Reviews for John Drakehard
Drifting Ballad chapter 4 . 3/10/2012
Ooh, and the plot thickens ever more. Your descriptions are still spot on, and if you threw in some more specific vocab (for example, in the second sentence instead of, "He wasn't happy," you could use, "He was livid," or come up with some other creative phrase) that would be great! This new character is very interesting, and I'm certainly looking forward to the interaction between the groups. Again, well done :)
Drifting Ballad chapter 3 . 2/15/2012
This was fantastic! You did so many things right with this chapter :) I'm impressed with the way you solved the scene change problem; it was clever. Also, the character interactions are wonderful, and your descriptions are witty and clear (not to mention more variation!). As a particular note, Jessica is freaking awesome. The past between her and John, and the other characters, would be great to know about, but I'm sure whatever you dream up will be exactly what the story needs. Way to go!
Drifting Ballad chapter 2 . 2/8/2012
I'm so glad that this chapter has been written! Your descriptions are still really awesome and the story sounds like it's going to progress wonderfully. Now, the word choice in the beginning caught my attention because of the use of the word "very," which occured redundantly. So don't be afraid to play with the diction! Also, when you separate scenes with something like an extra few spaces or an asterisk, the sort is easier to follow. All in all, nicely done, and keep it up :)
Drifting Ballad chapter 1 . 12/2/2011
I can tell that this could get very, very interesting :) The scenes are are really intriguing, and I already feel acquainted with the main character though the story has hardly begun. Mr. Drakehard is certainly interesting, and I hope to hear about his past and motivations as the tale continues. As a quick word of advice, I suggest that you make sure it's more easy to understand where the scene changes. For instance, the moment after the cops arrive and John starts shouting; it was slightly disorienting since it broke off so suddenly. Also, the fight scene got a touch confusing when you began refering to Drakehard's enemies, so play up the word choice when it comes to description a bit more. Anyway though, can't wait to hear what happens next! :)
E.T.Novem chapter 1 . 12/2/2011
Neatly paced story and really keeps the action going! Love the way you described the protagonist and will definitely look forward to your next chapter.
Writer of the apocolypse chapter 1 . 12/1/2011
Awesome chapter! I cant wait for more.