|Reviews for Small Dark Spaces|
| Jodiexxx chapter 2 . 8/8/2013
Oh god. I feel so bad. So, so bad.
(And not just because I didn't review your story the first time I read it the long time ago because I was in one of my lazy moods. BTW I love brothercest so thanks for this, yay.) I feel shitty because there's just this sense of lurking doom that's hovering over Kole's perspective that I feel so deeply and makes my heart drop right down to my toes. Look, every time I reread this my heart just gets squeezed painfully and I feel like my mind's spinning a little. It makes my throat a little tight, perhaps because of how Kole seems so terrified of his desire for his brother even to the extent of asking for therapy - and that's exactly how I love these things to be portrayed. The way you described his feelings while in his POV is realistic as it doesn't go into elaborate description which would seem quite unrealistic in the moment as he is feeling them. His actions, not his thoughts, are the ones showing how he feels, and I love that. He's so sure of exactly what he shouldn't - or, at least, believes what he shouldn't - be doing that it tears him apart because it's exactly what he wants to be doing. I like his mother; she's so loving. Anyway, great two-shot. Love this love this love this - even though it makes me feel so /bad/ (maybe for Kole, maybe for Cameron) and I like to imagine that Kole gets over it eventually. As in, completely puts it behind him, without even possibly regretting any of his lost feelings. (If that makes sense. But if it doesn't, never mind.)
I feel like Cameron might, maybe, potentially, be slightly confused or want him a little, and yet feels a little repulsed by the idea since it's his brother and all. I can't be sure, but, since I understand the natural revulsion people feel at the thought of doing things with their siblings, him actually being willing to reach out and touch Kole first afterwards, seems a little off to me. I could be wrong though. Besides, something about this line made me frown: "Why not?" - why would he ask that if he wasn't trying to justify the wrongness through Kole's very own words without him having to explain it? It's quite obvious why no one would want to like their own sibling if they could choose. Incidentally, it feels like he's indirectly accusing Kole of being a sicko as well since he's like, why wouldn't /you/ want to? This line made me wonder if he was actually sounding Kole out, like: "What's wrong with loving me?" But I guess I'll never know, since Kole can't read minds. Ah well, I guess that's for the better. :/
"Cameron, can't breath."
breathe is a verb. breath is a noun. I think you meant to put 'breathe'.
Okaaay! Um. Thanks for posting this. Really glad you did. (Could you tell me if you're considering making any more in the future? I want to Author Alert you if you do.) Stole half my breath away. (Half because I still need to breathe. :P) I loved it!
| Thirteen Chances chapter 2 . 3/21/2012
I like this story a lot. It was real and interesting. I love brothercest and all that happy relationship stuff, but this story showed the reality of what happens in response to feelings of this nature between siblings. I loved it to death. My first sentence of this review was a phenomenal understatement. Awesome job -
| Big Boots Man Of War chapter 1 . 12/17/2011
*gasp* Oh my gosh! This is so intriuging! I am so glad people are starting up new brothercests. I cannot live without them :P
I really enjoyed the first part, with the "often"s. That was cool! And oh my gosh, how could you leave it at that cliffie? Are you trying to kill us all? :P
Don't worry about the section breaks, btw. I have trouble with them too; it's so fristrating. But I am really enjoying this so far, so I hope you update soon! :D
| AshleyLongbottom chapter 1 . 12/17/2011
Well first off, I was afraid that your super-short paragraphs were going to be too choppy, but after awhile the story's pace develops this kind of crisp rhythm that flows well. Each sentence has a lot of punch, a lot of emotion. You did a great job developing suspense as to the contents of the nightmare -each scene where Kole wakes up, we get a little bit more information about the dream. You have a super clean, minimalist writing style, which is quite refreshing, since a lot of writers will try to get too "wordy". You stick to readable sentences that sound graceful and elegant. You also did a good job giving the mom character without making her too important.
If I might now offer some constructive criticism: I know it's a one-shot so you don't have a lot of room for lots of small details, but I kind of wish I had a stronger sense of Kole and Cam's current relationship. Since it's about to change in a big way, it would be nice to know where it's at right now, or how it's been in the past. I don't know if they hang out together at all, how old they are, if they've always shared a room, etc.
By the way, huge props to you for taking on incest. I'd love to write an gay incest story but haven't quite gotten the guts for it yet. So far you've handled it with lots of artistic grace, rather than taking the easy way out and just being raunchy.
| Julio C.Y chapter 1 . 12/16/2011
Really good story and the ending caught me completely by surprise. I was pretty into it for the most part and empathized with Kole as I to suffer from chronic nightmares (though not for the same reason). I really didn't know what exactly to expect. For some reason I got a sort of supernatural feel from the story and I was expecting it focus on this but the way it played was pretty good. I honestly did not see the ending coming and it was a good twist. It really shows what people with these sorts of issues go through and it's sad society puts so much stress on them. Overall, I'd say it's a great story, very well written. It kept me interesting throughout and surprised me at the end. It's easy to follow. Really well done. Sorry for not going more in depth but I'll be honest, I'm sort of a newbie so I wouldn't want to sound dumb and give weird advice. Good job though, it's the first story I read on fictionpress and I'm glad it was a good one.