GREAT, just great. Capron has his work cut out for him. And you say that we arent to the best part yet? Are we close? Maybe? Hopefully? Okay, just a heads up- I rate how wonderful a story is by how good the ending is. I'm not trying to pressure you, but please don't rush the ending. It is the best part for some of us (or maybe only me). :) but you r so well paced hat I don't think that it will be a problem. Keep positive! Just write what makes you smile and we will surely agree with you (that is unless you kill one of them, then we would need to have words)! UPDATE! Please? With brownies on top?

He is going to have cow when he finds out! XD he is starting to feel something for her, right? Lol, that poor boy has no idea what he is getting himself into! Brilliant! Just make sure and update soon!

They don't get a choice! They are born with it! You little-! *chases capron around*

AHHHH! I love this story; it's so creative! Keep up the good work! (:

If my review is confusing, disjoint, or disorganized, it's because I'm tired. (Because of a research project - see bottom)

One of your cliff-hanger chapters!

-The mysterious destruction of an entire town, but not at the hands of the Belgrava. According to Callana, that is.

-An unidentified girl, who may be a magician. Whom Capron thinks is a magician and wants to get rid of despite her being a child.

Ooh. Ardis uses a lot of magic here. Does Capron notice?... He *does* give her that odd look ("...his eyes seemed to be cooling down and were filling with something else. Something she couldn't quite pinpoint.").

Question: Is Hirette a sort of god? (Instead of OMG, "Oh, Hirette"?)

It's rather ambiguous when she sees the girl - does she know the girl and calls her Hirette? Or is it just an expression of amazement and "Oh, God"?

It's getting tense between Ardis and Capron - great dialogue illustrating this. Ardis lightly defends magicians on moral grounds, but Capron seems to hate them and want to kill every one - man, woman, and child. Every day (every minute!) Ardis waits, the secret becomes even more dangerous.

Then again, there's also some sort of companionship flowing underneath. (i.e. when Capron sounds "almost worried")

Great chapter, as usual. Perfect timing too - I'm working on a very stressful history research project, and it's always a relief to read something completely unrelated before getting back to work.

Thanks!

-MathNerd3141

So at the expense of sounding dumb: Love is in the air!

And just to let you know, I want to curl up with your entire story one day when it's published and read it cover to cover. (and I know it will be published bc it's that damn good.)

And Capron...interesting man he is. Quite interesting...

He actually has a heart...well, not really, but I think there's something that has been buried and will begin to glow soon...

And I love the way you characterize him: I meant for my one character Amlab to be like him but that didn't work out: you've done a good job with his characterization and giving him life.

Wonderful chapter as always. You know you seem to have a knack from knowing when I want to read a new chapter, every single time I find myself thinking of the story, and wanting the new chapter, a new one appears. Are you a magician? Anyway, awww that little girl sounds adorable, I hope she's alright. And not evil. That would suck if the girl was evil... Anyway, looking foward for the next chapter, and I hope more tension shows up for Adris and Capron!

You updated really quickly. I was rather pleasantly surprised to see an alert in my inbox telling me about this new chapter.

Anyways, Capron sometimes annoys me so much. His hatred of magicians does not appear to know any bounds. I understand why he would hate it, and I see how realistic your portrayal of his hatred it. But nevertheless... As for Ardis saving the girl, I'm very glad she did it. So, we now have one lone survivor? Will the girl reveal the truth about what happened to the town? Did she see what happened and who the culprit was? There are so many questions running through my mind at this point in time, including who destroyed this place... if it isn't the Belgrava as Callana seems to be sure it isn't.

Also, the growing (but still very tense) relationship between Capron and Ardis is great to read. I do like how you slowly progress in your character developments and relationship. It's like you're slowly peeling off the metaphorical wrapping around the characters and their relationships until you get to what is at the very core of everything. So, very nicely done.

Thanks again for the great read!

Signing off...

Okay, I did it! I finally caught up to the chapters that you have up! But now, putting aside my inner rejoicings, let’s get into the reviews I have for these last three chapters (as a note: sorry, it is kind of long. I took notes of my thoughts while reading on a Word document so there’s a lot in this review).

Ch. 24: With your concern about Ardis getting unconscious too many times, it is understandable that this keeps happening. First drafts always have these tendencies where one certain event keeps happening to a character over and over and over again. And when there’s tinges of adventure in the story, things such as blackouts, always occur. So, no need to fret over this too much. Continuing on… So, Callana is his aunt! Very interesting development, but it makes sense now that she knows who Capron really was. I also think that the side effect of magic is an interesting add-on, though you’ve struck quite a true concept there: everything comes with a price.

Ch. 25: I’m glad that you wrote this chapter. I feel that Katrin did need a subplot of her own, and the one you chose is just marvelous. Now, Torin… Torin baffles me to no bounds. The guy acts so confusing, and he must be crazy to try to capture a princess… But I guess, being cursed makes you crazy. Being power-hungry makes you crazy. And well, craziness then equates to some evilness… The dialogue was intense though, and I liked how you developed Katrin. She’s a selfish princess who only cares about her own benefit to an extent, and though this would make me hate her, I can’t find it in my heart to do so. I slightly admire her for this personality.

Ch. 26: Ardis’s character development is wonderful. She’s becoming a wiser person, which is great to see in a character. But it’s also nice to see that she is still stuck on her servitude. It makes sense. She’s lived a servant all of her life, so this abiding character of her would have to stick, even with some freedom. Capron’s hatred towards magicians definitely brews trouble… Definitely, and I fear what will happen when Ardis is revealed to have magic. Though I want the best for her, as a writer, I expect that the reveal will have lots of drama and repercussions (because that is just realistic and makes the story better).

Overall: This story is not moving slowly. Development is development, and it is better to build the plot up slowly instead of just rushing to the climax. Plus, your story isn’t that long as of now. I mean, the later Harry Potter books were around 200,000 words. Good stories can take time to develop. As long as your story doesn’t get drawn out and it is going somewhere interesting (which it is), I think the pacing is perfectly fine. In fact, I will admit that I wished I had your brilliant pacing. And if you don’t like the pacing, then this is just the first draft. You can go back and tweak it later to meet your desires. So, no worries. Just write you story to your heart’s content and let all your imaginative musings seep onto the page (or rather, computer screen). I bet I’ll love the story no matter what you do.

I can’t wait for the next update! Thanks so much sharing this lovely story!

Signing off…

Another chapter, another review. Yay!

I think the pace if perfectly fine, if not a bit too fast. It's a complicated story that can be divided into several books if necessary. (Book 1: White Magic ; Book 2: Land of Dust; Book 3: Return of the King [as in ]; or something like that.)

Anyway, the main part of this comment is this: I really don't think the title page you put on that fiction site (I can't remember it now!) fits the story [girl pondering in the forest, light streaming down]. Here's my idea:

-black backdrop, signifying absence of magic in this world (what was it called again?). Maybe not plain black, black such that the eye will easily recognize vague outlines of people. Creepy, shifting outlines.

-Ardis in white in foreground, illuminated but not glowing [camera only focusing on top 1/3 of her]

-head slightly bent downward, eyes glaring warily out at the reader [OR: eyes peering concernedly down into her

-hands cupped to chest as if holding some precious object

-bright, bright light leaking out of the gaps between her fingers [it's magic!]

Though I'd really like to try this, I have no graphics design experience. Except MS Paint.

Regarding this chapter, the end seems a bit strange. Why does the outburst "Don't you care at all?" come after the "Then we'll go to Halburn and ask there."?

Hmmm... Ardis sees that Capron doesn't care for the magicians' fate and that they "made their choice" to be magicians. Naturally, she's hurt because she is one.

Getting interesting... makes one wonder what will happen when Ardis finally has to reveal herself. Or gets revealed by another.

It's building and building...

-MathNerd3141

Okay. Sorry if my review sounds disjointed. I'm kind of functioning on a tired mind.

First off, these last few chapters were really interesting. The plot keeps getting interesting in ways I could never imagine. Secrets are getting revealed. Characters are slowly developing and growing as a whole. And time is rushing by at a quick pace. I really do love this story. The plot is so engaging, and the characters are so well done.

Now, going into the specifics.

I agree. Chapter 21 was rather rushed. You could have slowed down the character reactions or conversation, but considering that it is your first draft, this rush is totally understandable.

As for Imara's past... I really did not expect that, but it does add some depth to her character. I feel as if Imara is not getting as well developed as other characters, and I liked the chapter with her because it broke her superficial barrier and showed more of her inner self. I also enjoyed seeing Felix and Imara together - those two's conversations are just as enjoyable as Capron's and Ardis's.

I'm also happy to see Ardis actually using her magic. I see her breaking out of her shell and finding good with her powers. I just hope that Capron accepts her in the end.

As for Calleana, she makes me feel suspicious, though I have a feeling that is meant to be good and helpful. Yet, she knows too much that I can't help but be wary.

Anyways, these chapters have been great. I've thoroughly enjoyed reading them.

Thanks for the great read!

Signing off...

The pace of the story is fine. :)

I don't trust Callana even though I think I should...

And Ardis is def growing as a character, which is wonderful to see. She is gaining confidence yet still retains that servent humility.

Dust lands-I can't wait to see how it will figure into the story at later chapters.

And those monstrous pets...hmmmmm...

Lovely chapter as usual :)

Wonderful chapter as always! I just love how Adris and Capron sort of tug at each other, so cute! I can't wait for the next chapter and I hope to see it soon. Thank you for updating!

Once again, another great chapter.

The way you described Ardis's burning sensation was really nicely done. I could just imagine the torture and burns that she felt as she was slowly poisoned.

As for the poisoner... who is it? I have my suspicions, but I'm probably wrong (as I always am when guessing about these things). And I'm really interested to see how the journey progresses and what happens with all of the characters. This plot is definitely getting interesting, and I can't wait to read more!

Signing off...

Another great chapter!

So the slaver actually works for the Princess? Very surprising and unexpected. The plot progression is just amazing. You always manage to throw something at me that I never expect, and you keep me at the edge of my seat with every chapter from the beginning to ending.

Continuing on, I enjoyed the dialogue between Ardis and Capron in the end. Scenes between the two are always so nicely done, and I just love the chemistry you've created between the two.

Also, I'm beginning to see why you call this story 'White Magic' what with the talk about magic being evil and everything. I do find it interesting that you created a fantasy story in a place where it is dangerous to have magic. Most stories give glory to anybody who has magic. This one doesn't. And that is what makes it unique in my eyes.

And finally, so, you have a love/hate relationship with Katrin? I do see how she could have started out as a female Capron, but she definitely is more manipulative and controlling. Well, I guess it's interesting to have a love/hate relationship with your character. It makes the writing more interesting, no?

Thanks for the great read!

Signing off...