|Reviews for Mourning Star|
| Dragon made me do it chapter 1 . 12/7/2011
I loved the opening of this story, such an interesting, rich, vital picture you portray. Although you are dealing with supernatural themes, you invest your description with lifelike qualities.
I loved the image of the lioness stepping over the angel, the zebra herd darting away, the heavy bedraggled angel wings.
We can sympathise with Azfiel for being forced to take a dive in life for unjust reasons.
I did feel though that somewhere in the middle it lost some intimacy with the character. Like the focus of the story zoomed out and the narration became distanced from events. The extensive description of the history of this character and world took the reader out of the present a bit. From 'And when he was out Seeking...' to '...speaking Aramaic' and again from 'Azfiel wandered the world...' to 'gift by never using it.' and from 'This was not the first... to ''...back to the world.'- this is interesting, but could be cut down a tad to keep the story flowing. Towards the end though the present narrative picked up again and it got moving nicely.
'An agnostic angel! What a preposterous thought!' - loved that ending! so brilliant, combining humour with narrative and philosophical idea-juggling all in one fell swoop.
Great story, great world you have developed here, unique take in the prompt, nice work.
| YasuRan chapter 1 . 12/7/2011
Very cool take on the prompt. I like the idea of Lucifer as the siren-of-sorts in this piece, luring Azfiel to his eventual fate. Michael's role was well espoused with that of the conflict that occurs.
I liked the ending as well. It's leaves quiet an impression.
| jinx1764 chapter 1 . 12/6/2011
Interesting take the prompt. An agnostic angel indeed, though I'm not quite sure how this fits in with the Kafka quote. I did enjoy how Azfiel quickly figured out that his curse was really a blessing. Good luck in the contest!
| Inkspilled chapter 1 . 12/6/2011
"We'll see! The Universe favors entropy!" I liked this line, because it held some accuracy scientifically and it wasn't a specific counter against what Michael had said. It was sort of like Lucifer's glimmer of hope; entropy.
Now, I think this was well written, but the concept wasn't too original. I liked the end, it was an interesting twist; I'd actually wondered if you would bring us back to the beginning of the story, but it worked well this way. Interesting idea.