Reviews for Lay Me Down to Sleep
Nintendo Fan 101 chapter 5 . 1/27/2012
There isn't an ounce of doubt in my mind that Trent is a vampire.
UC Poika chapter 4 . 1/16/2012
The dream was excellent and the castle a wonderful piece to make it all seem a bit too unreal-but that was just it, if I am going to feel I want it real, and hey if I don't know quite where I am at in a dream big deal. I would have struck the castle bit, I prefer abandoned churches in this case. Excellent use of her being unable to move but maybe something a little less cliche than glued to the floor, know what I mean. The rest was perfect wakeful reality. I love it the way it is with the unreality coming to the surface but I personally would like to see a bit more blurring of the bounds between reality and dream, especially, with your gift to describe the emotions. Keep it going. And, don't let me say you should fix it much. Remember you could just fix it to death. I can't tell you how many novels I did that too.
UC Poika chapter 3 . 1/16/2012
Again wonderful use of inner tension of your character's feelings contrasted with the cold, lack of feeling of Tent's, and a wonderful surprise at the end of the chapter that sets up the next chapter beautifully. I can sure learn from you. The only problem was that I kept, not expecting, anything physical to take place and was a little put off by that before that when he was in her bedroom waiting for her and she didn't notice. I just didn't find that quite believable enough, though I have no idea as to how to do it better, or to fix it any other way. Maybe its just one of those things in a story like this. Maybe I shouldn't have even mentioned it.
UC Poika chapter 2 . 1/16/2012
Beautiful use of emotional tension to create interest, and it was very well done, thank God, and the focus of your attention all along, sparing us a vivid description of the murder scene which had enough to help us see what you intended with the description of the traumatic reaction she had rather than a hands on description of every bit of gore. Thank you, for you even spared us any details of her physical vomiting setting the stage for an all important description of her feelings. Clearly this is going to be more than vintage vampire, and more, "How does it feel to meet a vampire?"

I only found a couple of errors like where you-what? religiously call on God and don't respect him enough to capitalize his name. What is that? Subconscious?

And then I'm standing over two bodies that have [been] mauled to death by…something. Please, Sarge, I just want to leave.
UC Poika chapter 1 . 1/16/2012
I like the way you set up the intro half dream and half reaction to the dream in the real world. Everyone has had a dream like that, and it bugged them. Nice way to draw them in, and the way you use the police officer bit as a way to add credibility. Classic but effective but nothing as rich as the end of it when you use the dramatic warning to set them up for the next chapter. I see no errors other than it made me think somehow this was going to be vintage vampire story, but that is just a matter of my lack of preference for another and I don't think it really reflects on your writing. I'll shut up now. I can't wait to see the gore she is about to encounter.