Reviews for Betrothed to Death
Forbidden Child Of Artemis chapter 8 . 12/25/2011
i hope you get better soon! take your time rest and have happy holidays you know what dont even think about you story at all just think about you babies and family and most importantly feeling better dont work to hard! lol
Forbidden Child Of Artemis chapter 5 . 12/25/2011
ok to tell you the truth you dont need any reviews if you have alot of alerts if you have alot of alerts that means your story should no not even that needs to be a freakin book lol this is a fantastic story lol keep it up. ;D
GazeInToHer chapter 8 . 12/21/2011
Get better soon. I am 7 months pregnant and would be a wreck if my son was in the car. Good thing your baby wasn't. Stupid people happen, just remember that. Enjoy the painkillers. _
NWoww chapter 8 . 12/20/2011
Oh god you poor wee thing. I hope you'll get better soon - take your time and get yourself right. Love from london x
O-nimode chapter 7 . 12/19/2011
That 7th chapter...Y U NO WRITE SEXY SEX SCENES?

Sorry. The story itself really is pretty good. But I'm a pervert. So, yeah...something to consider in future chapters...
thatawkwardmoment chapter 4 . 12/19/2011
I feel like its rushed. The relationship and everything just feels like you're hurrying through it - it mght just be a personal preference thing, I like my romances slow and just a bit rocky. They just seem to have jumped in and her only issue is that she doesn't want to have kids.

I have trouble seeing a young woman being forced into another life going along with it so quickly and easily but she isn't my character so this might be something she would have no trouble going along with.

Also her bonding with the sister. Even that seems rushed, not even a week and she's got a new best friend and is being told the sort of things that seem like they would be kept private - the mother going insane and the secrets of being the Grim Reaper.

There were a couple of typos but it's no biggie and I've got a tummy bug and am too worn out to go back and track them down. Sorry.

Anyways, I hope this helps, and it was all meant as constructive critism. :)
thatawkwardmoment chapter 2 . 12/18/2011
I like it. It's very interesting and not the sort of plot I see very often, one I like a lot, but haven't really seen before, so I'm pretty happy.

Anyways, just thought I'd leave a review saying so far its pretty good.

I do think there wasn't enough emotion in the first couple of chapters. When I read the bit about her dying or her mum pleading with death, I was expecting more of something... I just didn't feel much when I read it, maybe its just because I don't know the characters. I'm not sure.

But it is good and I'm looking forward to reading more. :)
Mkirk chapter 7 . 12/18/2011
Wow at first I was really surprised that he suggested her having an affair, but then considering the circumstances I wasn't as surprised. I do wonder how long it will last considering it's not that he as an inability to love, but just refuses to.

I'm also surprised Astoria is already in love with Aesar. I understand she is desperate for love, but I still don't think Aesar's love is the kind she is searching for. I'm curious to see where you are going to take it. I kind of feel like Astoria and Aesar's love is artificial and once Ocrus comes to his senses, or is able to let this anti-love wall down, Astoria will realize she was just using Aesar to fill a void. Obviously right now she probably just feels like a living incubator for Ocrus' baby and I imagine might get quite depressed about again soon.

Just a suggestion or request: Although I haven't published on FP I do know from other authors that the doc manager has be iffy lately, but I would request that when you're shifting scenes or time, you could make some sort of page break. It would just make it easier to follow.

Other than that you are a really good writer and I love this story. I'm not sure why more people haven't reviewed, but hopefully that will change as you update more. chapter 5 . 12/16/2011
I have just read your story and found it truly interesting and entrancing. It seems like a great beginning and leaves me wondering what will happen next.

I don't have any specific suggestions of what could happen next, however it would be nice to see the characters successfully developing further, as well as perhaps more detailed Ocrus''work time' description (since I suppose it should be directly influencing his personality, thus would help to get to know the character better).

I am by no means a writer or a critic and I just wanted to let you now that there are people who have read this story and are eagerly waiting for a new chapter (I am sure there are a lot of readers who by some mysterious reason just don't bother to write a review and many more who aren't even registered to this website (like myself)).

Good luck in writing (whatever you choose to write).
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