|Reviews for Haiku's Of A Girl Up Late|
| The Autumn Queen chapter 7 . 9/16/2012
I like the tone of this because it’s simple and so you can actually feel the pain on an empathic level. I don’t like how the first line melts into the second because of lack of punctuation because I think they’re far more effective standing on their own. The extra punch to drive in more raw emotion.
Overall, nice collection.
Ohana from the review marathon (link in profile)
| The Autumn Queen chapter 6 . 9/16/2012
I don’t like how “into” is on the first line because I think it makes a bit of a weak ending and it would go a lot better on the second. There’s a pause that makes you wonder and then disregard into what, so it seems counterproductive that way. I like the concept of waiting though because it feels reminiscent of how wives used to wait for their husbands when they went off to war, of how girls in olden days used to wait for a man who was rich or one they liked to cal on them – a bit of gender inequality, but you never say “girl” specifically; that’s just me. :)
| The Autumn Queen chapter 5 . 9/16/2012
I like how you’ve done the “playing hard to get” in a negative connotation because I see it used positively all too often and that can cause trouble in some cases, particularly when someone’s shy or a drifter of sorts. It does well to illuminate the fleetingless of life. I don’t like your placement of “but” though because I think it would have gone better on the third line – it seems a little flat as it is.
| The Autumn Queen chapter 4 . 9/16/2012
I don’t like how you’ve merged the last line without having anything that separates it from the other two because, really, it should be separate. It’s sort of a standalone statement so it just doesn’t work messed. I like the idea of the blind following though because on a real life level it can easily relate to any of us following things without question and winding up in trouble, but also on a more spiritual level, it reminds me of Satan leading towards hell, so the brick wall provides an additional contrast with hellfire.
| The Autumn Queen chapter 3 . 9/16/2012
I don’t quite like where you’ve put the page-breaks in this – I think they lose some emphasis you could have had. For example, ending the line with “same” doesn’t seem to have a lot of impact from my POV. I like the image of oldness and weariness in this though; you’ve brought it in quite subtly, but it still feels firm and complete.
| The Autumn Queen chapter 2 . 9/16/2012
I don’t like how you’ve got a lack of punctuation with this one because it’s somewhat disruptive to the flow, suggesting they flow together when they don’t really. I think the first line should end with a colon (or a dash if you want but I’d prefer the colon) and the second as a fullstop. I like the images in the first two lines because life turning inanimate provides a good contrast, and also talks about life and death as a whole.
| The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 9/16/2012
I like the voice of your narration here because it feels real and therefore relateable. It’s not so out-there that it appears almost whimsical, instead, smooth and natural.
I also like the format of this haiku because the question then answer style gives it a sense of direction and also locks into the teen category because it seems reminiscent of school.
Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
| Tokei Aya chapter 7 . 9/13/2012
Aw :( Do you actually deal with this? If so, I'm really sorry you do.
| MelissaUmbrella chapter 7 . 9/10/2012
These are really good! I loved 'footsteps'
"Sorry about that"
| 44musicfreak44 chapter 7 . 9/8/2012
Ah, drinking does do a lot of damage to families doesn't it, sigh. This was brilliant and very relatable.
| True Talker chapter 7 . 9/8/2012
This makes me think.
| EndlessFlight chapter 4 . 8/21/2012
Excellent. Ouch, though..
| Tokei Aya chapter 5 . 6/2/2012
I like 'Footsteps'
You are really good
At writing these short poems
Please don't ever stop.
| 44musicfreak44 chapter 3 . 2/28/2012
I really liked these, especially the last one :)
| SoulEaterEvans'Girlfriend chapter 3 . 2/20/2012
Niiice but i didnt get the last one