|Reviews for Beauty and the Jock|
| DutchAver chapter 2 . 3/2/2012
Watch out with the beginning of this chapter - you 'info dump' Jennifer's past on us, and that makes it feel forced. It would help if you'd incorporate her past into the story: have her tell her problems to another character, for example. That would make it much more natural - compare it with my story. All the characters in I Never have a backstory, but I don't tell the reader directly - instead, I let the characters tell each other what has happened through the I Never-game. The reader gets the information too, but it feels much less forced and much more natural.
I definitely didn't see the twist of Jennifer's rape coming. Well done, you now sparked my interest - I would consider swapping these chapters, though, for reasons that I named in my previous review. (Of course, you would have to edit both chapters a little, but I think you're clever enough to figure that out for yourself)
What seems unrealistic to me is that neither her mother nor her older brother noticed she had been raped. When someone's been raped, they're overflowing with emotions - sadness, hate, guilt, et cetera. No way that any family member would miss that, and no way that anyone's capable of hiding those emotions. Rape is something that's really tough and ignites all those emotions, and it's impossible to hide - remember Peter in my one-shot? He couldn't hide the way he felt about Juline, just after she broke up with him, from his father, even if he had wanted to. Those are strong emotions too, and Jennifer's should be Peter's but then amplified by a thousand. If Peter couldn't hide his emotions, then Jennifer should really not be able to do so.
What you could do instead is having Chris, and their mother, find out about the rape but Jennifer urging them to not go to the cops because she's afraid - and also urging them to not tell anyone. Then, she'll distance herself from her friends because such an event is life-changing... this way, you have plenty of plot too, and it will be much more realistic :)
I hope this review was helpful!
| DutchAver chapter 1 . 2/28/2012
I like your writing style, and the way you make things sound very interesting. I can certainly live with Jason(that's your narrator's name, right?) as I've been in that situation more times than I can count.
However, it might be helpful if you'd put some surprising twist in the beginning of the story already - this is just a guy who's fallen in love with a girl, and that's it - not the most original of plots, don't you think? Throw in a twist, a complication that really surprises me, something to make this story unique. Maybe it's in here, but I can't judge that from the first chapter. It'd help a little if you'd foreshadow said twist beforehand: that way, I'm interested and I want to continue reading.
Hope this review was helpful!
| True Talker chapter 2 . 2/6/2012
Okay, so I have finally read your chapter 2. Novels/stories I understand that there are parts in them such as this however I am not a fan of the rape part. The other parts were interesting however the father deceased father was sad. I think that best part was the end of thsi chapter. Don't get me wrong this is written quite well and it is truly creative. I also understand that every good novel/story has drama in it - so I do understand really I do. Thank you for sharing this with everyone.
| mysterygirl124 chapter 24 . 2/4/2012
Beautiful, absolutely beautiful! You should write more stories, I love this one, really. :)
| U MadeMyLifeComplete chapter 24 . 1/31/2012
The epilogue made me tingle with joy and it made me happy myself congratulation and I cant wait to read you next story :D I loved this story with all my heart and it couldnt have been any better well done!
| GinBrat chapter 24 . 1/30/2012
I love this story Jason is a sweetheart i wish you would do a sequel to this story like show what happens after this i love how Jason proposed it was so sweet.
| shouldntcomeback chapter 24 . 1/30/2012
That was a beautiful ending to a beautiful book. I want to thank you for sharing your wriing skills with everyone and for updatng so often. I loved all th description in this chapter! You ended it perfectly. Good uck on all your stories to come.
| chewychester chapter 24 . 1/30/2012
It was a lovely ending. The lyrics you chose were perfect. sniff,sniff...happy tears. :S
| pixies114 chapter 24 . 1/30/2012
Such a sweet ending to a beautiful story! Absolutely amazing job!
| PureAmazingness chapter 24 . 1/30/2012
Awwww! That was great :)
| chewychester chapter 23 . 1/30/2012
**Wild applause** He kissed her senseless. **wolf whistles**
| junglebook chapter 24 . 1/30/2012
So sweet... I'm glad it ended well. Good job! :D
| devs chapter 24 . 1/30/2012
Awww beautiful story!
| blueeyedfreakgirl chapter 24 . 1/30/2012
awwwwww so adorable
its great that they got there happy ending
| blueeyedfreakgirl chapter 23 . 1/30/2012
aww my oh that is so cute