|Reviews for The Open Casket|
| jj1027 chapter 1 . 12/11/2011
Very simple, very sad story. It is honestly more interesting than its length would lead me to believe. You are a very skilled writer, but I must say you could have stood to vary your sentence structure a bit. Maybe not start with I so much. It can be hard in first person perspective, but give it a try.
I really appreciate your reviews, and I look forward to reading more of you.
| Dr. Self Destruct chapter 1 . 12/2/2011
I like how at the end we figure out this story is about the narrator lying in the casket, because that ending caught me by surprise and I wasn't expecting it. I thought you did a good job subtly hinting toward it but not giving it away until the very last paragraph - it left a nice impact on the reader. I really figured it out as soon as she felt the man kissing her lips.
I did think the narrative itself read a bit choppy at certain points, so it was hard for me to get into everything else, especially the sympathetic parts. There were a lot of sentences that began with 'I', so I suggest switching it up a little to make it more interesting, like using introductory clauses more often. Perhaps even linking some of the very short sentences together into longer ones will help the flow as well.