|Reviews for I Call You Butterfly|
| Rocky Swordleaf chapter 2 . 3/1/2012
well, you have talent, that's for sure. for the most part, your sentences flowed nicely, and the idea is interesting.
but, as always, i must offer some constructive criticism, because i am picky:
1. go easy on the description and adjectives. i know you want everyone to see your characters just as you do, but the extra words really don't do much good when they're put in areas of action or narrative. they just distract the reader, make sentences too lengthy, and are often forgotten anyway. a short paragraph near the beginning with a brief description of how the characters look will be plenty.
2. watch your punctuation, especially in dialogue. it wasn't a huge problem, but again, it was distracting.
3. slow down a little! i understand that you can't wait to get things moving, but try this exercise: rewrite a chapter or more of the story, making it as long as possible. stretch out everything as much as you can. add everything the characters see, feel, hear, smell, taste, and think. then, when you're done, wait a few days before reading it as if you've never seen it before in your life. after that, just delete, move, or rephrase any sentences that interrupt the flow of the story. tedious, i know. but it works. i once wrote an entire novel, 204 pages long, using this exercise. now i'm writing it over again with about 50 pages worth chopped off, and i'm way more confident.
there: i am finished with my advice-giving. please accept it. i really would like to see what you can do.
| RayRayofCali chapter 2 . 2/2/2012
Ooh, I like it please continue! It's a great story and can't wait to read more!
| PurpleOrchids chapter 2 . 1/2/2012
A lot of people would normally demand the next chapter (and honestly, I'm one of them), but I know it's pretty hard deciding how to write the next things. But YES! you really need to continue this. :D