Reviews for Decline
SeinenReader chapter 1 . 3/10/2012
Ah, got to love drunk teenagers and supernatural tales. I enjoyed the "Are you afraid of the dark?" type of scary/ghost story; from beginning to end this story brought up all of my happy memories of that show. Despite the fact that I referenced your story to some other work/series; I still love how your literary skills sets you apart from the generic ghost or campfire stories.
Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 1/12/2012
Whoa, ghost story. Love how the prophecies of ghosts always come true, yeah? Nice job building tension and making an impact.

Good job and good luck in WCC!
Stephanie M. Moore chapter 1 . 1/8/2012
Wow. It seemed you and I took similar approaches, using the regrets of the protagonist as an interpretation of the prompt. Of course, yours is more of a physical manifestation.

The opening is strong, drawing in the reader's attention, but I thought the pace dragged a bit during her conversation with her parents. And I was a bit confused by the voice that interrupted the Ouija board's message... we never get any explanation of who it was. I guess it was her friends, but that was never stated.

I think the ending was the most poignant part of the story. Obviously, she is haunted by these physical spirits and her own mental scars, but I think her accidental suicide is shocking. I really liked the language you used to describe her fall- it was unique.

This was a good piece. You built suspense well, and the mood carried all the way to ending. I enjoyed it. Best of luck in the contest!
Dragon made me do it chapter 1 . 1/7/2012
I felt this story got better and better as it progressed through, and I particularly liked the ending. Very creepy.

I thought you did a good job of transitioning between the different phases of the story, which each had a quite different feel to them. from the Ouija board scene into the car crash scene, to the moving on, seeing ghosts, and final demise.

Spelling/grammar etc:

so we sat outside of the in a circle. - you need a noun after the

Devon had a skeptic gleam in his eyes- since it is an adjective, it should be sceptical not sceptic

his card door handle- I presume you meant car door?

Great story, with a powerful ending.

I frequently walking into things

"He's busy." said Frank, his supervisor.
5popcorn99 chapter 1 . 1/6/2012
Well, I liked it! Glad I don't use ouija boards!
SmashedIce.X chapter 1 . 1/6/2012
Ooh, that's a bit freaky! I think I may be too scared to actually do a ouija board. This was good though, I didn't think it was bland.