|Reviews for See Her Through Salt Water|
| TheNonyMouse chapter 1 . 11/12
I like a lot of the imagery in this poem. It's very vivid and bleak. However, I think the theme was a little bit unclear. It almost makes me think of a grim Little Mermaid, except that she wouldn't find human flesh familiar. I think if the poem was a bit longer, with a few more concrete images of the characters, it would be a stronger poem.
| dokidokipanic chapter 1 . 8/11/2012
last 3 lines are pretty fu ckin amazing,overal good job mate
| Kat Annie chapter 1 . 8/4/2012
How is it that everything you write is so beautiful?
"and he drowns her.
Like cigarette smoke
he fills her lungs."
You make me want to find love.
| the-lovely-anomaly chapter 1 . 6/17/2012
"...he's become her / dirty little habit." Ooh, scandalous! XD
I love the "lids soaked in salt water" bit, as well as the "Like cigarette smoke / he fills her lungs" bit - they really bring out the "water" theme you've got going on.
A very interesting concept and poem. Well done!
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 11/19/2011
I really like this; I'm not great with reviewing poetry so sorry if the review is lacking, but I just want to say that I really like the use of imagery you have here. It works really well and builds up a great picture. I especially like the
(Like cigarette smoke
he fills her lungs)
lines, and the stanza after that. Really, really good stuff!
| sophiesix chapter 1 . 11/16/2011
mmm, watery! how i love you so. ok, but from the begining.
teh begining, it starts almost plainly. not plainly as in ugly, or bare, but style-wise, sort of... almost like a story. i think it's teh adverb that makes me think that, it makes me think ah, chic lit ;) and i wonder where you are going with this.
"dirty little habit." this one has me torn. i didn't like it teh first time i read it, because it seems such a worn phrase. but then, in teh context, that's quite appropriate, isn't it? it does have interest concept-wise too, that pique of illicitness and urban desire. so you've brought me round, i think.
2nd stanza; oh see this is lovely. is it more lovely because teh first one describes, through its style etc, a plain, ordinary world. probably. You clever.
love that image of something seen trhough water: a figure seen from beneath teh surface, or underwater, like a summer hols image: really tugged at the nostalgia in teh nicest way. it wasn't til much later i realised seh might be crying.
3rd and 4th stanza. love both teh concept of drowning in smoke, and the one of him being air/fire and thus a terrible match for her lovely wateryness - such an aching concept!
5th and 6th stanza - oh nice, a return to both the wateriness and teh familiar. such a beautiful sad ending, inevitable and yet resonating, perfect... sad.. yup. le sigh. this was beautiful Liana!
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 11/15/2011
YAAAAAAAY a new poem a new poem a new writing omg omg omg *jumps up and down excitedly* This is so exciting. Okay. Serious poet face on, NOW.
I like the structure that you set up as having three lines per each stanza. Even though this is a free verse poem, it just broke everything up rather nicely and I also think it helps wit the rhythm of how this would be read aloud-there's a pattern of pauses and that's a really good thing. I wish I could hear you read it!
I like using the third person too, and using the characters of "she" and "he", I don't know why but I'm always a fan of that when it comes to poetry. I think it's because seeing it done in poetry doesn't happen very often-or it doesn't happen enough, anyway. Oh, right, and on the subject of pauses, I like the enjambments you use for sentences like "breathes through gills / and he drowns her.", it just works well and visually I love how it looks too.
There weren't any bigger allusions here that I could catch which made it something very real and relatable for me, I like how down-to-earth the content is and I love the richness of some of the words, like "salt water", "gills", "lungs", "flesh". If I'm not mistaken you have a theme with "lungs" in your poetry-it's been such a long time but for some reason when I think back on others the word lung, or at least, the concept and act of breathing or smoking a cigarette, etc. seems to be a common trope.
The visuals pertaining to the theme of water and the sea are also carried over in excellent fashion. I really like that this is also a lot different from your other works because for one, it's a lot shorter, and two, I think you play with some poetic elements in the brevity that I haven't seen in awhile. This is as it's labeled, this romantic tragedy, and I think you keep it unique with the sense of body and the sense of sinking or drowning-it gets violent in times that way, especially "He blazes, burns her up", but I like it that way.
The ending leaves me feeling sad but also curious-I know things might not work out for "She" but the way it's related, this idea of washing away-it's kind of familiar too, or relatable. I don't know. Babble babble. Anyway! I really liked this Chanelle and I'm really excited to see an update :3
I demand more! 8D