|Reviews for Say Nothing|
| Anon chapter 1 . 2/14/2012
This, and your other poetry, is very powerful - very honest and moving. Enjoying reading so far :)
| teamgodzilla chapter 1 . 2/8/2012
Nice! This was a really fun to read (reminded me of reading lyrics to a song).
I know a review should be well rounded with pros and cons but I just can't think of any constructive criticism for this :P
| Clusterfuck chapter 1 . 1/16/2012
I stumbled upon your C2 purely by accident (and WOW, fucking hell, THANK YOU), and remembered, I still had yet to review. I have no excuses.
I loveloveLOVE 's magical, and Gods, I want to list everything I like, but then I'd just be copying and pasting the whole poem, so wowwowWOW, is this good and what am I saying I don't even know anymore. Argh.
| dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 1/13/2012
I love the topic you took on here. Male beauty isn't something I see written about unless it's, you know, gooey crap about getting lost in his brilliant blue orbs.
Also, the rhythm of this is fantastic! I just imagine this being spoken-word poetry because it's too alive to be on the page. I can tell you're completely aware of it throughout because you make some really good choices about line lengths and breaks. Two points in particular I noticed:
[I'll be in-/capable of speech] I like how you split that word. It gives more punch to the consonant sound.
[Or talk my way into/the narrowness/the harrowing narrowing narrowness/of/your/hips.] At first I thought "the harrowing narrowing narrowness" was too long, but it works well with the short, punctuated lines immediate after.
Going along with rhythm, you used your rhyme very effectively. Since you don't have stanzas, it served to break this up into smaller chunks and ideas. I also liked the internal rhyme you used occasionally, such as "I have no story that equivalents your glory."
Speaking of that line, the word "equivalents" trips me up. It sounds like it should be a verb, but I can't think of an alternative. Really, the poetic licence you took to use it isn't bad, but it did distract me while reading.
I'd say the weakest part of this was the ending. It was just...flat, rhythmically. I think that kind of ending could work effectively to give this some dead weight at the end, but repeating what is mostly the same idea twice made it drag for me. Good sentiment, but it was a shame to be disappointed at the end of such a great poem.
I've been debating putting this on my favorites and I think I'm going to go for it. You have an awesome sense of wordplay and rhythm and the topic was very creative. Nice work!