Reviews for Vengeance
The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 6/16/2012
Congratulations on winning the June 2012 WCC. Here's your prize review. :)

Opening - Personally, I'm not a fan of introducing the name straight away with no background, but that's purely a case of to his/her, their own so passing by that, I like how you've started with the action straight off the bat before stemming into some background. The first paragraph winds up being nice and concise, and still leaves an aura of mystery. Perhaps you've overused the pronoun "she" though. A little image of her would have been nice, but again, that may have just been me.

Spelling/grammar - Mostly great. I've just got a qualm about some of your dialogue. Eg. ["So they don't get me," her voice was hard and unyielding] - sounds as if there should be a fullstop instead of a comma. It's not really a case of "..." he said. You've done that a few times, but that's about it. And he opposite here: ["Hey, ignore them ok? Remember rich snobs." He said softly.]

["Yes."/ "God."/ "There is no god in any of it...] - Is the "God" part supposed to be a question? It sounds like one.

["Hey Devi?" he waited till she looked up at him] - sounds like that should be a capital too.

Ending - Kind of cute, considering. A bit of the calm before the storm situation, but I think it works quite well in the context, being the first chapter and all.

Dialogue - a mix of quirkiness and information. A little stiff, but I still love them. Tells quite a bit about both the characters and the circumstances. The only thing that was left was the setting, which was admittedly lacking.