|Reviews for The Witch and the Commander
| kissingyoubetter chapter 1 . 6/19/2012
Oh goodness! I love this story so much! Where again can I buy it? Smashwords? *goes check it* I want to buy it! Is it finished yet? 8D
Oh wait, dammit. How much would the shipping cost me by the way? I'm all the way at Asia pacific. :(
| Abby chapter 1 . 5/19/2012
I like the name. (:
| Neophrite chapter 2 . 5/7/2012
First of all, I'd like to apologize - I've probably given you a million hits in the past few days, ever since I discovered this story and couldn't stop reading :)
As this is the only story of yours I've read so far, I know I may be speaking too soon (probably not!), but I really enjoy your writing style. It feels very conversational, rather than trying to be dramatic. Your true voice comes across and I really enjoy your wit. I like that not only was this a story about two people time travelling, but also about acceptance, and finding your true self. Many of the stories I check out on this site are so plot driven that the character development gets lost, but in this one I could see the arch of the main characters - and it didn't seem forced. I will humbly admit that this is something I struggle with, and I commend you.
Because I feel like I should toss at least something constructive in this review, I will say that the ending felt a little rushed to me. I don't mind that it was open-ended and left me with questions (though I just wish I knew if the Prince made it back!) I just mean that the pacing seemed to speed up a lot in the last few paragraph sections, as they finally kissed and she fixed the bracelets and then suddenly they were back in their own time and then Mrs Crowthy was there…. It just seemed rushed to me. Maybe that’s because I was so excited that I was reading so fast, so I could be wrong, but I wish there had been more…
That being said, I really truly enjoyed reading this story, and I look forward to exploring the rest of your work. You’ll be hearing from me again soon!
| Kenna-Kat11 chapter 1 . 5/4/2012
I really liked this! The characters, the back-setting, everything was extremely well-developed. I was immediately drawn into the story. And you're a great writer which made it that much better. I can't wait to read more!
| pulotpukyutan chapter 1 . 1/2/2012
hi! i'm a bad reviewer so i wouldn't dare do it. but just so you know, i really enjoyed reading this. and i think you're extremely talented writer. you should be published. pls keep up the amazing work.
| Luna chapter 20 . 12/30/2011
A beautiful little story, hidden among the masses of the half-hearted, lusty, and more dramatic works hosted on this site.
With interesting and realistic characters, a fair amount of humor, and a writing style that is as pleasant as it is witty, this is simply a wonderful work and I for one am most interested in reading more of your own.
Greatly recommended story for any fantasy or magic lover with a youthful heart.
Have you considered trying to get this published as a teen or children's novel? I think it would do quite well under the right publisher, and none of that e-book nonsense, while it's convenient and cost-reducing, there is nothing greater than the pleasure of holding a book in your hands and reading the tale, especially for younger audiences.
| jammi chapter 9 . 12/1/2011
I sent the final review before checking to see if there was another chapter. I forgot that this was one of the stories where you left your endings wide open, lol.
I think if you do get around to fixing up some of the spelling/grammar another chapter just showing us what happened once they leave the jail cell.
Is his dad his dad or is he still a Hunter? Is his mother the quiet woman he remembers or is she an older version of the young Lilly? Does everyone know Abby is a witch? Does she still love in the Slums?
and side note, the Turn Abouts are really interesting to me for some reason because it's like they don't exist. They're not Bridgestockians [haha] or Elogians or whatever. They're just Turn Abouts. And the minute you hear that name you should expect bad things.
| jammi chapter 20 . 12/1/2011
You know what, I think I am mixing up bits of this story with another because I would SWEAR that they tried to steal the hands off of a clock in the palace, but I remember the scene where they got grabbed. I think that's why I felt remembered worry, because in that story they thought the key of time were in the hands of a clock that dictated the actions of the whole city but they got caught and it was a very tense moment about how it all might end.
Don't know why I would think it was this story though, I'm usually really good about remembering plots, lol.
I like that she is considered a real witch once she starts making active choices and isn't just sitting around being passive. I feel like if the Abby from now was to meet the Crone of Bridgestock she'd accept her advice but she wouldn't let it rule her.
| jammi chapter 19 . 12/1/2011
hahah, that was the cutest proposal and I love how she's blushing over binding them together with her hair as if when they get married they won't be closer than that ;)
I like that even though everything she was doing was tying them together and she acknowledged that it never occurred to her that a kiss might fix everything and make them 'official'.
| jammi chapter 18 . 12/1/2011
For some reason I remember the end of this story leaving me the most tense, not this chapter and I don't know why, but when I started rereading I was like 'this is the story where the outcome gets really gloomy for a bit' and now I have no idea why I thought that, lmao.
Maybe because this time we have experienced the price of her failure in the future so when she gets captured (?) I felt it more keenly (?) hahaha, I don't even know what my feelings mean myself, haha.
Or, and this is most likely the more realistic answer, you ended on a cliff hanger and then didn't post the next chapter for a few days so I was left hanging wondering what would happen and blew it out of proportion in my mind, lol.
And I didn't even review this chapter, but I thought I should mention it. I mean, I haven't read this in years and yet I have this anticipation for what's going to happen and a dread but I know it ends well, and yet it's still like 'they almost fail!' hahah.
I am curious as to why the witches made a point about them being at the ball for Midnight when nothing happened.
And I will say it's all well and good to be a good and kind prince but are you really worth anything if you are willing to sit around and wait to be assassinated? Even if you fight against the Colonel you might have enough resistance to make the future a better place and the Colonel's power not as absolute.
| jammi chapter 16 . 12/1/2011
['Siding with him? Me not being surprised that he's planning some extra curricular murder is not equivalent to me handing him the sword Abby. ]
LMAO at extra-curricular murder.
And I love how talking about murder and talking about something more amorous has the same awkward overtones, hahaha.
Martha is adorable.
| jammi chapter 14 . 11/30/2011
You know what I miss? I miss seeing the story from the male POV. Or dueling POV. You do it so well with this story and Gladys [I can be honest, you do it better with this one as the POV switches are more evenly distributed and the emotion is clearer] and I like seeing the little things the guys do that show that they're seeing the girl in a different light but they don't see it.
It's so cute. And you know what Charlie's chapter reminded me of? one of the books in the Wee Free Men series by Terry Pratchett. I want to say it was the second book... basically it's at the end where we've seen Tiffany go on about how she's a witch and the main boy is so ridiculous and he's always showing up where she is blahblah, only for the Feegles [little blue men] to talk about how *she's* the one waiting for him for hours at a crossroad only to turn up her nose and storm the other way when he shows up, lmao. This is the same sort of look at the main character through the eyes of another that highlights what they're saying but shows how someone else sees it.
The fact that in her mind she's so worldy and mature and beyond the foolishness of boys only to see through someone else's eyes that she's not as put together as she sees herself. it really plays with the whole unreliable narrator idea since both she and Pembrake have their own view of the world and how they appear to others and then the ending sentence for the previous chapter shows that Charlie is just as flawed regardless of what he thinks.
But back to this chapter, lol.
[He needed to see Abby to discuss the next step in their quest to return home, that's why he was dressing so quickly and clumsily, why he'd missed the same button hole three times... ]
I love how hard he's finding an excuse as to why he wants to see Abby.
He can call her naive all he wants but clearly, he's not as worldly as he thinks, at least not about certain emotions. Then again, just like Abby he probably has never had a chance to experience love love.
[The way she cocked her head up slightly as he approached and let her smile spread all the way to her arched eyebrows. The way she rolled her eyes when Pemrbake almost ran into a couple crossing before him. The way her nose crinkled when he rolled his eyes in turn. The way she laughed into her hand while patting one hand to her stomach as if she were worried all her good humour would escape. The way she looked up so expectantly when he finally reached her, the way those storm grey eyes reminded him of the sea…]
I love how he lists all the things he notices, finds entrancing but he never tells us why he's noticing those things.
I think one of my 'complaints' when it was first published was that I wished they had spent more time together so you could see and understand why they fell for each other since before this all they really did was fight but even without those scenes it's still really cute moments and I like them together, especially since they have changed but it's not a total 360 to the point that they're different people.
| jammi chapter 10 . 11/29/2011
What was it Ms. Crowthy said? Love was never meant to be geometric? Although to be fair, nothing ever came out of her flirtations with the Captain.
I do love how it went over her head that the boys were using her as an excuse to one up each other, lol, especially when you consider she wasn't behaving like a 'normal' girl would, lol.
| jammi chapter 8 . 11/29/2011
[Abby replied with a small smile of her own, then turned to her Pembrake and gave him the kind of look that said clearly 'what kind of a person actually names their son after their father?'. Really, it wasn't even if Pembrake was that fantastic a name to bother repeating across a generation.]
AHAHAHAHAH. That bit actually made me laugh out loud, hahaha. I think this might be your funniest story I've read, I mean, all of your stories have great wit running through them (that sounds so lame, lol, sorry, you know what I mean) but this one just has more of them. Well, at least in the beginning, pretty sure things get more serious as the action picks up in later chapters.
[Her Pembrake was oblivious to Abby's pointed look, he seemed to be preoccupied with dying slowly. His whole face was now so slack, it was a wonder his features hadn't slipped off into a puddle on the ground.]
I do wonder if it has ever occurred to her that Ms. Crowthy was young once and maybe the reason she was mistrustful of men might have to do with her own bad experiences and not with her being a witch, lol.
I'm trying to remember if the next chapter is where she saves the Princess. No, Pembrake steals her save again if I remember correctly, lol.
| jammi chapter 7 . 11/29/2011
Well, I guess he didn't mind his future that much, lol.
I do like that he was able to see that Abby's life would've been brutal, when you think that this is the highlight of her life, or would've been, hiding in the slums, petrified of someone calling her a witch while barely able to make ends meet, it's just even worse.
['I mean at least you aren't alone right? At least you get to go out with the man you love. I'm eaten by sharks far, far away from my family, all of whom I probably hadn't seen for years,' Pembrake just wouldn't let up.
For someone who wanted to throw her off a cliff only this morning, he sure had changed his mind about her quickly. Or was this part of the way Pembrake operated? Pull people up when they are down and bash them to the floor again once their up?]
He is just rubbing it in, I mean, he doesn't mean too but still.
And I think this shows the true Pembrake, someone who doesn't just care about what people think but about people. Even though he does go back to being a moody pain quite shortly, lol.
['What are you wearing?' Pembrake didn't look away like a polite gentleman should, but kept on staring.
She was wearing, apart from the blush that was searing her cheeks, a pair of Martha's spare drawers and an alarmingly large singlet.
'You look like you're from the pantomime.' He still hadn't looked away.]
LMAO. He can play the gentleman with everyone but her it seems.
[Many a hopeful farm hand had gone home with a black eye from a mysterious boot flying over the hedge.]
For some reason I've never thought about learning witch craft as going to an all girls school until now, ahaha, with the headmistress double checking that no boy is sneaking in to take advantage of her charges, lol.
Abby is naive, but then again, what life experiences does she have? She was raised by someone who guarded her like a pitbull with the idea that she had a serious job to do in the future while being raised somewhere where witches were adored. Between the culture shock and fear of Bridgestock she hasn't really had a chance to learn anything aside from witchery and even that she can't do as well because everything she knows is still 'textbook' since the people of Bridgestock didn't provide her with an opportunity to grow as a person.
That's one thing I really like about your characters, you give them a background and then you build their character around it in a way that it's believable and fits even if at times you want to be like 'no, Abby! Man with his face is obviously related to him!' lol, but at the same time I can believe why it hasn't occurred to her.