's name. That's a long time to have her go nameless. ~~And, of course, there should be comma after 'apologies'.