Reviews for I Never
Deedee Elle chapter 13 . 3/4
I'm coming back to this after ages away so am having to remind myself who the characters are.
Well I agree with Esmeralda on the Star Wars Holiday Special and well done for choosing such an obscure movie, it's a fun choice. When Harry Met Sally is great though.

When you said Esmeralda dictated the phone number you didn't need to say she said the digits as you are repeating yourself, but that is only a minor point.
Poor Esmeralda getting her evening disrupted. I like the description of her getting as close as possible to Ian then by the end of the chapter they have been separated as much by the phonecall as the distance on the sofa, it's a nice touch to mirror that. I agree with Ian that it is too drastic to call the police.
Victoria Best chapter 20 . 8/23/2013
Hey :)

I am back and can't wait to read the rest of this amazing story! Yaaay!

I'll start with your questions - I can completely see why Zoe would lose trust in him, but I can't help but feel bad :/ I really like them as a couple, it sucks that they are having these problems :/ But then again this is a romance story and every romance story needs a bit of conflict. I just hope they can work it out because I feel they do work well together. You've written this really well, especially where she is worried about Victor's father. You have written this very realistically in a way the reader can see directly into her thoughts and therefore empathise with her.

I also really enjoyed the dialogue in this chapter; it provided some great insight into the characters. I felt Lauren got some well-needed development as well. I have to admit, in the past she grated on me a little in the way she seems to worship male attention, but here I actually felt for a little. It was moving when she mentioned how she doesn't want to be alone. This chapter altogether gave a much more human dimension to her personality, made her into a character we can empathise with. We all know the feeling of being alone and can therefore begin to understand how she feels now she is seemingly losing Simon. In fact, this chapter got me thinking that she might not even love Simon that much; she's just scared of being alone and thinks she needs him to fill that void. I get the feeling she is slightly deluded in the way she has a very rose-tinted, unrealistic perception of Simon. She's got it into her head that she can't live without him, and she isn't aware of her own strengths and the fact she can easily take care of herself.

The writing itself was strong in this chapter. I especially liked how you kept going back and forth between the two conversations; it was a really original, abstract and inspiring piece of writing that I would like to see more of. You can definitely include this technique in other chapters in the future; I think it works really well. It altogether makes this chapter so much more interesting. You never cease to amaze me with your brilliant writing :L

Another brilliant chapter and I can't wait to read more! Onwards I go!

-Vicky x
Lolitroy chapter 4 . 8/10/2013
Awww, Zoe and Victor are already warming up to me ;)
And I personally have a friend I've known since Kindergarten... though he is no more than a friend. I still understand them though, how they don't want to separate and stuff.

Jamie's also an interesting character,
My, you really have a thing for them!

BTW...
CONGRATULATIONS ON REVIEW 300! *throws party* may you continue to get much much more!
Lolitroy chapter 3 . 8/10/2013
Ahh... Ian and Esmerald, now I see more of them! However, I felt the interaction between the past two characters was stronger, and thus, mrore lasting.

Still awesome anyway!
Line breaks still bug me though.
Lolitroy chapter 2 . 8/10/2013
Lauren and Simon... that's a complicated relationship they have there. I personally like them both, as for Ian and Emeralda... I didn't feel much of a presence from them. But that'll come as the story progesses, no worries ;)

Now I'm looking forward to see them apologize! Already liking them a whole lot. Maybe because they seem realistic? Hmm, good job ;)
Lolitroy chapter 1 . 8/10/2013
What. The six of them know each other!? Interesting.
I find your idea really original. How they all tell each other problems. It's jus the first chapter and I already love them ;) especially Pete, let's not forget Elizabeth. She sound just like people you'd meet everyday.

As for the writing itself, I didn't spot any typo or anything (not that I ever do) but the constant scene flip made it a bit awkward for me, to be honest. Kind of hard to read, Maybe if you could find some other ways to switch scenes without line breakers...? Just stating an opinion, so don't pay much attention.
Anyway, since I'm feeling evil today how about I let you reach review 300? Mwohoho.
Whirlymerle chapter 13 . 7/7/2013
Hey! I resent Ian’s comment about the plot being thin! Though I’m with him and Esmeralda on Star Wars Holiday Special. I didn’t know there was a Holiday Special. Then again, I’ve never watched Star Wars for longer than 30 minutes.

[when does your thick head realize that I just want you to leave me alone] Eh… I’m really not digging Ian’s character at this point. I totally get that Emily’s a crazy stalker who’d cheat on her boyfriend’s brother, but Ian isn’t that much of a better person. I’m not particular sympathetic is that I’m only told that Emily cheated on Ian. Not knowing anything else about their relationship, it’s hard to be on his side. Oh well, I suppose it’s realistic of him to stay angry at her.

I feel like he and Esmeralda make a good match though, even if their romantic times are suffering. I think it has to do with Esmeralda teasing Jamie. Even if it is light, it shows that she has a wicked streak within her (not in a bad way, but still wicked).
Whirlymerle chapter 12 . 7/7/2013
["I was kind of bored, actually, the second and third day," Pete said, silently.] Haha, Pete is very blunt with his grandmother isn't he? Also, "silently" suggests he made no sound. I feel like "quietly" would be more effective?
One detail that I really like is how you mentioned Elizabeth knowing her way even though it's been ages. I feel like that's very true of the things you never forget, like learning how to tie a shoe.
I think the relationship between Pete and Elizabeth is realistically portrayed. I like how he’s comfortable enough to talk about how he’s bored with her resting.

As for Ben, well, I feel like he made an honest mistake. It’s sad that it’s decades later and he’s so weak except for his sad eyes. Wow, now that Elizabeth made her appearance, maybe he can get some closure.
Whirlymerle chapter 11 . 7/5/2013
What a great opening for me to get back into the story! Well, you know, poor Victor. But I love the way you repeat hell and the different ways you use it.

[His little sister had already gone to her room to cry] I don’t quite remember who his little sister is. But this entire paragraph, you kept on referring to her as the “little sister.” Since it’s written from Victor’s POV, I’m wondering if it would be more natural to refer to her by name, at least once?

[And she only halfly knew why] halfly isn’t a word, I don’t think. Why not, “she only knew half of why”?

Anyway, yeah, I remember Victor and his crazy scheming parents. It sucks that he loves his parents, which makes it all the more complicated (and unfair, I should say, since they’re taking advantage of his love). If anything, that’ll prevent from making the *right* choice, if there ever is a right choice in those kinds of situations.

But geez is he clueless. I feel so bad for Zoe right now. I just want to jump into your story and be like, Victor, get a clue!
Vivace.Assai chapter 48 . 6/12/2013
Okay. This is the end… That makes me kind of sad because I hate endings (even though I know you’ll be back with another story soon enough).

So I don’t even know where to begin with this review (because this is just what endings do to me). Well, I’ll start with talking about the plot of the epilogue as a whole. I really do feel that this epilogue wrapped everything up very nicely. I read in your final A/N that the original epilogue had the “I Never” game, and frankly, I’m glad you decided to switch that epilogue with this one. Though I haven’t read the original epilogue, I feel this one gives a greater finality to everything and explains everything a lot better. I’m glad to see all the plotlines completely resolved.

The conversation with Jamie, Lauren, Simon, and Kim was perfect, since it really explained a lot, especially of Kim’s peculiar actions (so, she was shy too?). And I’m glad to see that Lauren and Simon were able to figure out what each of them wanted and could be great friends; I feel it’s a lot better for both of them. Also, the thought of Jamie and Kim being worse (or better depending on your perspective) as boyfriend/girlfriend is just hilarious. XD I liked the scene with Victor and Zoe, Pete and Bob, and Esmeralda and Ian. They were brief but very cute and romantic. I loved your allusion to “Love Actually” (which I believe you once said was your inspiration for this entire story).

And well… my favorite part of this epilogue definitely has to be what happens with Elizabeth. It resolves so much loose ends and it ends the story in so much hope. Elizabeth, as a character, has always been my favorite. She had such tenacity and will (along with great humor and wisdom). And I’m just so glad to see that everything has been resolved for her and that she’s able to find some happiness. And the fact that she is able to look towards the future (and think about 2014) is even more poignant. I somehow feel that it testifies a bit to the theme of this story (and look at me, getting a thematic… English class has completely ruined any hope for me to just read a story without analyzing ever again :P). This story seems to be a lot about getting through the days and looking towards the future, despite all obstacles. And that’s probably why I enjoyed Elizabeth’s story the most the entire time; it represented the most of what this story is about.

Because I’ve always been one to love a story most for its message, and this story definitely has a great message (in my eyes at least). It really went beyond a simple story of romantic entanglements and became something much more heartfelt. :)

So thank you so much for sharing this wonderful story with me and all the readers on FP! It has been a great ride with a lot of plot twists, surprises, heart aches, slight frustration (from me towards the characters), and smiles! I’ve been very happy to read this story and to get to know all the characters.

I am definitely looking forward to reading many of your other stories (once I’ve caught up on the boatload of alerts I have stored in my inbox)! And I’m also looking forward to reading any of your future stories as well.

All the best and thanks again,
Vivace
Vivace.Assai chapter 47 . 6/12/2013
This was an incredibly short chapter, but I liked it for its poignancy. I really like how you began with how some people live to an incredibly old age and then segue that discussion into Ben and why he’s still hanging onto life.

Ben might be a minor character in this story but I felt this last chapter really added a whole other dimension to him. Throughout his entire life, he’s been plagued by the one mistake he made (not in ill intent but an actual accident), which separated Alan and Elizabeth from each other. It’s clear the guilt weighed down on him for a long time, and he needed to find peace within himself before he could let go and die. I think having him die after realizing Elizabeth and Alan have found each other is perfect, since it represents how he’s found peace within him.

The conversation between him and the nurse was very heartfelt—especially since the nurse doesn’t even realize what’s happening and is just laughing at his strange announcement. It’s also sad in a way because he’s about to die and there isn’t all the fanfare or attention. But it’s really poignant that it just happens.

So overall, nice chapter and a really great way to wrap up the ending of this story.

Signing off…
Vivace.Assai chapter 46 . 6/12/2013
So I’m glad that Alan and Elizabeth are accepting of Pete’s and Bob’s reaction. I’m kind of surprised Alan didn’t show any surprise at it (because I swear he didn’t know Bob was bisexual, since Bob didn’t even know it until the last few chapters). But I’m glad that there isn’t any drama or anything because I really don’t like drama or arguments. Even though this late in the game, I doubt there’d be any anger.

[There they were. Four people in a car that had seen so much of each other now that they didn't need any words to converse anymore. Four people, bonded by a quest to look for someone... and that quest was almost over.] Ah… Nice dramatic sentence for what’s happening right now. XD

OKAY. SO ELIZABETH FOUND ALAN. AND ALAN (the other one) FOUND MARIANNE. REJOICE! THE QUEST IS OVER!

I wished there was much longer time devoted to Elizabeth’s reunion with Alan. A lot more words and descriptions about their emotions. Because seriously, I always felt like Elizabeth’s story was a really great plot driving this whole novel. It had the most heart by far and it gave me the most emotions—I was rooting for Elizabeth the entire time. So I felt there should be more weight given to her reunion because of the weight it’s been given throughout this entire story. But nevertheless, the reunion was pretty well-written and I loved how you described her happiness. It was very realistic and I enjoyed reading it.

AND THE DOG IS ALIVE. THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I’m also glad to see how all the plot points have been resolved! Victor and Zoe are back together. Simon and Lauren are going to be friends. Esmeralda and Ian are now in a relationship. Jamie has finally gotten into contact with Kim. Pete and Bob are happy. There’s such a finality to this chapter, that it’s kind of making me feel all warm and happy inside (excuse the sentimentality and sappiness coming from me). I’ve just been reading this story for quite awhile, and knowing that it’s almost over (at least for me that is) really makes me sad, in a way.

This was a great chapter and I’m enjoying how you’re ending this story with a bang.

Technical:

[As much as Bob might love the Netherlands, he hated them and really wanted to go back home.] I’m pretty sure the “he” here is referring to Pete, but it was nevertheless confusing since Bob was mentioned just before the pronoun. So just be careful with the antecedents.

Signing off…
Vivace.Assai chapter 45 . 6/12/2013
OKAY. I’M SERIOUS. IF THE DOG DIES, I’M NOT GOING TO HAPPY. I’M NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY AT ALL.

I CAME TO YOUR STORY THINKING THERE WOULD BE NO DEATHS. IT IS THE ONLY STORY IN MY ENTIRE LIST OF STORIES TO READ ON FP WHERE I THOUGHT THERE WOULD BE NO DEATHS. THERE’D BETTER BE NO DEATHS (except for that sudden one with the random Alan Johnson).

But I’m glad that Esmeralda and Ian are finally together. It’s taken them so long, and it’s been rather frustrating, especially since it’s so clear that they are in love with each other and that they just needed to grow some backbone for the whole mess to be resolved. Of course, Emily was an issue but still… I’m just very happy that this romance plotline has been resolved. I’m so glad that everything is working out for all the characters or at least there’s some form of closure!

Things are getting wonderful and happy again.

EXCEPT FOR THE DOG. I WANT THAT DOG TO LIVE.

[Made Of Honour would do nothing else that evening but deliver some very honorable background sounds.] You know… I have no problem that they ignored this movie. I really don’t think they missed much. In fact, the “honorable background sounds” is probably as good as it gets. “Made of Honor” is a pretty okay film (great for laughs), but it really isn’t that great and I never really enjoyed it THAT much. As wedding comedy films go, I much prefer “27 Dresses” or “When in Rome” (just to name the first two I could think of).

On a side note: I think you’re supposed to italicize the name of films.

Technical:

[Yup. I wanna see a movie, together with may say which one, I don't care. I just need a distraction.] I’m a bit confused by “together with may say which one.” Is she trying to say that he can say whatever movie he wants?

[her feelings were replied] “Returned” might be a better word choice. :3

But overall, this was a great chapter. It resolved what we were waiting for in a long, long time. I liked how you wrote out how Esmeralda got interrupted by the kiss. I loved how Esmeralda just randomly blurted out her confession. And overall, I enjoyed the chapter!

Moving on to the next chapter!

Signing off…
Vivace.Assai chapter 44 . 6/12/2013
Onto another review! After this... four more to go!

[Jamie said and gave Oliver his present, some deodorant.] Deodorant? Seriously? That’s Jamie’s idea of a birthday present? Deodorant? Well, it is useful so I could see why he thought of it. :P

I’m now kind of confused of the purpose for the party… except maybe it was to make him tired so he would fall asleep right next to Busgirl. I was hoping something more exciting would happen at the party though, but it did continue to emphasize how lonely Jamie felt.

And boy am I glad that Jamie has finally gotten a chance to talk with Busgirl! Or rather Kim (as we have all guessed from the previous chapters). I’m seriously curious to see what all the reactions would be if Jamie ever introduced Kim to Simon and Lauren. :3 But anyways… I thought the conversation between the two to be very cute and I loved how it flowed so naturally. All Jamie needed to do was have a conversation starter, and things clearly went well for him!

I’m also glad we got an explanation about Kim’s adoptive brother (I’m not sure why she had to mention he was gay though, since it seemed irrelevant to the conversation). It seems as if that conversation was able to clear up many plot holes we had with the mysterious Busgirl, especially why she was always on the bus at that time. I like how you remembered those details and added them in to wrap up any loose ends; it shows a lot of perception and insight from the author and I enjoyed that!

Jamie’s happiness at the end if just great. I liked how you described his happiness. It was very adorable. :D

Technical:

[Jamie had no troubles remembering their names] There should be no “s” with “troubles.” It should just be “trouble.”

[leaving Jamie still in a state, wondering if he really was able to stand up.] Not sure how to edit this but the phrasing is kind of strange and confusing

For some reason, this chapter didn’t feel as tight or smooth in writing as your usual chapters are. There were many moments when your word choice didn’t seem perfect (it was the right word but there could have been a better way to say it), but overall, it didn’t impair the entire chapter. I still enjoyed it nevertheless!

So great chapter! I really enjoyed it!

Signing off…
Vivace.Assai chapter 43 . 6/12/2013
You know, windmills and wooden shoes are actually all I really know about Holland. I guess I’m pretty much a failure in other cultures like Pete and Bob too. :P

[Is he going to stay with me all day, and tell me how happy he is with that bitch Michelle?] Whoa… well, isn’t Pete a little bit too emotional? Then again, I’ve never felt jealousy in love so I really wouldn’t know what it’s like.

AND WHAT THE AJDFKLSDJFKSLDJFLSDJKFLSAJFDLKSDJFLDSJFKLSDFADF?

WHAT?

WHAT?

WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

WHAT STRANGE TWIST DID YOU JUST PULL OVER THE READERS AGAIN?

As you may or may not notice, I sometimes read while I review but whenever an event captures my attention (and leaves me on the edge of my seat), I kind of just breeze through the entire chapter. And that’s exactly what happened for this chapter. I am completely shocked at what happened. Part of me wondered about the possibility of Bob liking Pete back, but I’m not much of a romantic so I decided to not consider the possibility. And yet it has happened. Bob does like Pete back. Bob’s explanation was slightly confusing, but I guess he was just rambling out an explanation without much thought (so that makes sense).

But I think it was very sweet what happened between the two. I’m glad Pete was able to find some happiness, and I especially love the ending with how Pete kissed Bob. Okay! Finally another plot is solved!

In answer to your questions, if I were to improve this chapter, I would probably make the lead-up to everything much more intense. Describe the emotions and reactions in a bit more detail? But otherwise, this was a pretty well-written chapter for this scene!

And I'm sure Elizabeth and Alan will be ecstatic (well, Alan might be a bit confused since I don't think he knew about this new realization of Bob's sexuality).

The technical:

[not because of first, because he didn't like him, but because he liked him too much] I’m not really sure what you were going for with “not because of first,” but I don’t think you need. I think you could have just written: “not because he didn’t like him but because he liked him too much”

[he eventually bought a windmill made of porcelain painted blue{,} because he had been told that was typically Dutch.] No need for the bracketed comma

[he really {had} wished it had been bigger] You really don’t need the bracketed “had”

I’m also not sure what changes has happened with FP’s publishing system, but I noticed that the paragraph formatting for your chapters have gotten more messy (like there isn’t a space between some paragraphs).

Great chapter! I’m just trying to get to the end (plus, I’m very rusty in reviews), so sorry if the quality of my reviews isn't great!

Signing off…
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