|Reviews for Charms in the Rain|
| Jenny Sue chapter 1 . 12/18/2011
Really beautiful piece. You created such a developed character in such a short space - I loved all the little details of her personality, like spontaneous laughter, naming her car, where she's from and where she's heading, observing the traffic and the 'Massholes'. And 'she was either out of the house or dead' made me chuckle; I love that those are the two possibilities that she immediately narrows it down to :P There's a sense of the character developing over the course of the story as well, because she begins by worrying about relatively trivial things like transport, and by the end she's thinking about another person.
I have no real criticism because it was all beautifully written. But I feel like I should say something constructive, so there were a couple of places where I thought starting a new paragraph would've helped, such as...
["I still love her. Love defies death, Ms. Rosenstein." *I'd go to the next paragraph here* I'm not sure how to respond to this, so I grip the edges of my slightly torn seat with my fingertips and look at my sopping feet.]
...Simply because the first part is Jack's dialogue and the second part is Emily's action. Strictly speaking I suppose you only really have to go to the next paragraph if someone else is talking, and this is just a matter of taste, but I find it helps the readability of a story when one character's dialogue is kept away from what other characters are doing where possible. If yeh get me.
But yeah, it was ridiculously well-written and I've added this to my favourites. I'll be sure to check out your other stories. Nice job, you're a really great writer :)