|Reviews for Savvy|
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/19/2012
you suck cuz i can't vote in your poll, and this sux cux no sex with 4 bros.
| Cole Culain chapter 1 . 4/29/2012
Every single time, I say I'm going to be good and just get the review done as soon as I can. And every single time it's literally like the last day of the month I get around to it...
Anyway. This is a WCC review. I'm reviewing this one because it seemed current enough, and interesting enough. Sorry if you wanted it on something else, but... well. On to business.
I remember this prompt... But I'll stave of my nostalgia for later. The first thing I want to note is your use of the term "sensed" when talking about the shadow of death. It seems to be saying a lot more than just a vague impression. So if by sensed you meant telepathic communication, all right. I didn't get that impression from the text, however. No, more like she sees it, and interprets it's moving. And it seems too long-winded for that.
Of course, the little things that built up to her death were very good, and well placed. Each little omen was a nice touch, and it was good to see how it all culminated in the end.
Now, I want to focus on dialogue for a second. Don't get me wrong, it flows well. And there's nothing WRONG with it per say. However, I find Death to be a little too colloquial. This is more than likely just my bias, but I feel an entity like that wouldn't be using contractions, or even making small talk with it's next victim.
And finally, the ending. Very well crafted, and it's abruptness only helps to add to the situation.
| Laoch chapter 1 . 1/31/2012
Congratulation in the WCC!
Firstly, the use of the prompt was not as subtle as some of the other pieces, which work in their way, so it was a sort of dash of something different. I liked the litteral take on the shadows; how they are Death. Straight to the point, no muss or fuss.
The opening was great. At the start, you find yourself anxious to see what will happen to the author, as she is the kind of person people like as a character. As the story progresses, you learn just enough about her; not too much that everything becomes over factual. And the first sentence was especially strong, simple and to the point. I did find myself trying to figure out why you kept adding seemingly random events; when I got to the end and went back, I saw the whole piece in a new light.
Your writing style is fantastic; a mash of seriousness and dark along with some clever humour and a touch of fluff. Throughout, your voice is strong and concise as well. There's no muddle.
I thought the modern day setting of the elevator and such was smart; it brings everything closer to the heart when you read, because some people ride elevators everyday, do the same things as the main character. You described just what needed to be described and nothing more, which kept the piece quick and snappy.
Just one nitpick though. You used this [she sensed it meant] phrase each time when the creature was speaking. I counted seven times. It just became repetitive and took away from the ceature itself. Perhaps you could have changed it slightly, such as, 'felt as though' or something of the like. Just not 'sensed it meant' over and over.
All together, clever, dark and witty.
| Mizzuz Spock chapter 1 . 1/31/2012
Congratulations on winning WCC January 2012! It was a fun prompt, and I like what you did with it.
The opening is great. It could be because I've been reading lots of crappy YA books lately, but the simplicity of your first sentence is wonderful. (Not to mention the simple, yet vivid descriptions you weave throughout the story.) I love your writing style, and thoroughly enjoyed the pace of the piece. While at first I wondered what the purpose of all the little details were, once you got to the end, going back and rereading through all the previously "unimportant events" had more of a punch.
I like the dialogue between the reaper creature and the girl, and I like that you had her "sense" he was speaking instead of having it outright talk. Nice touch there.
If I have one thing I don't like about this piece, it's the ending. In particular, the death scene, and that's only because I felt it was too quick. I know that was probably the whole point-to make it quick, but, to me, it felt a bit rushed. Though maybe that's because I was enjoying the story too much and was disappointed it wasn't going anywhere else after the girl died.
Also, going to be nitpicky and point out sometimes I felt the places where you started sentences with "And" threw off the flow of the writing a bit. (But that's a personal pet peeve, completely overlooked by normal people.)
Overall, a clever, darkly humorous piece.
| Stephanie M. Moore chapter 1 . 1/30/2012
haha. I think the note is a great addition to the piece. Just saying.
I love the subtitle. It really delivers the story's early tension, especially since the first few lines detail what is a most typical day. And even though your speaker can't put the things together, we can, because we know what's going on.
And then you layer on the bad omens. It's a very effective device- the speaker's nonchalant tone combined with the increasingly less obvious omens. It mocks the tropes and keeps the piece very lighthearted. Even your word choice keeps the subject light- at the end when you use "ooze" to describe the shadow. Not the most intimidating description, but it is perfectly in line with the story's voice.
The length is ideal. It maintains the careful balance between interesting the reader and telling a complete story. And the jokes stay fresh.
This was definitely an interesting take on the prompt- much different than the more serious entries the rest of us chose. Still, that's part of the appeal. I really liked this piece. It was a simple, easy read that didn't take itself too seriously.
Congratulations on your second win. Very impressive. Good work!
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 1/12/2012
Well, you've managed to make death a humor story, Lyra. Congrats. XD
I really enjoyed this, though. Loved the snappy dialog and the use of the clichés to prove a point. Very fun story.
Good job and good luck in WCC!
| Dragon made me do it chapter 1 . 1/10/2012
Oh yay I love TV tropes, but it is such a trap, you can get stuck in there for ages if you let it happen... like just then when I looked up genre savvy. I like your idea here ...
I like the way you have played around with the trope in different ways. The general self-awareness of the character and what would be the normal were this to be a work of fiction throughout the story, the repeated use of 'she sensed it meant ...' as another example of her savviness, the specific references to horror movies etc
And I can see how this concept of her being unimpressed at the creature's attempts to scare her relates very clearly to the prompt.
'A (Fictional) Account of the Author's Untimely Death' - I really love everything about this subtitle. particularly after reading to the end, I knew 'untimely' had to lead to something.
I enjoyed the quirky humour. If I was a dog, I wouldn't be keen on tofurkey I liked 'or as embarrassed as a dark blob of doom could look'
It's all so cliché now - cliché should be clichéd since it is an adjective in this context
This is terrible of me, but I smiled at the ending because she was so sure of herself and so patronising towards the creature that it was fun to see her put in her place so definitively. I suppose because we weren't led into generating a great deal of sympathy for her, because emotionally this piece was a little lighter, it is easier not to care so much when she goes splat, which I think is fine, it goes with this kind of story.
| Inkspilled chapter 1 . 1/7/2012
Wow, this was definitely something new. I liked the casual style of the story, and I liked the humour. Especially the mention of tofurkey. The concept of combining death and humour seems to be so pervasive, though. It doesn't always settle well with me. I do like how everything became an eerie sign until eventually the main character puts her foot down and has a nice conversation with her death. Nice work! :)