|Reviews for Ruined Retribution|
| SerialXLain chapter 1 . 12/1/2011
I thought the letter from his dad was kind of sad – mostly because he signed it with his full name instead of… just… “dad.” Just that signature shows how their relationship is poop.
I liked the end of the chapter, how you turned the chapter into a conversation with the taxi driver. The bits of humor like having his hair conditioned especially well to meet Rai was a nice touch too.
The only more “critical” things I have to say are that the background information with the parents felt a little long at times. If you plan on going back to revise, maybe pick some things to cut out or just condense. And the other thing was just that it surprised me that Kami didn’t know what Rai was doing in bed. It seems like something he’d know about, especially after walking in on Deborah fucking some dude. Y’know?
Anyhewt, looking forward to reading more. :)
| Zephyr Tenshi chapter 1 . 11/29/2011
Oh darlin, loved it! You still have such a way with words and the emotions are raw, not contrived or forced. I giggled quite loudly at the 420chan remark in the author's note. And as far as the scene that you're talking about that felt strange, it reminded me of a scene from the movie "A Home at the End of the World" from when the two main characters were teens.
You have a gift, and I can't wait to read more.