|Reviews for Everything Stays Still|
| Laoch chapter 1 . 1/5/2012
Powerful, even though it's short. I quite enjoyed the dark desperation of the character as well as her voice; both came out clearly and with nice detail.
However, I am a little confused. I like how so much emotion was put into something so short, but I feel as though it could be fleshed out a bit more; have some background.
[The fairy tales I reads when I was kid with happy ending were lies.] Should have an 's' at the end of 'ending'.
[My voice cries out, tears dripped from my chin and I pray the person whose calling will save me.] 'Dripped' should be 'dripping' to keep with the same tense as the rest. As well, the 'whose' you have is weird, because it's changed the whole sentence. Did you perhaps mean 'who is'?
Short, but strong.