Great chapter. The ending was kind of a cliffhanger, wasn't it?

I enjoyed how you portrayed Katrin. I might have only met her in this one chapter, but I already have a good perception of her and her character. Your portrayal of characters is always so well done. It just takes a few lines of your writing, and a reader can instantly understand who the character is and what the character is like.

I do like the intrigues that is happening in this story. Everybody is hiding their own secrets. Everybody can't completely trust another person, though they have to. It certainly is realistic and understandable.

Also, I checked out your blog. It looks great! The pictures that you chose for the characters were interesting, and I liked the map.

So, you worked on this for NaNoWriMo? Well, I guess I'll just have to be looking out for all your future NaNoWriMo works because this one is just marvelous!

Thanks for the great read!

Signing off...

Okay, so I took notes while reading, so hopefully, this review will be more specific and helpful.

First off, one thing I noticed was Ardis's character. I do like how you portray her. There's a sense of defiance in her, yet she did live the life of a servant. So, she can be more subservient at times. I think that this character set-up is well done because if you're a servant for all of your life, you don't just become this completely fiery person the moment you leave the castle (as many stories do).

Capron is also nicely portrayed while we're on the topic of characters. He has so many different facets to him. He can be pained but cold. And that is what makes him an interesting character that you want to see more of. And the curse that you've imagined for Capron is just unexpected and new.

And while we're at it, all of your characters are pretty endearing (except for the antagonists *cough*Torin*cough*).

There have been many beautiful sentences spelled out in the last few chapters. For example: “It was the way that they [the animals] viewed the word that mattered." I just think that the words chosen are direct and the idea that you were going for was beautifully wrought. It's a different way of saying what you're saying, and that just makes the story more unique.

Finally, the scenes between Ardis and Capron are adorable. I think the two's personalities go well with one another. We have the cold guy. We have the girl trying to make sense of everything. Their conversations flow nicely and I just enjoy reading about their relationship with each other.

Anyways, thanks for sharing this lovely story with us!

Signing off...

Whoa. Great past few chapters. Brilliant in fact. Wonderful to be more specific. Marvelous to cover a wide depth. Stupendous... well, you get the idea, right?

This chapter really profoundly affected me. I can't believe Ardis's mother died just like that. It's too heartbreaking. The death was quick, too... but very realistic and raw. Your portrayal of Ardis's emotions were wonderfully done, though. I can really empathize with her situation.

Anyways, I was too engrossed in these past few chapters and just devoured them without any pause. This story is very nice, and I just love the plot. I've read a lot of reviews saying that you should get published, and I affirm with that. I haven't read much, but this story has so much potential. It definitely has the material to capture anybody's interest.

One critique though is that sometimes you have a rather confusing use of pronouns. For example, you're mentioning Ardis thinking of something. Then, Imara speaks and you only refer to her as "she." It makes me think Ardis is speaking first before I realize it is someone else. But that's a minor problem. I just felt like pointing it out, though the mistake is understandable since it is your first draft.

Thanks for the great read though!

Signing off...

Wow... It's been such a long time since I've reviewed, and I'm sorry. I've just been busy and I've been trying to catch up with the chapters of all of the other stories that I started before I began White Magic.

But anyways, continuing on... Great chapter. I do really like how this plot is advancing, since there's so much potential. I presume the plot will be pretty epic, just because of the set-up and your writing style definitely denotes a good story.

So, this is a first draft? You've not even looked over each chapter once before posting it? Well, if that is the case, then you are a very brilliant writer and I give you kudos for this. Grammar and spelling is fine enough for a first draft, and I enjoy reading this story very much.

Thanks for the great read! And now, onto the next few chapters!

Signing off...

Yes, Torin is very confusing. He keeps getting better and better... I wonder why he's still in power, though. Wouldn't a usurping magician already have taken it?

Does Torin's (trying to) capture Ardis involve something about only a magician being able to pick it? (I *know* I read it earlier...)

(a previous chapter) When I read about Callana, I instantly thought "elf". I have no idea why.

Oooo... I get to be in the acknowledgements... List me first! In bold!

:D

All in all, a short but tense chapter. (Exactly what you wanted, right?)

GO FORTH AND DO MATH (but first get that next chapter written),

MathNerd3141

*waves fists in the air* You should not have told him that, you dummy! Why do princesses in this story make me want to hit my head against the wall so badly? Okay, we are calming down... WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE KNOWS WHERE THE FRUIT IS? HE SENT THEM ON A WILD GOOSE CHASE? And does Torin still want Ardis as his queen? Maybe he is smart enough to give up on that, unless, that is, if he decides to make her just to hurt his twin (grrr!)

Well, on a lighter note, you updated! *does a little dance* You know, I was feeling a bit down today, but this story lifted my spirits a bit. It made me smile) If you do end up publishing it, I will buy it- on one condition! That you finish it on FP so that I can see the ending before you take it down, otherwise I might go mad! Sooo, Torin is a little insane? I so should have seen that coming. *humph* He is so evil!

But I loved this chapter, just like the others. Don't give up! Write what makes you smile and we are surely to agree with you! Thanks for posting!

YAY! You've been steadily updating, which is more than I can say for most of my stories... Anyway, good chapter, as always. I kinda hope the princess will die, double crossing, killing bi- something that rhymes with itch .. Ooooh maybe Adris has the fruit inside her? And Torin made this huge wild goose chase just so she could activate it in a specific place? Or am I completely wrong? It's probably the latter... Can't wait until the next chapter!

I believe it is because she has elven blood in her, and I think you mentioned before only they can pick the fruit/flower thing. (Torin is 100% human, I think).

As to why Torin asked her where it was, I have a couple of theories but none really stand out.

I'm anticipating the chapter Capron finds out Ardis' secret. Wonderful and creative story. :)

Definitely alerting.

Keep writing!

-Golden

I *better* be in the acknowledgments lol

But yea, lovely chapter, as always. Torin is indeed confusing and yet not: he doesnt know where the fruit is, i bet, and is only bluffing to gain her alliance. or maybe he does know...

at any rate, it's good he doesnt do magic and only a man does bc that way, things can be a little easier, but then, it can be harder bc the man can hide in the background and do his little magic while the king fights...idk...

Hahaha we all have our characters black out like crazy in first drafts. Oh well, but no, I don't think it's too repetitive, because I understand where you're coming from.

This story is just becoming more intriguing with each chapter. I mean, you have this Callana woman a former queen, and you have Capron who had thin lips when she asked him if he was still on about magicians, which makes me think he's not, and he may know about Ardis. But then you have Callana who knows about Ardis' magic but dares to talk abut eradicating magic in front of the poor girl. and then you have Ardis reading Capron's thoughts-most intriguing and where had Callana gone to in the forest? She couldn't have been just taking a walk? was she staking out the area or was she trying to look around for ways to get out? Such a wonderful story you have written. I urge you to try to get it published whn you finish. I think it's good enough.

I just read this story in one (long) stretch, and it's incredible. It would likely be at the top of my favorite-book list if it were published.

-Brillant idea. I have not seen any book where magic is portrayed anything like this. The title fits well.

-Development is at a fast but readable speed.

-Quite realistic if you imagine it. The fantasy world is well-crafted.

-Fascinating characters... wow.

-Character thoughts are good. The POVs are good - minimal switching.

Can't wait for the next chapters!

I have a few minor suggestions:

-At the beginning, you mention how the King went to the Dust Lands to search for the source of all magic. If you leave those things at that, it's rather useless. If you bring it back, however...

-Very good foreshadowing of future events, but you could use a bit more.

-Yes, Ardis does black out too many times.

-Try to shape the characters more precisely. Imara is very unclear, as well as Felix. We only know of Capron and Ardis' stories.

-It's pretty unbelievable that she can keep such a big secret [her magic] for so long. You should have her reveal it sometime soon. i.e. in defending their little traveling party, she is forced to use magic, and so reveals herself.

-Maybe you should bring some very different characters in - i.e. lunatics, oracles, elves, dwarves, etc. I'm not sure whether it will help or hurt the story, though.

-Magic words are always interesting.

-Ardis starts as a very submissive, unrebellious servant girl (brainwashed, sort of), but I think she changes a bit fast. It's never even occurred to her to be free, to disobey, etc.

Really, really, really well done.

-mathnerd3141

Awesome chapter as always! And no it doesn't seem too repetitive when Ardis passes out, but you may want to tone it down a little, before it does. Besides that, I love the whole tension between Adris and Capon, just wonderful, and I love the personality of the Queen, excellent character. I look forward to your next chapter!

*skips around in a circle* you updated! You updated! She fainted! She fainted! Honestly though? Have you ever read Eragon? The boy black out like 18 times...literally. I mean, it started to feel like he was fainting every other chapter. So, no, I don't think she has blacked out too much yet. Believe me, we will let you know when she has don't it too much:) besides, it leaves us in suspense! Oh, will his aunt tell him why she was so tired? Ooo! Will he find out? Maybe? Please? Well, reading his mind sure was an adventure! My goodness, she is really up tight right now, but I would be to if I had a friend that would kill me for who I was. 0.o she really needs a close friend she can open up to. Okay, she blacked out, leaving our little Mr Wells in the black. Will he ever find out? Please do update and post whenever possible! I love where this is going!...I think...

Love this chapter. Ardis is trying so hard to be strong! I really, really love her's and Capron's characters. Anyways, to answer your question, I don't think the blacking out is getting repetitive. You make it seem realistic and I of course like the drama. ;) Especially this last time where she's in a great deal of fatigue, pain, and stress. It works nicely. :) But if you feel you need to change something, go for it. It will be just as well.

Great chapter. Love it. Can't wait til the next!

I was trying to find where I was last and I went, "oh look! Another chapter! Yay!" I was so giddy it wasn't even funny...I take that back, it was halarius. But hats beside the point! Loved this chapter too! Why do I get the feeling that you might bring croft back? I really do hope he is dead though, as terrible as that sounds... Anyway, I beginning to wonder when she would use that book:D