|Reviews for My Best Friends Brother|
| naomi.burhoe chapter 6 . 8/2/2012
still going strong, though you may want to see about changing pricings to piercings. i think thats what u mean
| naomi.burhoe chapter 5 . 8/2/2012
still good, loving the romance
| naomi.burhoe chapter 4 . 8/2/2012
still good, getting even better
| naomi.burhoe chapter 3 . 8/2/2012
still good :)
| naomi.burhoe chapter 2 . 8/2/2012
good chapter here, and i have an idea about Alex and Angie
| naomi.burhoe chapter 1 . 8/2/2012
good chapter, im going on :) tis just my kind of story
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/1/2012
Hey, it's Justin from WDC.
This chapter was actually really well written, I wasn't sure what to expect. You did a good job introducing your characters, not overdoing it yet not leaving them completely bare as people.
I really liked the way that both Alex and Angie thought of each other in similar fashion. It opens up a couple different possibilities for chapters that I hope to read in the future.
The first person approach using 2 different mains is a tough one. You definitely did it well, but without the ***ANGIE*** or ***ALEX*** which at first I almost skipped over, it could get a bit confusing. However, being as I'm the one who almost skipped them over, you've really done a good job there!
Another thing that kind of through me off was calling Jazmine 'the girl' in a couple of different areas. Personally I would have used 'she' instead of 'the girl'. I wouldn't say 'the girl' is wrong, just a little odd from a reader point of view.
Anyways, all in all, I felt like this was well done, look forward to the rest of the story when I get time!
| White-tailed Swift chapter 1 . 8/1/2012
Hey, it's me! You asked for some feedback to this story, so here it is!
I like the book so far- I always like books that revolve around music.
There are a few things that caught my eye, punctuational wise. There are some combined sentences that don't nessecarily need to be combined, and others that need commas where you can tell that there's a pause. Sentence fragments aren't nessecarily a problem, since your story is in first person, but you should review those just in case, as well.
Another thing that I wanted to point out- and don't worry, I had a lot of trouble with this, too- is that you have a lot of action going on, and dialogue. The only thing that's missing is what Angie is thinking. You have the italics, I see, but I think that you can add a little more in between what she's doing and the details that you point out.
For example, when she's walking to her dressing room after singing the song in the beginning of this chapter. There's a lot of action and motion happening in that single paragraph, so to even it out you an add little of snippets of what she's thinking, or how she's doing the things that she's doing. For first person, the italics don't have to necessarily be used, but they are easier to track what she's thinking.
Besides that, I think the story is really good. I like how Angie and Alex meet, even though the part when they break the CD in half was a little quick to follow. Keep the good work up! I'll being moving on to chapter 2!
| thetiredchild chapter 9 . 7/31/2012
OMG... What on earth did Blake do? Update!
| anonymousvoice chapter 8 . 7/29/2012
this story is really good and i shall be keeping an eye on it..I want jaz to end up with blake tho not justin..but honestly idk my true opinion of him yet..dont know that much about him...ALTHOUGH i do know that angie and alex should just get together already..ughh lol update soon please ]
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/27/2012
This is really nice and captivating. Very detailed descriptions making it very easy for readers to follow the story as if it were a movie.
| BrownChildt chapter 8 . 7/27/2012
first time giving a review here. Wasn't sure if i was to give a review for each chapter. I like the song at the end. The contents of the story feels young. Like a chapter book for teens.. A story my teen daughter may enjoy. I enjoyed the story.
| thetiredchild chapter 8 . 7/27/2012
This is cute, update!
| SimranVim chapter 8 . 7/27/2012
I love this story!
| akiraloves chapter 1 . 7/26/2012
ha xD i cracked up at the McDonald's joke. i really love how they met too :D my kind of story :)