|Reviews for World of Darkness|
| CatchingRaindrops chapter 22 . 5/9/2012
Great sequel to the first. I really enjoyed it, but it sucked that all the characters Allen met died. I wish James could have come back to life though, after Annul Sejan left his body.
| red.dahlia chapter 22 . 2/14/2012
!Spoiler alert (well, kinda)!
Your story is great in terms of action sequences and the ingenuity of the monsters depicted. While your grammar is sometimes off, it's better than a lot of other works here, and doesn't detract terribly from the story.
To improve, you might want to consider making a timeline. A few things in your story don't quite make sense, like the meat at the store after the electricity's been out for a year, or how Central Park has lush grass even though no rain has fallen for a year. Although Katrina's story seems a bit odd, it makes sense in the larger context of the plot, so that's good.
Further, you might want to consider some character development. This isn't a big issue (especially since I could never write a story of this length, even if my characters has no personalities), but it might be a consideration if you ever rewrite this story on write a longer piece.
Finally, your story seems to be faintly misogynistic and anarchic. I'm not sure if those are on purpose, or if I'm just reading too much into the piece. However, if you are trying to weave those themes in, they were woven subtly and may need to be more of a recurring thing than they are now. That kind of necessitates a longer story, but this is a rather questionable paragraph already.
Anyway, I really liked reading your short story, and I think it's really good. It definitely kept me reading :D
| Aion Ningen Shikkaku chapter 1 . 1/25/2012
You still have some great taste in horror there my fellow author. I still think you should get the The Edgar Allan Poe award!
| SweetChoco71 chapter 6 . 1/20/2012
I'm in the process of reading this story, and so far it is really interesting! There are a few grammatical, spelling mistakes, but otherwise, the writing is very good. Oh, and in one chapter, you kept saying James rather than Allen, and that was a bit confusing. But otherwise, the descriptions are great and very detailed, I almost feel like I'm watching a movie. And the action scenes have enough suspense to keep reading more. Good job!