|Reviews for Betrothed to Death|
| Anndi chapter 11 . 10/18/2013
Love your story! :) I'd like to know what's going on in Orcus' mind! XD hey, I cant find the pics... :( can you send me a pm with the whole link? Pleeeease! :)
| Julianna chapter 5 . 9/19/2013
Omfg...I'm so glad I've stumbled onto this site and onto your story. Holy geez this is awesome! I love how adorable Orcus is...even if he is a bit of a dolt. It's beautifully written :)
| DreaminOfLove22 chapter 30 . 8/1/2013
Absolutely loved your story. I have to admit I stayed up later than I should have to read it. I was also bawling my eyes out at some parts. I am glad they had a happy ending!
| Traidy chapter 30 . 5/27/2013
I must admit - I did not want to finish this. And I do not say this in the manner of 'this is so good I never want it to end'. Half way through this story, I was a tad bored, the plot was losing me a bit, the timeline was a bit skewed, and I founded myself on facebook and youtube, grudgingly pulling myself back to this tab just to finish the chapter. I am hard pressed to give up on a story when I've invested some hours on it, but there were times when I was close to just exiting out of the tab due to either my dislike on how the story was proceeding, or the inability to over look the timing and facts of certain things, or any other reason I disliked this story.
But I must say, I am glad I finished.
This was one of those stories that, the beginning is enticing, the middle is a tad hard to keep up with, but the ending delivers, and you can forget about the middle. Although, I would have liked that little last blurb of 'two years later' to show she was pregnant again to prove that despite her near death (Ha. Ha.) experience, and the skepticism in the face of reassurance from her doctor, she wasn't afraid. Also, you barely touched on Orcus's panic moment when the alarm goes off, I would have elaborated on what he was thinking/feeling/etc, but that's just me.
So anyway, my point being, I truly liked your story, once I was finished.
Besides the opinions on what one reader thinks should be added, I would suggest, picking apart each chapter with a fine toothed comb just to make sure that everything, despite being in a fantastical world, is true to fact. I felt, having taken care of young children and new mothers, that some of the experience Astoria was going through was merely brushed over or not touched on at all, and those things could definitely be used to give her character further depth. Or the milestones the twins reached. I was confused, were they reaching those milestones early because of the Other World blood? Or did more time pass than was let on? At a month old, very few if any babies play with toys, unless a parent or second party is holding the toy. So this confused me. Little things like this turned me away, perhaps if you aren't so sure on things, I suggest research research research. Research your self out, until you are so sick of it, you start noticing things you've researched in your daily life. 'Babies can only see about ten inches in front of their face when they are born, the distance between them and their mothers' face' oh hey, that's how far my computer screen is from my face, so figure. You start to weird yourself out you do so much research.
Anyhow, It is super later, and I can no think of anything to pick apart that is huge that poses a real threat within this piece of work. It is nicely written, I found few if any spelling errors, and the structure did not inhibit progress at all.
My only true cause for concern for this work, readers may hit those couple of middle chapters and struggle to push themselves through, thus you lose readers.
But otherwise, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, it is unlike any story I've encountered thus far. Completely original, hard to guess ahead.
I will admit to thinking that Rose was going to be born with Astoria's mother's soul. Or, once I reached the part in the chapter, with Astoria herself.
Thank you for writing.
| LOL chapter 30 . 5/10/2013
Amazing, I don't think I've ever liked a story more! 5/5, keep up the good work!
| cloud9cas chapter 30 . 2/7/2013
Holy Cracker Jacks, Woman! I thought I was going to have to kill you during chapter 29! Alas, you made all well in the end and Orcus finally admitted his love for Astoria. *sigh* Good work, dear. :}
| LOL chapter 9 . 2/5/2013
Somehow, I'm glad you mentioned abortion. I seem to side with the people from the Other World better than a fair amount of this world's population.
| LOL chapter 5 . 2/5/2013
read the note thingy. This story is really good, an you are pretty good at writing!
| Ney13 chapter 10 . 11/24/2012
Lol, all I gotta say is poor Umona. She always gets the brunt of Astoria's selfish moments
| Nadel chapter 6 . 11/19/2012
loving this story :D
| GraceSaader chapter 30 . 11/15/2012
it dragged on. Thirty chapters and nothing but them trying to figure each other out? A bit boring if you ask me. At chapter ten I felt like it should have stopped or you could have added some action into it. After all, doesn't Death have any enemies that want to get revenge on him? Couldn't you have shown how they were trying to get together.
Half the time I felt as if it was all about Astoria and not him... It lacked emotion...
Despite the minor things you could have worked on, it was a decently written story. I do admire the fact that you took the time to write it- not many people can do that! At points you have me chuckling due to how they were talking to each other and in disbelief as to why Death couldn't admit his feelings.
I am only just an internet user, do not contact me due to your distraught that my message has left you in.
| Vampiyaa chapter 30 . 11/10/2012
this was absolutely fantastic :D you my friend are a true writer, no an ARTIST, this was the freaking Mona Lisa of fiction! this should have gotten far more reviews than it did, please for the sake of others keep it up
| Arya Yamamoto chapter 30 . 10/26/2012
Love the story! While I was a bit leery at the beginning (mainly because i was expecting a more detailed description of how hot Orcus was) I found that overall the character development was good, and that while i still feel that I can't picture him and "I" clearly in my mind's eye I realised that I have 'seen' them from so many different perspectives (like their children's, their family, their subjects's PoV) that it doesn't really matter anymore.
It's a good tale, in that there's a definite thread throughout the entire thing and it didn't stray off too much. The love was sweet and stoic, and made me think of how easy it is to say "I love you" but hard to know if someone truly means it. And of course the idea of how death works was creative, not really that original with the whole hour-glass thing, but the way you put them together was constructive and easy to understand. Overall, I had a great time reading. Thank you!
| JaeTheVampireLord chapter 30 . 10/17/2012
taht was a beautiful story, I just marathonned my way through all thirty chapters and am now feeling quite satisfied. I am glad you didn't kill Astoria, she is way too good of a character to let die.
| JaeTheVampireLord chapter 5 . 10/17/2012
This is actually a very interesting story, and very well written. My best suggestion as of this point in the story is to just double check for little spelling errors, stuff like dropped letters, or tiny mistypes, there have been a very few so far, other than that nothing glaring.
Well, except maybe either indenting or adding lines between paragraphs so the story isn't a giant block of text.