|Reviews for A Wonderful Day for Ice Cream|
| Random Storygirl chapter 1 . 8/31/2013
Hey! Remember me from ? Probably not. It's been over a year. And I promised to review your stories and then I never did.
Yeah, real sorry about that. I blame schoolwork. And Tumblr. You can always blame Tumblr.
Anyway, I saw the link to this on your other account and decided to see what you can write outside of the iCarly universe. I was not disappointed...not that I ever thought I would be.
Your plot is original. Your characters are thoroughly described and intriguing. The setting is clear. You know just how to build suspense. And now I know what preponderance means. How lovely it is when learning and entertainment intertwine.
People like you could be writing professionally if they wanted to. If you ever actually sell your work one day, please tell me. I would buy it. A lot of people would. Hell, if you changed the names in your fanfiction you could legit publish it. It worked with Fifty Shades of Grey and that thing was a load of crap. And it was still a bestseller. Imagine how well your prose could do. I mean, writing is never about the money, but I feel like people need to know more about "undiscovered" authors online because they can be just as good, or in your case, better than a lot of authors who have actually been published.
Sorry for that long spiel. I just get angry when people don't receive the recognition they deserve.
(alsointhelinewhereyousaykillingsomeonewhoisasyoua resotoquickpointoutaminorisunusualformeithinkyoume antooandnottoandihatetoendwithagrammarcorrectionso i'mterriblysorryyoucanjustforgetisaidthisandfocuso ntheotherthingsisaidokay?)
| The-Wandering-Storyteller chapter 1 . 8/14/2012
Brilliant! I have no other word for this! Your story flowed flawlessly and you create such fine dialogue! I hope to see more of your work!
| Moviepal chapter 1 . 5/27/2012
I have a vision of Joe Don Baker in his prime as Noth. I can hear the beer and whiskey growling in his voice as he does what he does, the emotion and feelings long since numbed or dead inside. I love the ice cream touch, it gives him a still human touch.
| TheWrtrInMe chapter 1 . 2/14/2012
I am, of course, not suprised that this is amazing. You have such a clearly defined voice or Noth and since I'm a little familiar with your work I appreciate it more - the ability to create unique voice dependent on the character. Most writers create characters that eventually all sound like them (a fault of mine I must say), but here were get such a clear picture of Gordon. I can almost hear his inflections and the slight gravely quality to his tone (not sure if you intended that, but it's what I heard).
I also love that we don't really get to see the 'kill shot', makes it all the more ominous.
| Urias chapter 1 . 12/9/2011
I have some old Ellery Queen magazines I bought in a used books shop many years ago. This story kind of reminded me of those. One in particular in which a killer talks to his victim before killing him (and,before killing him, accepts a contract to kill the man who hired him).
Gordon Noth seems to be a good character. The amoral and cold killer, like Patricia Highsmiths Ripley, or Frederick Forsyths Jackal. He is in good company :)
This stands on its own as a one shot, as a way of presenting the character, you may continue with him in another story, but it stands on its own.
Keep writing, we keep reading.
| Ric Pike chapter 1 . 12/6/2011
I hope this isn't over. It features the cliche "badass that never breaks a sweat," but it's very well written. In this case, since there is practically no opposition or outside forces to hinder him, his cool demeanor works. The reader comes to sympathize with Gordon and the job he has to do, and the boy's arrogance creates an interesting juxtaposition between the naivety of youth and the harshness of reality.
The first several paragraphs were tiresome to wade through, and I feel they did not do very much for the story. Maybe we were kept in suspense as to the purpose of the visit for too long? When I go back and read it, I have no idea what could be fixed or why I had to reread the sentences in my head.
Overall, this is a great story and you are an excellent writer. Once again, I hope this continues.
| afanoffanfic chapter 1 . 12/2/2011
Not a vigilante - something of a mercenary, I guess, but he's got a weak spot. Am I looking at parental issues again or something else? He's off his game taking the time to engage the target the way he did. He doesn't appear to be COMPLETELY lacking a conscience, so my guess at this early stage is that the story is about finding out where Gordon draws the line, and the consequences of that (in)action. Did he in fact complete this assignment or were we just meant to make that assumption?
| J112011 chapter 1 . 12/1/2011
Nice beginning. By "nice," I mean "interesting," of course, not "pleasant."
I've got lots of questions:
I'm curious who these guys are. Why did "something heavy lug" in Noth's chest when he looked at Tyler's pictures?
Why was Noth wearing an Armani jacket, a silk tie, and an expensive watch? He's obviously a hit man, albeit quite intelligent judging from the way he talks.
Who hired him to kill Tyler?
What kinds of things has Tyler been doing? How did he "attack" people using his computer?
Also, is it important overall that Tyler's father left when Tyler was a baby? Is it important to Noth? (it seems to be)
I like how you showed what they look like in bits and pieces here and there instead of giving a full description all at once and I like the little details like "Noth couldn't tell if it was dirty laundry or an unfolded clean collection." or "Noth clutched the words into a bunch" and so on.
The only thing that threw me off is the jump to Noth sitting on a bench outside watching the birds. I'm assuming he shot Tyler and it's okay that you haven't shown this, but I'd expect some sort of transition here or a double-break (although you might have put in a double-break here and FP deleted it, who knows).
Anyway, I'm wondering what will happen next, since you don't really explain much in the description. I guess I have to wait till you post the next chapter.