Reviews for Shores of a Million Worlds
Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 1 . 12/29/2014
Oh man. I don't even remember how many reviews I owe you - two, three? Juggle my memory :3 The reason why it took so long was school, work, and trying to write in the meantime, but also because I don't want to leave you bad reviews. I don't like that. Your work is full of detail, and deserves more than some random 'oh yes, this nice' comments. Bullet points, then :D

*I really like the opening for this, especially with the cogs. It's so very vivid and powerful, that it just grabs your attention, and makes you want to continue reading. I like that your writing style is so easy to get into, and yet intricate: you really have a talent for wording things in a special manner. It's a talent, and I'm really enjoying it :3

*I find Ed's talents/gift interesting: how he cannot avoid it, and how he seems to not really be coping with it so well. But again, overall, I love how you described his gifts, and how it changes his perception of the world.

*The bit with the stars is especially beautiful: we always see stars as something very special, and the fact that they can show things that have to become a reality is quite imposing, threatening, but I also find that it makes sense, in a way? Who else would foretell the future but the stars?

*I find this alliance/meeting of people quite interesting. It's probably going to prove epic to see how their powers will combine :3 I especially like how you describe all their quirks and little habits.

...I'm sorry I actually have nothing else that's smart to say. It's an interesting beginning :3?
This Guy Again chapter 2 . 12/1/2014
[A scratched slat reading "A106" marked as his a wooden door at the end...] So this sentence seemed to me like a bit of a hiccup. I'm not 100% sure about whether it's grammatically 'right' or 'wrong', but in either case, it stopped me as I was reading. I can't help but feel like the "as his" is out of place.

Barring that small example, try as I might, I didn't manage to spot anything else that was an issue regarding spelling/grammar. I guess you're pretty consistent for that, which is good because it means reading your stuff is always a pleasure and never a chore.

I really enjoyed this chapter, once again. When I read chapter one I felt like I was going to like this story, and chapter two didn't disappoint me either. The atmosphere is great. I love the idea that somebody with a gift like Summoning would use it to make some quick cash. It's just so typically human, it goes a long way to lend credibility to the story and makes it easy to believe the world.

Once again, your imagery throughout was brilliant, I particularly liked the description of the summoning, you really did a good job at conveying the surreal event. The plot and pacing was also pretty spot on in this chapter, and I love the idea of these Paladins. Shadowy religious fanatics are always an exciting ingredient for a great story!

Anyway, another great chapter! Pretty excited to read more :)
This Guy Again chapter 1 . 11/22/2014
[Those who refused to be its pawns were almost always met by a nebulous force of bad lack that eventually master them.] I guess 'bad lack' here is supposed to be 'bad luck'?

So straight away I felt like I liked this. I think your opening lines were quite a good hook for me with it's curious twist and strong imagery. The imagery was something that stayed strong throughout, you did a really good job at making the setting come to life in my head. Although I'm a little unsure as to what time period this story is set in. From your choice of words and the descriptions of the town I immediately jumped to kind of early 1900s time, but the idea of Alphonse looking a century out of place kind of threw me on that one.

Aside from the one sentence I highlighted, I didn't spot any errors with spelling/grammar, which goes a long way to making this a pleasant read. There were a few sections where I feared that it could get confusing and the descriptions might get hazy, however you managed to avoid all that and kept it clear what was going on throughout, so again, it made for this chapter being a good read.

Pace and plot wise, this first chapter was pretty spot on. You gave us everything we need really. The heroes have their quest without spoiling too much detail, and you ended the chapter in a suitable place. I like the idea that something is writing messages in the stars. I'm not certain I've ever seen that in a story before, so that's something good.

Overall, a really good chapter. Nice easy read, and everything was just, well, good! Oh, and sorry again for the late return here!

-from the roadhouse
LiVEWiRE360 chapter 1 . 11/8/2014
I like your style of writing, although the story isnt my type, it was pretty good. I like the names too. You painted a good vision for me through your writing. So, it was pretty good, keep up the good work ;)
WaterBudget chapter 1 . 5/15/2014
I see stories with main characters with powers all the time, but the way you described Ed's sixth sense is unique. Cogs and wheels indeed.

At first, I was a bit daunted by the density of your writing, but by the end, it I got into the flow of it. It has a quiet, thoughtful quality to it that is so very different from my fluffy writing. XD

While I am curious about why the stars would take interest in the person named Rory, I can't say I have any particular attachment to any of the characters yet. Of course, it takes time to get to know a cast of this size.

"Possibly won't be continued" eh? Still, it was a lovely read.
ghostmirage chapter 2 . 9/4/2012
Somehow I can't help but find a connection between the names Ed, Alphonse and Rory. Fullmetal Alchemist, perhaps? I like this - I went into a rage when I got to the end of the chapter and found that there are no more. Keep up the good work!
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 2 . 3/14/2012
I really like the descriptions you use throughout this. In some parts, it feels like it could have got potentially confusing but you manage to keep it clear and concise, creating really vivid imagery for the reader regarding the processes of this world and the different characters inhabiting it. Characterisation works brilliantly, too, really effective use of showing, rather than telling, in the way they speak and act. We get a clear view of what they're like. ["Yeah," she said. "I guess there's no reason to hurry back to the pit."

Coal nodded.] I feel...almost like it's a bit of a weak ending. Maybe even (Coal just nodded.) could have a slightly stronger impact? Anyway, really, really interesting story and characters and I really hope to see more.
this wild abyss chapter 1 . 2/26/2012
First off, I love love love your style. You've got an excellent knack with lyrical prose here; it's especially evident in the first half of the chapter. Excellent, fantastic imagery throughout. Your word choice is so descriptive and works for the darker theme of the setting/situation.

The aura of this piece is great, too. There's a definite emotional sub-text that comes across while reading this.

On a technical note: I feel like a bit more exposition would have been good here. As it stands, this is a fairly short opening hook. Maybe a bit more character background? The stuff about the cogs in the beginning could also do with a broader examination.
DutchAver chapter 2 . 2/12/2012
Hurray for you deciding to continue on this story anyway!

I actually like Rory in this story (Rory is a very familiar name for me, by the way... ever watched Doctor Who?) because he tries to do the right thing. Only it didn't work out as well and he's not a very clever guy, I think.

As far as I can tell, everything in this world is different - I think there's simply no border between the natural and the supernatural here. I think I should warn you - such kinds of stories tend to become complicated and hard to wrap your head around. Watch out for that.

I should add that I like how you portrayed the angel: as not particularly likeable. There's no certain border between good and evil here and I like that.

Will Ed's favourite stuffed bear you mentioned return, by the way? Does it play a role in some kind?

Keep it up :)

(Can you review the fifth chapter of I Never in return for me? Thanks)
retouch seduction chapter 1 . 2/5/2012
i honestly think that this is a great story, and would be brilliant as the prologue to a multichaptered story.. *hints*

anyway, i like the way you have portayed ed wolf, it's simple and well flowen but he is a clearly developed character.

it's a little bit confusing at times, but it did have me out in goosebumps.

i would suggest getting this published, it's a great piece of work and you should be proud.
our sick story chapter 1 . 1/27/2012
I really enjoyed reading this.

I can't explain why I did, but I just did. The way you wrote Ed mae me wish I knew him in real life. He's a very well-thought out, well written character.

The sheer drama and adventure of this story made me REALLY want to read a sequel.

I love the ending line "Enough to keep him uncomfortable enough to spend the entire night awake staring at the ceiling and the shapes it held".

Thank you for writing such an amazing story :)

Ebony. (L)
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 1/25/2012
I would love to see this continue. It's a really interesting start, and I think you do an excellent job of really drawing the reader into this world without giving too much away. The characters seem very interesting, and their dialogue works well - it feels natural but, at the same time, effectively gives key points to the reader. Descriptions work well, too, and I think you have a good balence between description/dialogue. Overall, really good stuff and it would be a shame not to see more of this.
DutchAver chapter 1 . 1/24/2012
The 'gears' and the 'cogs' are metaphors for Ed Wolf's ability to look into the future? Well done, though it took me some time to understand that. Perhaps you should expand on that.

From what I can understand from your chapter, Ed has seen something terrible will occur in the stars, and now, his magic friends are uniting to prevent said terrible thing? Interesting.

It's a shame Coal's the only one with parents who actually care about him :( I guess that's because they all have special abilites, and their parents find that scary.

I discovered one mistake:

'"Sorry, we can't really just up and leave,' You mean just GO up and leave?

Hope this review was helpful!

(Can you please review the second chapter of I Never for me in return? Thanks in advance!)
jj1027 chapter 1 . 1/9/2012
Your page says you return reviews. You reviewed my work without my reviewing yours, so I will return one for you this time.

This story is very good, if not a bit too wordy for my taste. The real strength of this piece was imagery. I could really feel the chill of winter, see ed looking to the stars and snow whipped around him.

It might be the names, or it might be the way things just feel, but this piece reminds me of Full metal alchemist. Seeing as that is one of my favorite fictional works of all time, That is a very good thing. I hope you continue this.