|Reviews for Belonging|
| Owly Bird chapter 1 . 12/29/2011
I loved it for two reasons: you used a lot of colourful descriptive language so i got a very detailed sense of what is happening in the story, especially in the setting. Your'e story was original and actually describes a problem in our modern day society, about the troubling things we go through to feel included and a place for ourselves. Very well done, Nelle. Keep on writing! :D Owl lover
| Thea Nemrica chapter 1 . 12/24/2011
Likkeee :D really descriptive, and i liked how you changed between perspectives.
| Nelle Kenley chapter 1 . 12/24/2011
First, thank you for the advice to whomever would take time to read my story. I just wanted to clarify what I'm trying to do writing wise.
For some reason, when I posted this story, it cut off the beginning words which are suppose to be " .God! Edward, come upstairs at once!" So I excuse myself for that. Also, it cut off allow my time laps (like using a symbol to seperate events that happened for a long period of time) and my some of my paraghraphs were not double spaced.
So, in the beginning, I wanted my story to be in third person. When I finished the part when Nicholas leaves and no one really cares except for Caroline, I decided that the next part would be in her perspective so I put it in first person. The reason I wanted to do that is because I wanted to talk about how she regreted the choices she made in her life ( like becoming a lady when she could have became astronomer, or not trying to stop Nicholas from leaving.)When I start using the word 'I' she is currently in the present and about 20 years old. She never really "belonged" anywhere but she just tried to fit in. In her heart, she never really wanted to be in England because she was born somewhere else but her mother married someone from England so they moved. In that time, girls usually train to become ladies and try to get a husand but that's not really what she wanted. She did it anyways because of the fact that she didn't want to be was suppose to be a time lap there but it got cut off and I can't edit it back to how it was before.
I hope this somewhat clarified what I wanted to do. Again, thank you for your opinion and constructive criticism. I'll take everything in to consideration so I can improve my writing skill. Happy holidays ;)
| Blanca 3 chapter 1 . 12/24/2011
| Pegga chapter 1 . 12/24/2011
Hey Ellen! I love the book! Call me 3! -Pegga
| Samuel Ashinton chapter 1 . 12/23/2011
I don't understand it. At first I thought that the narrator was a random person then it suddenly became Caroline. You have to be sure that you know who's talking, you know? By the way, I don't think that you should say "shall" and other Shakespearian language unless your whole text is Shakespearian. It doesn't really fit. The ending is kinda short too. You made Caroline doubt whether she belonged, then in one sentence, she figures out that she does. Also, you have a lot of punctuation errors, check it.
| Layne McCray chapter 1 . 12/23/2011
Hi Nelle! I finally created my own account! The comment below (or above...i'm not sure) is mine, if it doesn't have a name. If you don't know who I am then: Pastries!
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/23/2011
I really like your story Nelle, I can really see these characters in a movie! I know that you told me that something went wrong and it cut out some words and stuff so I won't talk about the ponctuation. Your story is belivable and includes a lot of detail. Good work!